Tag Archives: Love Letter

Messages from the Universe

Eric and I fundamentally disagree on one thing: I think that there is some order or intention in the way the world works and in how things happen, am always trying to figure out what things mean, and he thinks that if it is anything, it’s just nature doing what it does, and therefore random, chaos, nothing more than organic logic. His view is most likely more healthy, more sane, even more practical. And yet, even when things seem random, I can’t help myself, I look close, try to see if there are patterns or some hidden magic, and in everything that comes to me, everything I experience or encounter, I look for a message from the Universe.

I think that the world is trying to communicate with me. I am always trying to uncover the secret, see the sign, figure out the thing I’m supposed to learn or discover. Even though I am reluctant to label it as a belief in fate or destiny or even God, I find it hard to accept that things are happening according to nothing more than chance, that there’s no meaning.

This summer, in Andrea Scher’s Dream Lab ecourse, one of our tasks was to write ourselves a love letter, mail it to Andrea, and at some point in the future, she’d mail it back to us. I wrote mine as it it was directly from the Universe, sealed it in a self-addressed stamped envelope, mailed it, and promptly forgot about it. Yesterday, it was delivered…sort of.

Based on the postmark information, there were at least three attempts to deliver it. The handwritten “Del to:” and various arrows pointing to my name and address make me think that one of those times, it was misdelivered to the wrong location. At some point along its journey back to me, the envelope came unglued and open, and the letter was lost. What I got on my end was an empty envelope, stamped in red with “received without contents” and “received unsealed.” I laughed when I saw it. It seems so right that I, Lucille Ball Jr., would get a letter from the Universe that was completely empty.

There was something oddly poetic about it. Especially because right underneath it in my mailbox was a letter from J, full of doodles and love. The real message? “That stuff you wrote was nice, and true, but it’s all stuff you already know. I want you instead to hear what J has to say to you, that’s what I really need you to know.” And her message was (I’m paraphrasing here) that who I am, who I really am, is my superpower.

What I know from having written J a loopy love letter and then getting one in response, what I know from writing this blog and sharing with my kind and gentle readers, what I know from communing with the tribe of women I belong to, what I know from being more present and awake in my life and trusting myself, my innate wisdom and kindness, being vulnerable and courageous, is that by being who I am, writing the way I do, showing up with an open heart, being honest and genuine, other people feel less alone. And the added bonus is that I feel less alone. For so long, I tried to change, to deny or hide or reject the parts of me that seemed “wrong,” but it turns out that all that stuff I thought was weird or broken or crazy is exactly what the world needs from me. It’s the thing I have to offer, the way I am able to ease suffering in the world. Who knew?

An Open Love Letter to Patti Digh, Mary Anne Radmacher, and Karma

poster gift from Patti Digh to her mailing list

I am cradled today in the comfort of kindness, the awareness that every kindness you ever offer somehow finds it’s way back to you. In the simplest way, this is karma–every action has a consequence. Today, I am humbled by it, my heart softened, opened by the practice of generosity, and the kindness that has found it’s way to me because of it. I feel tender and raw, sad and weepy because of it, but also so joyful and grateful.

card from Mary Ann Radmacher

Patti Digh is one of my favorite authors, humans. I have learned so much from her about showing up, keeping my heart open, cultivating courage and compassion. She’s given me so much, and there is no way to repay that kind of gift directly or completely.

live shot of Patti during a virtual party for the launch of her new 37 days website, oh that smile!

And yet, at the end of this summer, I had an opportunity to help her, to give what I could give. Her husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer during a time when he had no health insurance and he needed an expensive surgery. The John F. Ptak Relief Fund was created and I was happy to donate, happy to offer some small kindness to a woman who’d already given me so much.

The story doesn’t end there. Just as I was about to make a donation, Mary Ann Radmacher announced on Facebook that the first ten people to make a $100 donation and contact her would get an original piece of her work. She’s an amazing artist and writer. I love everything she does. Her quote “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow” has offered me so much comfort in the past year.

To create my original piece, she asked for my most favorite colors (purples, blues and greens–colors of flowers, the ocean, and the trees), shape (infinity symbol) and most treasured iconic image (lotus flower). When the package arrived in the mail and I saw what she’d made, my heart was so full it felt like it would break.

Holy Wow. I can’t stop staring at it. And that’s not all, she also sent me a signed copy of her new book, Honey in Your Heart: Ways to See and Savor the Simple Good Things. Do you understand, kind and gentle reader? She didn’t have to do that. The book wasn’t part of the deal, a deal that was already super sweet, above and beyond, but she sent it along anyway, added a bonus gift. One generous act beget a kindness that, as it was passed along from person to person, heart to heart, grew so big, got so bright. I have faith that it won’t stop with this.

“Honey is a sweetness, occurring as the result of creatures doing what comes from acting according to their nature,” says Mary Anne in the introduction to her new book. We humans are fundamentally good, inherently compassionate and wise, and this sweetness, these kind acts (Patti giving, me giving to her, and Mary Anne giving to me because I gave to Patti), this infinity loop of generosity and love is, I believe with my whole heart, just that: the result of creatures doing what comes from acting according to their nature.