1. Morning walks. I love fall in Colorado, so much. It’s a bit different this year because we’ve had and continue to have so much rain (“so much” in Colorado terms). I’d usually be walking only by the river and the ponds this time of year, but when it rains, those trails are too muddy. The weather has also changed how things look — grass is still green, some of the trees aren’t turning color yet and some won’t this year at all, so it isn’t golden the way it normally would be. I miss that.
What it looked like this time last yearOne of this year’s babies
2. Another trip to Oregon. Although I could live without the “why” of this trip, I am grateful that I can go. My dad is still there, although that could change before I arrive. My mom is supposed to get to go back home in a few days, so she’ll be there and is looking forward to seeing me. And I’ll get to see my brother, thank him in person for everything he’s been doing in the weeks between my last trip and this one, be able to give him a bit of a break. I’ll also get to be there for my niece Annie’s birthday and my mom & dad’s 59th wedding anniversary. And, I’ll get back to Colorado in time for Eric & I’s 30th wedding anniversary.
3. Practice. I’m feeling the pull to sink even deeper into contemplation, study, and practice. It nourishes me, supports me, strengthens me, saves me. I wouldn’t still be here without it.
4. The chance to begin again, to start over. No matter how far you wander off, no matter how deep in the weeds you get, you can always start again, redirect, recalibrate. Getting lost, plans not working out, things being different or more difficult than you expected, or even simply changing your mind are not signs of failure or reasons to despair or give up. When you notice you’ve drifted off, just come back, start over as many times as necessary.
5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I’m taking Ringo in this week to get a mystery lump checked by his vet. We could use all your good thoughts around that, because if something bad is happening to Ringo on top of everything else, I may lose my sh*t. You know how “they say” that when things go down in your life, you find out who your true friends are? That’s so true, and related to that, I picked the best partner for myself in Eric. He’s always so good to me, has been so supportive.
Bonus joy: aqua aerobics, sitting in the sauna, the hydromassage chair, training with Shelby and the gang, dark chocolate covered walnuts, chocolate zucchini bread, scrambled eggs, watching Iron Chef and Snapped with Eric, making each other laugh, letters and texts from Chloe’, memes from Carrie and how riled up she gets on my behalf, texting with Shellie and Chris and Mom, malas, peanut butter, all the pillows, down blankets, wool socks, honeybees, barbeque, practicing with my writing sangha, good doctors, good neighbors, other people’s dogs, the quiet of the graveyard, gummies, writing in the morning with my HappyLight and a mug of green tea, seeing Lindsey, maple trees, seeds, listening to music and podcasts, reconnecting with good friends, getting books from the library, Maria Bamford’s book, community, naps, art, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.
1. In Those Quiet Hours. (video) A gorgeous and heartbreaking poem from Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. These two from Rosemerry also stand (as my friend Wendy once said) in between grief and grace: In a Difficult Time and Timing.
4. Anne Gudger Tells Us: About Grief Being the Source of Our Superpowers. “Grief taught me compassion. Grief taught me to not take time for granted. To say and do the things that matter. Tell people I love them. Walk in love. I’m fond of saying grief’s the source of my superpowers, because it is.”
15. Living and Dying in ¾ Timeon The New York Times. “Whenever I take my young researchers on celebrity interviews, I give them the Warning: No matter how well you hit it off, don’t feel bad if you ever run into the stars again and they act as though they don’t know you. That’s usually how it goes. Think of them as elusive, shimmering creatures from another planet. One of the few exceptions to this rule was Jimmy Buffett.”
23. Fall Vibesfrom Jami Attenberg. The last two paragraphs? Whoa. I needed that.
24. How to Trust Your Basic Goodnesson Lion’s Roar. “The gold of your true nature can get buried beneath fear and confusion, but it can never be tarnished. Tara Brach shares how to trust your basic goodness.”
25. What Our Grief Can Teach Usfrom Frederick Joseph. “Death is an inexplicable thief. It does not discern; it does not choose based on worthiness or love. It comes uninvited, often at times when its presence is the most jarring, the most inconceivable. And so, as I ponder the lives lost to the unfathomable randomness of fate, I am reminded that our time here is limited. But our impact, our legacy, the love we give and receive—that can defy the very constraints of mortality.”
28. The Alternative to “Obesity Medicine”from Ragen Chastain. “What if there was a field of medicine dedicated to providing better care to fat* patients rather than dedicated to making us thin?”
30. The Mind of Writing: Natalie Goldbergfrom the Upaya Zen Center. “‘There’s an integrity to mind if you watch it.’ In this fresh talk, Natalie Goldberg shares about giving space to her grief, about her high school friend Phyllis, about time, about watching Katagiri Roshi’s mind, about teaching teachers in North Dakota, about poet Jimmy Santiago Baca, about Dogen, about neurodivergence, about Faulkner. Natalie is alive and so is her talk—it organically unfolds, each story propelling the next. The talk helps us to experience what it is to drop below discursive thinking, to experience the mind of writing through the vibrant details and stories Natalie shares with us.”
Also from Upaya, Being Awake (Online 2023). “To awaken is to be fully alive. We integrate mind, heart, body and reality. Everything we encounter, even suffering, can support the development of a wise and compassionate heart, so we can become a whole human being. We will explore how we can use challenging conditions, whether personal or social, to cultivate awakening and aliveness, and express that realization through loving action.”
36. The Wonder of Small Things: Poems of Peace and Renewal. “James Crews, editor of two best-selling poetry anthologies, How to Love the World and The Path to Kindness, presents an all-new collection of highly accessible poems on the theme of celebrating moments of wonder and peace in everyday life. As Crews writes in the ‘[A] deep love for the world is present in every one of the poems gathered in this book. Wonder calls us back to the curiosity we are each born with, and it makes us want to move closer to what sparks our attention. Wonder opens our senses and helps us stay in touch with a humbling sense of our own human smallness in the face of unexpected beauty and the delicious mysteries of life on this planet.'”
39. Generation 9/11on PBS, “an intimate film driven by the stories and personalities of its protagonists, who were born in the wake of a global tragedy which, for them, was also deeply personal. But it is also the story an entire generation that has been shaped by the attacks and their aftermath.”
43. Creative Personal Developmentwith Todd Mitchell. “A holistic combination of individual creativity coaching, expert craft instruction, and life-changing personal development.”
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 