October | 2022 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1 and 2. Ringo and Emergency Vets. It has been a rough 24 hours. Ringo has had chronically wonky belly most of his life, a combination of his response to stress, eating stuff he shouldn’t, and a lot of allergies we weren’t aware of until he was already seven years old. So when he gets one now, we don’t get super concerned right away, as some of the time it clears up on its own and typically doesn’t impact his activity level or quality of life, and when he needs support from medication or a bland diet, etc., he gets that and gets better.

Yesterday, we suspected he wasn’t feeling great, but I walked him and he ate his breakfast and kept it down, so we were prepared for another few days of a wonky belly but no big deal. However, hours later, he threw up a few times and did other stuff you don’t want to hear about and it was clear he didn’t feel good, couldn’t get comfortable. Many calls back and forth between our regular vet and a quick test led to “feed him a bland diet and keep an eye on him, let us know if it gets worse.” He wasn’t interested in eating and clearly didn’t feel good, but we were about to go to bed, thinking we’d all get a good night’s sleep and reassess in the morning.

Instead, after his last potty break before bed, I found myself googling “purple diarrhea dog” and getting the result “acute hemorrhagic diarrhea syndrome, also know as hemorrhagic gastroenteritis” and “can be fatal if not treated” and off to the emergency vet we go. We luckily got a doctor who had just gone through the same with her own dog over the summer and reminded me of my favorite neighbor who just moved earlier this year, so I felt really good about her treatment plan and leaving him in her care. And that’s what we did, left him overnight.

After a night where neither one of us slept very good, I called to check on Ringo and got the news that he was doing really well, keeping down food, nothing coming out of either end that shouldn’t be, was much more comfortable and we could come pick him up and take him home, with meds and a home treatment plan. He whined in the car on the way home as usual, came in and got a drink, ran outside and rolled in the grass, sniffed around and peed, and ran back inside to headbutt me and then get on the couch and start digging and humping the pillows — I have never been so happy and grateful in response to his usual misbehavior. For at least the next week or two, he can be as bad as he wants to be and I’ll be grateful for it.

So many things I’m grateful for: that we live somewhere that has multiple options for 24/7 vet care, that we have the ability to pay for that care, that those providing it are both knowledgeable and kind, that this particular condition has an effective treatment, that the first doctor we saw reminded me so much of someone I love and trust so I felt at ease and could trust her too, that she’s just been through the same with her own dog so gave Ringo the same options and awareness, that all the staff were so kind, and that Ringo responded so well to treatment and could come home, is clearly feeling so much better, AND if for some reason he starts to slip, we have access to what he’ll need to heal.

I’m also grateful for my own therapy and medication, because this is the sort of thing that in the past would have led initially to a panic attack, followed by extreme anxiety that left me feeling physically sick and unable to eat or sleep for days. This time, none of that happened, and it feels like some sort of miracle. Yes I was concerned and I felt sad. I hate to see my dogs suffer and be unable to immediately fix it, make it go away. And yet, this time I kept it together, didn’t fall apart, and that proof of the hard work I’ve been doing and all those who’ve helped me do it makes me so grateful.

3. Morning walks. Last week was peak fall and this week, winter arrived. Our first snow was so minor that if you’d slept past 8 am you wouldn’t have known it even happened. It rained that morning until almost 11 am, so we were on a rain delay, and when we got out, many of the leaves were now on the ground. The next morning, it was 28 degrees and frosty, so it really felt like winter had come. On that walk, the calm before the storm with Ringo, we saw an owl, heard another, saw a heron multiple times, and the small herd of white-tailed deer.

4. Good friends. I got to hang out with my three favorites recently, laughed and cried, and was reminded how special they all are, how much I love them and am loved by them.

5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. It is so good to have a partner like Eric, both when things get hard and when they are easy. I’m especially grateful that the three of us all all here together today, safe and sound with love all around (sorry, I couldn’t help it 🙂 ).

Bonus joy: grapefruit bubbly water, marionberry jam, my favorite purple hoodie that is so soft (they market it as “the softest hoodie ever”), pay day, the weekend, writing in the morning with a hot cup of coffee, my infrared heating pad, the hoot of an owl, other people’s dogs and kids, painting, the ability to keep in touch through text and social media, all the people who love and care for Ringo, antianxiety meds, down blankets and pillows, laundry, pasta, cheese, bird in the feeder, a warm shower, Wild Writing, physical therapy, green tea, meditation, my weighted blanket, good neighbors, halloween decorations, green grapes, muffins, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep (I’m going to appreciate this last one especially tonight).

1. A Reason To Stop Worrying – Watch This Whenever You’re Stressed Or Anxious. (video)

2. What Does My Anxiety Mean? “I need to know what it means, to understand its purpose more deeply. Not to package and sell it — I won’t be writing an inspirational memoir about the invaluable lessons I learned from my anxiety and here’s how you can, too. I just need to make sense.”

3. Vintage Illustrations of Flora and Fauna Are Superimposed into Surreal Portraits by MUMI.

4. Returning to the Whole. “To heal ourselves, we must remember that we are a small part of a much greater whole, writes adrienne maree brown in their June column.”

5. ‘You Don’t Look Anorexic’ on The New York Times. “New research shows that our assumptions about eating disorders are often wrong — and that many larger-bodied people are starving themselves.” For me, my health issues for the most part are about three things: chronic stress, insufficient rest, and starving myself — for years. It’s easy to see why so many of us suffer when healthcare and wellness culture pretend the fix for everything is to “lose weight” and assume that the size of your body is the most accurate measure of health.

