Yearly Archives: 2020

Something Good

Image by Eric

1. Quote from Rabbi Yehuda HaChasid, “I will build an altar from the broken fragments of my heart,” (by way of Jena Schwartz‘s Dispatches from Daily Life.)

2. Wisdom from Francis Weller, “The task of a mature human being is to hold gratitude in one hand and grief in the other and to be stretched large by them,” by way of Erin Geesaman Rabke‘s newsletter. Erin also included a poem from Mark Nepo and these lines really touched me,

I guess, if you should ask, peace
is no more than the underside
of tired wings resting on the lake
while the heart in its feathers
pounds softer and softer.

3. The “New Age Thinking Will Make Me Thin” Diet. Been there, done that.

4. Is Fatphobia the Opposite of Skinny-Shaming? from Dances with Fat.

5. Black People Need Stronger White Allies — Here’s How You Can Be One. In related news, On Becoming Anti-Racist, and Anti-racism resources for white people, and How to help Black Lives Matter: 9 things you can do for the George Floyd protesters right now, and 26 ways to be in the strugglebeyond the streets, and For Our White Friends Desiring to Be Allies, and Save the Tears: White Woman’s Guide, and How to Fight for Justice for George Floyd, and 75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice, and For White People Only.

6. A Timeline of Events That Led to the 2020 ‘Fed Up’-rising. “To contextualize the anger, frustration and desperation that forced protesters to recreate the lawlessness and chaos that black people experience on a daily basis, The Root has created a timeline of some of the events that led up to black people across the country collectively saying: ‘Aight, den.'” In related news, George Floyd’s killing has opened the wounds of centuries of American racism, “George Floyd’s killing and the ensuing protests, explained.”

7. Mary Lambert – Not Ready To Die Yet. (video)

8. 6 Lessons We Learned During Lockdown That We Can’t Forget After It Ends.

9. A message for graduates: Enjoy your obscurity while it lasts from Austin Kleon. Also from Austin, A tiny triumph and Work and learn in evil days, in which he says, “Feeling grateful for what art can do. How you can disappear into a tiny room and make your own world. How you sit down with a blank page and fill it with your hands and at the end there’s something in the world that wasn’t there before. That simple, basic thing.”

10. Wild Writing Family, a Wild Writing membership with Laurie Wagner. In all sincerity and seriousness, this practice with this teacher has had as much of an impact on my life as meditation, yoga, and my dogs, is as essential to me as air or water.

11. 25 Reasons to Write a Book from Alexandra Franzen.

12. Dear Amy Cooper, an open letter and some great resources from Jena Schwartz. In related news, It looks like Amy Cooper, the white woman in the viral Central Park video, is a liberal. That’s important, and White Woman Who Called Police On Black Bird-Watcher In Central Park Has Been Fired, and 5 Racist Anti-Racism Responses “Good” White Women Give to Viral Posts, and 10 Habits of Someone Who Doesn’t Know They’re Anti-Black, and Dear White People, This is What We Want You to Do and, Expressive Writing Prompts to Use If You’ve Been Accused of White Fragility Spiritual Bypass or White Privilege.

13. Justice and dignity, too often in short supply from Seth Godin.

14. Remember, No One Is Coming to Save Us by Roxane Gay on The New York Times, because this:

Eventually, doctors will find a coronavirus vaccine, but black people will continue to wait, despite the futility of hope, for a cure for racism. We will live with the knowledge that a hashtag is not a vaccine for white supremacy. We live with the knowledge that, still, no one is coming to save us. The rest of the world yearns to get back to normal. For black people, normal is the very thing from which we yearn to be free.

15. A Weekend of Pain and Protest from The Daily podcast on The New York Times. “Demonstrations have erupted in at least 140 cities across the United States in the days since George Floyd, a black man, died in police custody in Minneapolis. We were on the ground in some of them, chronicling 72 hours of pain and protest.”

