1. Truth: I’m still working on “The Book.” One complication is that as I write, I am aware there are at least four books, waiting and wanting to be written, (working titles: Sublimity, The Lost Years, Walking Meditation, and Stay). This makes the process a bit confusing, as I sit down to write what I think is for one book but the deeper I go it becomes clear it belongs to another, or worse yet has a place in multiple stories but must be approached with a different viewpoint each time. It can leave me feeling that I have NO IDEA what I’m doing, (um, because I don’t). I just keep showing up, making the effort, hoping it will work out. As I’m writing, I’m also finally reading the books on the craft of memoir that I’ve collected over the years, hoping that study can help support what I’m doing.
2. Truth: I miss writing to you more directly, kind and gentle reader. Even though everything I’m writing is intended to eventually be FOR YOU, not sharing it directly and immediately is so hard. I want to tell you everything, make sense of it in real time and in community, tell you as I go in case it might help you where you are, right now. And yet, there’s something about creating an offering that is larger, more expansive and in depth, something you can hold in your hands and will last beyond me.
3. Truth: This takes so much time and effort, is so complex. I’m not just writing a book(s) about my experience(s), I’m living it, and some of my story is happening in real time, in the real and very chaotic world. My WHOLE life, I’ve tried to prove my worth, to EARN the right to be here, only to discover in my 50s that much of what I was taught to value and do to get that love, safety, and belonging is fundamentally unworkable and untrue. It’s a lot to process, so much to unpack and unlearn. In moments of despair it makes it seem like I’ve wasted my life and I don’t have enough time left to turn things around. In other more gentle, kind moments I can see that I had to live this in order to make sense of it and share it in a way that might help make someone else’s time a little bit easier.
One wish: May we allow ourselves the time that it takes, rest when we need to rest, ask for help when we need it, trust ourselves and continue to show up, even when it’s hard.
2. How an adopted son honored his birth mom. (video) “A boy was never supposed to know his birth mother, but his adoptive parents had other plans. When he recently had his own son, he found a way to honor her. Steve Hartman shares more in ‘On the Road.'”
3. The Enduring Wisdom of ‘Goodnight Moon’on The New York Times. “It’s the first book many babies receive as a gift, and one of the few that parents will keep when their child is grown. Why does this 75-year-old story have such staying power?”
4. Were you a ‘parentified child’? What happens when children have to behave like adults. “The phenomenon has little to do with parental love, and much more to do with the personal and structural circumstances that stop parents from attending to the immense anxiety and burden that a child may be experiencing on their behalf. The parent is often unable to see that their child is taking responsibility for maintaining the peace in the family, for protecting one parent from the other, for being their friend and therapist, for mediating between the parents and the outside world, for parenting the siblings, and sometimes for the medical, social and economic stability of the household.”
12. Corn Kid Is Doing Just Fineon The New York Times. “He went viral this summer for his love of corn. Now it’s back to business as usual: elementary school.”
18. The Free Black Women’s Library, “a social art project, interactive installation and book collection that celebrates the brilliance, diversity and imagination of Black women and Black non-binary authors. The library features four thousand books written by Black women, as well as workshops, readings, story circles, performances, cultural conversations and a monthly reading club.” I love this project so much. Check out their reading room (video) and learn more about the project from the founder, (video).
22. I Don’t Need My Life to Be Remarkableon The New York Times. “I’ve come to see the wisdom in not just seeking but finding joy in the mundane, in the unremarkable, even in the frankly boring, particularly in this era of global — and personal — illness. I realize I am far from unique in my efforts to appreciate the moment. It is the essence of mindfulness, the stuff of my (often failed) efforts to meditate. But it has allowed me to stand still when I might otherwise never stop moving.”
24. Whatever Happened to the Starter Home?on The New York Times. “The economics of the housing market, and the local rules that shape it, have squeezed out entry-level homes.”
28. Why Do Women Gain Belly Fat in Midlife?on The New York Times. “And is there any way to target it through diet or exercise?” — **Spoiler Alert**: the answer is no.
39. 12. The Confused Chestnut Treefrom Summer Brennan. “But there was something sort of magical about it too, ominous but magical, like the tree was caught in two different times at once, flickering between spring and autumn, the present and the past. I suppose it’s a relatable feeling as well, that this tree has about it, when we’re not sure which way we’re going, out or in, going dormant or waking up. Is it time to give it all up and let everything fall so we can rest? Or to muster energy and hope, even against the odds of the season all around us, and send out new green buds? In times of turbulence, it seems even the trees aren’t always sure which way to turn.”
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 