6. Ditch the hearse, bring the kids, have a picnic: an alternative undertaker’s tips for a better funeral. “Rupert Callender didn’t know what to do with his life until he realised he could help people mark the deaths of their loved ones. Just don’t mention pallbearers and the other traditional trappings.”

7. What Our Devotion to “Wellness Cures” Costs Us. “‘Wellness’ is not merely a vague and noble goal but is a growing $4.4 trillion industry seeking to influence women’s spending habits and capture as much of our money as possible.”

8. 9 Relatable Things That Drain Highly Sensitive People.

9. 3 Emotional Regulation Practices for People Who Feel Too Much. “How to avoid going into emotional overload and triggering your flight and fight response.” In related news, 5 Self-Soothing Techniques for Introverts Who Feel Overstimulated.

10. What to Know About Seasonal Depression on The New York Times. “If you notice drastic shifts in your mood during certain times of the year, you could have seasonal affective disorder. Here are answers to your top questions about the condition.”

11. Depression can make tasks as easy as showering feel impossible — here’s how I dealt.

12. Burnout was supposed to get better. It hasn’t. “It’s not just you: Almost half of American office workers feel burned out at work.” In related news, Beyond burnout: What helps—and what doesn’t.

13. Hackers stole $13,103.91 from me. Learn from my mistakes. “Here are three simple ways to protect yourself from common hacks.”

14. A therapist says most women have ‘mother hunger’ that affects their relationships — here are 2 signs you have it.

15. ‘PEN15’ was a masterclass in working through adolescent angst. “The final season offered a profound answer as to why it was unlike anything else on TV.”

16. ‘Slash/Back’ Review: Inuit teens battle aliens in a groundbreaking thriller. “Slash/Back may be a spiritual successor to The Thing, but it carves out a unique space as a sci-fi horror flick made for Indigenous young adults.”

17. What to Watch: 7 (Actually Good) LGBTQ+ Rom-Coms to Stream.

18. Rosie Thomas – Fly Little Crow (feat. Iron & Wine). (video)

19. Mary Karr on Navigating Memory While Writing Memoir. “A single image can split open the hard seed of the past.”

20. I Love Lists, a fun collection on A Grace Full Life.

21. A Simple Wish on Craft Talk. Also from Jami Attenberg on Craft Talk, What Writers Need.

22. 16 Life-Learnings from 16 Years of The Marginalian. “Reflections on keeping the soul intact and alive and worthy of itself.”

23. @englisheccentrichome on Instagram. Dreamy interiors posted by Nikki Renshaw. “I am an Interior Designer. This is my inspiration board.”

23. Good stuff from Jena Schwartz: Wild Thing and Homecoming.

24. The Ultimate Productivity Hack is Saying No. We don’t have to care about productivity to recognize the power of no.

25. America’s problem is White people keep backing the Republican Party. “A clear majority of White Americans keeps backing the Republican Party over the Democratic Party, even though the Republican Party is embracing terrible and at times antidemocratic policies and rhetoric. The alliance between Republicans and White Americans is by far the most important and problematic dynamic in American politics today.”

26. 10 Slow Living Books To Help You Simplify Your Life.

27. Why Every Introvert Should Have an Exercise Routine.

28. Training The Mind To Transform, on the podcast from the Upaya Center, a nine part series in which “Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams, Roshi, gives a Dharma talk introducing the practice of Lojong or mind training” and “Through personal investigation, creative confrontation, and rigorous practice, we will train our mind toward unshakable compassion together.”

29. Your autobiography from Seth Godin.

30. On Being Foundations, a special, four-part series. “On Being Foundations are words and ideas – ways of seeing the world and walking through it – that have emerged through 20 years of conversations which have come into conversation with each other and the life of the world. Think of these as tethering understandings towards our shared callings for inner life, presence to the world, and life together…Every session comes with an invitation that you can weave through the ordinary interactions of your life, your every day. You’ll find notes beneath each session posted on this page, with prompts to support that.”

31. #Blocktober from Mason Currey, which begins with #Blocktober begins here, (“A fog, a phobia—ennui, impotence, insanity—powerlessness, horror—and other attempts to describe the dreaded block”), and goes on to offer The perfect conditions for a creative block.

32. Comedian and actor Leslie Jordan dies after car crash at 67. This makes me so sad. He’d just lost his mama. “‘The world is definitely a much darker place today without the love and light of Leslie Jordan,’ a statement issued by the actor’s representative, David Shaul, said. ‘Not only was he a mega talent and joy to work with, but he provided an emotional sanctuary to the nation at one of its most difficult times. What he lacked in height he made up for in generosity and greatness as a son, brother, artist, comedian, partner and human being. Knowing that he has left the world at the height of both his professional and personal life is the only solace one can have today.'”

33. I Weigh Podcast: Holding and Understanding Grief with Megan Devine on Spotify. “Psychotherapist and author Megan Devine joins Jameela this week to discuss what grief is, how it can affect us physically, what we can say to those in our lives who are grieving, and how we can actually help, and then wrap things up by answering your questions about grief and healing.”

34. The existence of the last slave transport ship was denied. A new documentary reveals the truth. “Descendant tells the true story of the ship and the descendants of the enslaved people who have fought hard to establish the truth of the Clotilda’s existence, both to better understand their own roots and to prove to the world that the crime actually happened. It declares that history cannot be brushed aside because it makes some people feel bad to remember it.”