Category Archives: Core Values

Three Truths and One Wish

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1. Truth: What you focus on will be your life. What you look for and what you love, you will find and receive. If you focus on how bad everything is, your life will be bad. If you hang out with people who do not honor your worth, you will experience worthlessness. If you spend your time smashing yourself to bits, you will experience yourself as broken and ruined. Whatever you invite will come and whatever you reject will go. You generate your own suffering, but you can also generate love. It’s your choice.

art by hugh macleod

According to Buddhist wisdom, we generate our own suffering, generate our own experience of reality. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to see how this can happen. Imagine someone giving you a dirty look or a disrespectful gesture or saying something nasty. How does that feel? Oftentimes, our response is to shoot anger and aggression back at the person. Even if we keep ourselves from acting out directly, we carry the irritation and bitterness with us, and that single bad moment or act can spin out into such a big deal, it ruins our whole day. We might find reasons to act out in negative ways ourselves, repeating that original person’s bad behavior, maybe even in situations where it isn’t warranted. Our boss is a jerk, we don’t say anything to him, but we go home and pick a fight with our spouse. Such negative energy generates suffering, even more so if we continue to feed it.

Now imagine someone smiling at you, giving you a compliment or a helping hand. How does that feel? When we feel seen, when we are given kindness, even or especially when we don’t deserve it, it can change your whole perspective. We feel connected and we begin to generate kindness, sharing it when we can. It’s like that poem from Hafiz:

How did the rose ever open its heart
and give to this world all of its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being,
otherwise we all remain too frightened.

“140 Ways to Change the World” is a good place to start, a list that will help you to generate “the encouragement of light” rather than more suffering. These are easy things you can do right now, no special equipment or training required.

2. Truth: Gratitude is a path to contentment, happiness, and joy. For a convincing argument in support of this truth, read Leo Babauta’s “Why Living a Life of Gratitude Can Make You Happy.” I am reminded of this truth every Monday morning when I do my “Something Good” post. It reminds me that when you focus on the good, there isn’t time or space for anything else, because there is so much to appreciate and love, so much good work to do. If you need a place to start, check out this list on Tiny Buddha, “60 Things to Be Grateful For In Life.”

3. Truth: If you want your life to change, change your attitude. This is, in truth, the one and only thing you can control, and therefore the only thing you can really change. It’s so simple, that it’s almost irritating: sometimes if you want to be happy, all you have to do is…well, be happy, (important note: I very clearly say “sometimes” here, because there are categories and levels of depression that require you to seek help–if you find yourself there, please ask for help). Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the Tibetan meditation master who founded Shambhala, used to say about working with strong emotions like aggression or depression, “You could always just cheer up.” He also says, in his book Sacred Path of the Warrior:

When you live your life in accordance with basic goodness, then you develop natural elegance. Your life can be spacious and relaxed, without having to be sloppy. You can actually let go of your depression and embarrassment about being a human being, and you can cheer up.

Some of my most favorite blog posts ever might be helpful to you in this case, a series that Jen Lemen wrote about “How to Be Happy,” the first one being “How to Be Happy Come Hell or Highwater.” Also read “How to Be Happy (Part Two),” “How to Be Happy (Part Three),” “How to Be Happy (Part Four),” and “How to Be Happy (Part Five).”

One Wish: I wish for all of us the change of heart, shift in perspective necessary to allow the love and light to flood in, to fill us so full that we spill over and light & love ripples and radiates out from us, sending that encouragement on to others, so they can fill and spill, and even more will be encouraged and lit up, and on and on and on.

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Day of Rest

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Dexter and I are at home, resting, while Eric is at Lory State Park hiking and running with Sam. Last night, when we came home from dinner out, Dexter was limping again.  In the last three months, he’s cracked a toenail and spent a few days limping, three different times. His toenails aren’t to blame this time. Instead, he did too much and strained his paw.

Dexter on Arthur's Rock, Lory State Park

On Friday, Eric took both dogs to Lory State Park and they ran/hiked up to the Towers, a ten mile trail, half of which is really steep. Dex was fine yesterday morning (and the hike isn’t out of the ordinary for him), but then we found four tennis balls in the little dog park, and even though we’ve had to cut down on Dexter’s fetch time in the last year because he ends up hurt, it’s so hard to say no when it makes him so happy, so after the hike, the tennis balls, and two walks yesterday, it was just a little too much. It’s so sad, because he wants to keep going, do everything he’s always done, but he’s reached an age that we sometimes have to step in and force a time out. When we got up this morning, he wasn’t limping anymore, and really wanted to go with Eric and Sam, but we thought it best that he stay home and rest. Even healthy, almost young, working breed dogs need a day of rest from time to time.

Which has me thinking again how important it is for me to cultivate time for rest. I’ve been thinking about adding another regular feature to the blog, so starting today, Sundays on A Thousand Shades of Gray will be “Day of Rest.” I’m going to try again to cultivate and keep a sabbath day in my life, a day of prayer and rest. On these days I’d like to offer you, kind and gentle readers, something that might help you in that same pursuit.

image by Kevin J. Charles

Today, it’s “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.” There are so many items on this list that resonated with me. For example, #1 is “Stop spending time with the wrong people,” which I have been working on this year. The explanation says, in part, “Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.” There were many others on this list that had me tearing up, nodding my head, and whispering “yes, that too.”

On a day of rest, pick just one item from this list that particularly resonates with you. Contemplate it, consider what it means to stop doing this one thing, reflect on where in your life you could apply it, meditate for even just a few minutes on how your life might change if you were to actually stop–then let go of it and simply rest.

Mantras, prayers for this day of rest:

  • You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect…You already have everything you need to be happy, right here and right now, (read “you’re already perfect” by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net).
  • “You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha, (read “How to Love Your Authentic Self” by Lori Deschene of Tiny Buddha).

On this day of rest,

May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you awaken to the light of your true nature.
May you be free.