16. In Some Cities, Police Officers Joined Protesters Marching Against Brutality. I appreciate the Flint officers who took off their helmets and put down their batons rather than spraying mace, shooting rubber bullets, etc., instead marching with the people, but I also think it was wrong of Genesee County Sheriff Chris Swanson to say, “let’s turn this protest into a parade” because it is dismissive of the ongoing pain, grief, rage, and harm. Nothing about this is fun. It’s not a party or celebration. There is something absolutely worth protesting, raging against. I also feel weird about the officers taking a knee. I think they intend to show (or rather perform) solidarity with Colin Kaepernick’s protest, but to take a knee when this current surge of protests was triggered by one of their own taking a knee on George Floyd’s neck, it’s tone deaf at best.

17. How to more safely protest in a pandemic. “Tips for reducing the risk of spreading the coronavirus in a mass gathering, from public health experts.” It’s been scary to watch some of the video, people shaking hands and hugging, so close together, many of them not wearing masks.

18. 35 Fox Pics That Show What Wonderful Creatures They Are.

19. Coronavirus May Be a Blood Vessel Disease, Which Explains Everything. “Many of the infection’s bizarre symptoms have one thing in common.” In other COVID-19 news, You won’t likely catch coronavirus from a surface or an animal, the CDC reports, and It’s Not Whether You Were Exposed to the Virus. It’s How Much on The New York Times.

20. Trump’s Phone Call With George Floyd’s Family Went as Well as You’d Expect.

21. George Floyd’s rap career deserves to be remembered.

22. When Raging Against The Machine Beware Of The White Agent Provocateur. In related news, Far-Right Extremists Are Hoping to Turn the George Floyd Protests Into a New Civil War.

23. It Does Not Matter If You Are Good. “On Omar Jimenez, George Floyd, Christian Cooper and the myth of being non-threatening.”

24. White women form a human shield to protect black demonstrators protesting in Louisville. This is the way to do it. How can we mimic this sort of protection, engagement, care in our daily lives, I wonder?

25. Comic: Why You Should Turn Your Yard Into a Mini-Farm. “Take that lawn by the grass and grow something!”

26. After Trump encourages shooting of ‘thugs’ in Minneapolis, Twitter gives him ‘glorifying violence’ warning. In related news, Full Disclosure: An Interview with Noel Casler, “The former ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ talent handler on what he saw behind the scenes.” This article terrified me because it makes it very clear that it’s not just a rumor or speculation how really terrible our Fascist in Chief is, but rather it is a known fact, general knowledge, which means anyone who works with or near him and does nothing to stop him is culpable.

27. Tracee Ellis Ross Can Hit The High Notes, Too.

28. Interview with Dr. Jarvis Chen About Re-Opening Yoga Classes and Studios. I thought this passage was particularly helpful:

One of yoga’s central teachings is that everything changes. This material world of prakṛti is impermanent and always changing (pariṇāmavāda) and we suffer when we remain attached to the way things were. So, it is important for us as yoga practitioners to question our attachment to how we used to live our lives, our aversion to some of the things we may continue to have to do to mitigate the risk of coronavirus transmission, and our fear of the unknown.

29. I’m tired. You’re tired. Hi.

30. Upaya Work Prayer from Joan Halifax:

May this work be done in a spirit of generosity
not driven by ego, greed, or delusion.
May kindness sustain us and prevail in conflict, and compassion guide us and lead us to understanding.
May we rejoice in the successes of others,
and remain unmoved by praise or blame.

Gratitude Friday

1. An easy death for Sam. Believe me, kind and gentle reader, I am as shocked to write that as you are to read it. As of this morning, my sweet Sam is no longer with us. We took him to the vet this week because his belly was distended and he was breathing harder than usual on walks. I took him knowing that many of the things it could be were bad, really bad, but I still thought maybe it could be an infection or even Cushing’s (what a strange thing to wish for) or maybe I was even overreacting. I sent him in while I waited in the car (COVID-19 protocol). His vet called me and said there was fluid on/in his belly and that she could feel a mass. She took x-rays and his chest was clear but there was most definitely a large mass in his abdomen. We took him to another office where they could do an ultrasound, not knowing exactly what they’d find but for certain it was bad.

