Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Morning walks. This week, they were under a full moon.

2. Feeling better. Not just me, but Sam too. He was pretty messed up from the sedation he had for his ultrasound and shot (whining and peeing everywhere he laid down to sleep that first night), but after that wore off, he was feeling so much better. We are weaning him off of some of his pain meds and will try a walk around the block in the morning. Fingers and paws crossed that he’s turned a corner, is on the upswing. I can’t say for sure because I haven’t been home with him that much in the past few days, but his limp seems mostly gone, which feels like some sort of miracle after almost three months.

Feeling punky on the ride home from the procedure, and peeing himself and the back of my car

Next day, feeling much better

3. Ringo. In particular the fact that he’s completely healthy and happy right now, being so good while Sam needs to rest and be calm.

He won’t look at me when he knows I’m trying to take his picture

4. Eric. He takes care of all of us. He even puts up with it when Ringo tries to take a nap, ON him.

5. Practice, in all the ways it manifests.

Bonus joy: they are fixing the heater in the pool so I finally get to go back to aqua aerobics on Monday (and show off my new swimming suit), sleep, clean sheets, getting all the laundry done and put away on Friday, barbecue, being able to pay for the help that Sam needs, dried plums, Kleenex with lotion, computer glasses, daffodils blooming in my garden (although, they are getting snowed on today), three new seasons of various HGTV shows on HULU, good books.

From our walk this morning

1. Truth: Some days I’m worried, and it makes it hard to concentrate. Sam is getting an ultrasound today to see if we can get a clearer picture (literally) of what’s going on with him. He’ll have to be sedated and if they find what they expect, he’ll be getting a platelet injection. The sedation is what worries me, always does. No matter how careful everyone is, there’s risk involved, and it makes it hard to focus on anything else while I wait.

2. Truth: While big things matter, sometimes it’s the little things. I’m thinking in terms of the negatives here, how a collection of small things adds up to something. Like maybe it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal that we shifted from paper forms to an online timeclock for student workers, or because of ongoing construction the closest I can park to my office is half a mile away, or they added chicken to the ingredients of something labeled “Peanut Butter flavor,” or it was windy all night and this morning and will be the rest of the day and tomorrow. Any of those by itself is so small, almost irrelevant, but somehow together they add up to some sort of omen, message, sign.

3. Truth: I love surprising people more than almost anything. Yesterday my nieces were posting on Facebook about Ocean Spray Cran-Pineapple juice, how it sounded good but you could only get it on Amazon. I ordered two jugs and sent it to them. No worries that I’m spoiling the surprise by writing about it here. They don’t read my blog. Another time, a friend was telling me about this Mary Poppins spoon that she’d saved box tops from cereal boxes and sent away for when she was a kid. She ate her cereal with it every morning, but then lost it somehow. I got on Ebay and found one, ordered it and put it in her mailbox at work, anonymously. The surprise didn’t last because when she found it, I was the first person she told, and the joy on my face gave me away. I always eventually confess, just so the surprise doesn’t seem creepy.

One wish: May our worry be eased and our aching hearts soothed by the sweet surprise of love and friendship.