Project Reverb prompt: “What one word could describe your 2014?”

My word for 2014: Home. This is the word I picked to guide my year, the intention I set. I explained my choice at the beginning of the year this way,

This next year, I long for a return home, to feel at home — in my body, my house, my work, my job, my relationships, my life. I long for the sense of comfort, safety, authority, belonging and ease that comes with “home.” I want to nest right where I am, to clear out room, make space, settle in. The process of clearing is related to what Rumi says, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” And it’s not just about me, solitary and alone, but as Ram Dass says, “we are all just walking each other home.”

In my mid-year review of my choice, I described my intention in more detail and reflected on the surprises it brought me in the first six months of 2014. I said,

Choosing “home” to guide me, as a reminder of how I want to experience my life, has been of great benefit to me. It has also surprised me. I knew it meant literally being home, a return to a simpler way of being, bringing all my resources to focus on this place, it’s physical form and the space inside of me, shelter and shape. What I forgot was that it would also mean confronting the monsters under my bed, the skeletons in my closet, the dirty dishes in the sink.

All of this, the obstacles and unexpected difficulty, force me to be honest — about who I am, what I want, what I’m doing, what I value. It means saying “no” more often. It means lowering the bar. Letting go, surrender. Staying with the discomfort rather than freaking out and running away, staying awake rather than numbing out. Keeping my heart open.

As the end of 2014 nears, I feel settled in, comfortable with my choice and my intention, content with how things unfolded — I feel like I’m home. There’s still work to be done, but I’m no longer homesick for myself and I live where I live.

Reverb14 prompt: “The idea of rooting down into your own personal beliefs and center of truth is an ongoing process, and many things can serve as anchors or roots as you move through life. What rooted or anchored you in 2014? And where do you want to put down roots in 2015?”

What rooted or anchored you in 2014: practice (yoga, meditation, writing, and dog), study, long walks with the dogs, my marriage, family and friends, faith in basic goodness, clarity about who I truly am, knowing what I wanted my life to be like, what I wanted to experience and feel, stillness and quiet, rest and ease, love, love, love.

Where I want to put down roots in 2015: nourishment in both meanings of the word, (to feed and to cherish), being embodied boundlessness (Space Dancer), my tiny family, practice, teaching, my own truth, my fundamental nature, simplicity, and love, love, love.

Project Reverb prompt: “Chances are, if you’re participating in #reverb it’s because you like writing. Or at least want to like writing. Writing is like a muscle. Use it or lose it. What do you do every day to hone your craft? Or, what would you like to do each day to contribute to your writing?”

I write every day. I have a morning writing practice where I write for up to an hour. Later in the day, I might publish a blog post or work on a book or write something for my work at CSU. Something else I do every day to “hone my craft” is read.

What I’d like to do more of is reading and publishing. I’d also like to spend more time working on the two books I’m writing and teach some writing classes.

Reverb14 prompt: For this, Marianne Elliott shares an exercise with a series of steps. What I’m sharing here is the list in response to “When and how was I brave in 2014?”

I got another dog, opened my heart to another one knowing full well he will break my heart into a million pieces just like the others.

I trained to become a certified yoga instructor, even though I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, still confused about how to care for my body, not as strong as I was, and scared to be a beginner again.

I had difficult conversations with Eric, even though it would have been easier to just leave things as they were. I started a dialogue with no guarantee where it would lead. I risked being misunderstood and hurt.

I let myself feel what I felt. I honored my hungers most of the time. I allowed myself to want what I wanted.

I stopped weighing myself. I stopped starving myself and overexercising. I let my body be, stopped being at war with it, knowing I’d be judged for it.

I kept showing up with an open heart. I kept writing, posted or published a lot of it. I told the truth. I asked for help.

I said “no” more often. People didn’t like it, but it made space for what I really wanted to say “yes” to.