There was a large tumor on his spleen and another mass on his stomach. We made the decision that we weren’t going to put Sam through any invasive treatments, as the ultimate outcome would most likely be the same no matter what we did. Anything other than some combination of surgery and chemo (only prolonging the inevitable) would have only bought us a bit more time but could have led to a horrible end for him, as his spleen could rupture at any time and he would bleed to death. So this morning we did the hardest thing anyone who loves a pet ever has to do, and we let him go.

The morning was very typical, perfect for Sam who loved his routine so much. When the birds started singing outside, he got up in bed and cuddled with me. A bit later, we got up and he had his breakfast. Then we went on a gorgeous walk, 4.5 miles along the river. When we came home, he “took a shower with me,” one of his favorite things (he comes in and sleeps on the bathmat while I shower). I was hoping he’d come to meditate with me like he does sometimes, but he got on his couch and took a nap instead. In our last hour, we all hung out in the backyard together.

The vet came to our house (we’ve been lucky enough to be able to do this for all of our dogs). I gave Sam a frozen Kong full of peanut butter and his favorite bison meal cookies. He worked on that while she gave him the first shot to sedate him. He tried so hard to stay awake, was so happy with his treat and all the pets, and it was so peaceful when he finally did rest. The very end was just as peaceful and quick, with Eric and I right there telling him what a good boy he is, was. After the vet left, Ringo was able to come out and see him (with the COVID-19 protocols this time, it was too much to have him out during). In typical Ringo fashion, Ringo sniffed Sam and then flipped over and rolled in the grass next to him. I’m still in shock, and my heart is broken. Sam was my shadow, followed me every where, and I’m feeling lost without him.

The sweetest photo bomber

2. Practice. As much as it saves me usually, as much as it’s done for me during this global pandemic, it truly is serving me now. When we got home from the ultrasound, and were clear about what the right choice for Sam was, before I made any arrangements, I went in my practice room and meditated, with Sam right beside me. I needed to process what was happening and wanted to be really sure, clear about the decision. It offered both clarity and comfort.

3. The love and kindness of people, both those who know and love me, and those who’ve never even met me. We are all dealing with so much right now, losing so much, collectively and individually. Having people support you, offer help and comfort, is what gets us through it.

4. Good food. Even though I haven’t had much of an appetite the past few days, I’ve been glad to have tasty, nourishing things to eat. And p.s., have you tried Beyond Meat Burgers? I like them WAY better than the real thing.

5. My garden. My first peony bloomed today. All my peonies were planted for those I’ve loved and lost, so it was appropriate. I supposed I’ll need to plant one more now. Also, if you are a gardener you most likely already know this, but weeding can be so therapeutic, so satisfying.

6. This morning’s walk with my tiny family. It was the last one we’ll take together, maybe the last one of the season along the river (there were a few mosquitoes out today and with the recent rain and this week’s heat, there will be many, many more).

Bonus joy: strawberries from our garden, being able to text and tell people what was going on with Sam, that he had a really good last week, that he died unafraid and happy and so loved, all the various professionals who are kind and wise humans and helped us through this, flowers on my doorstep (twice), so much love sent our way, a husband who loves our dogs as much as me and is as sad as I am but also willing to do the right thing for them even when it is so hard, that Sam will never have to hide from the washing machine or run away from someone coughing or get a bath ever again, that all my pain means he has none, even the tears.

I don’t want to press publish on this. There’s something really final and true about telling you all that Sam is gone, posting this here, and I know that next week there will be no more new pictures or news of him. And yet, may we all know as much love as he did and when it’s time for us to go, may we go just as easy.