1. I’ve spent a lot of my life giving all my best away. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this except when I manage to leave myself with nothing, just scraps, crumbs, remnants. I was led to believe that everyone did the same and that resulted in a system of “give your best/receive the best from others.” I saw it as transactional in that way, karmic even, that you would get what you give (even to the point of it multiplying when it comes back to you, “tenfold”), or as the bible put it, “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
2. I had it wrong and got lost, turned around. For all kinds of reasons, you can’t count on reciprocity. Sometimes it happens but often what you are offered (if anything) isn’t exactly enough or exactly right, isn’t what you need, falls short. And even in relationships where it happens on occasion (you getting what you need) there are still seasons where the balance is off. Even in healthy, sane relationships there are times where one just doesn’t have the capacity and the other needs to pick up the slack — which makes me think of that great poem “A Marriage” by Michael Blumenthal. And of course there are those whose own suffering means they take but won’t give back in equal measure (if at all), won’t show up, won’t stick around.
3. I’m practicing being myself and giving my best. I can show up for those I love, for those with a need I’m able to meet, AND I can take the very best care of myself — which sometimes means a clear boundary with someone who disregards who you are and what you need. I can come home to myself, call my energy back. I can stay close to those who are here for me, and for those who aren’t I can love them from afar, wish them well and release them.
One wish: May you be surrounded by people who show up and are present even in the boredom and discomfort and not knowing, and may those relationships be mutually beneficial. For those who aren’t able to go there with you, to stay, may they find what they need elsewhere. May your tender heart recognize those who are steady and ready and respond accordingly, loving those who can love you and letting go with love of those who can’t.
7. Lots of talk, still too little change to policing three years after George Floyd’s murder. “The fault lines that widened in the aftermath of the Floyd murder are troublesome and continue to present serious peril as the nation struggles to deal with public safety and the role of police. But there are opportunities for consensus-based constructive change, if we’re smart enough to grab them.”
15. Welcome to the Department of Make Believefrom Laurie Wagner. “I’ve been working with adults most of my life, and so much of the work we’re doing in Wild Writing has become about love. At first I thought it was writing I was teaching over 20 years ago, but it’s become all about listening and trusting the sound of our own voices – the stuff inside of us that we haven’t always had the courage to bring out.”
16. The Wisdom of The Essayfrom Summer Brennan. “Some thoughts from a recent craft seminar with award-winning writer Alexander Chee.”
24. Visual Frameworks. “Visual frameworks are patterns to help you think creatively, reframe challenging situations, and imagine possible strategies and solutions. Think of a situation or challenge that’s on your mind right now, and click an image below.” In related news, Exploring stuckness with visual frameworks.
26. Playing a religious character without making faith the punchline. “I started watching this show a few weeks ago called Somebody Somewhere on HBO and raved about it to anyone who would listen. A lot of things struck me about it — the fullness of the queer characters for one, and the authenticity of the dialogue. But even more so for me, it stood out because of the way it represented religion through a character named Joel.” I adore this show.
30. The exciting possibilities that open up when you rip up your lawn. “In ‘Soil,’ Dungy recounts taking a grass and rockscape lawn in a suburban neighborhood and transforming it into an ecosystem for birds, bugs, rabbits and native plants. We talked together about the implications of gardening as a political and social act.”
36. Ashley Judd Reflects on a Year of Griefon The New York Times. “The actress and mental health advocate shares how she coped while mourning the loss of her mother, the country music singer Naomi Judd, who died by suicide.”
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 