Category Archives: Pema Chödrön

Three Truths and One Wish

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A Secret: I think today’s Three Truths and One Wish might just be a Something Good post in disguise, and it’s all about the love, Baby.

poster gift from Patti Digh to her mailing list

1. Truth: All the love you need, you already have. No need to look outside yourself, no reason to wait for someone to save you, no need to attach to any person, program, or possession–none of that, none of them, will give you anything you don’t already have. You are not a hole to be filled or wound to be healed, you are not empty or broken. You are enough, just as you are, and your fundamental nature is basic goodness, wisdom and love.

When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space. ~Pema Chödrön

Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself. ~Rumi

2. Truth: You are your own soul mate, the love of your life. There’s not some magic other half “out there” that will complete you, save you, make your life happy and safe, make you whole–(see truth #1). Yes, you might find a mate, a good and healthy match for you the enriches your life in so many ways, but it won’t fix everything, and it will bring struggle and suffering of its own. YOU are the only one who will always love you, be with you from birth to death, who knows just how to love you and give you exactly what you need.

You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck!
~Rumi

3. Truth: No one will ever love you like you do. If you aren’t utterly head over heels in love with yourself, if you aren’t showing yourself that level of attention and care, make changing that your mission. Whatever you want, whatever you need or feel is missing, figure out how you can give that to yourself. If you are waiting for someone to give you the love you need and deserve, stop waiting and love yourself.

Learning how to be kind to ourselves, learning how to respect ourselves, is important. The reason it’s important is that, fundamentally, when we look into our own hearts and begin to discover what is confused and what is brilliant, what is bitter and what is sweet, it isn’t just ourselves that we’re discovering. We’re discovering the universe. ~Pema Chödrön

Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love. ~Rumi

One Wish: If you aren’t already completely committed to loving yourself, that you discover that wonder, that strength, that wisdom, that joy, that contentment in your life, quickly and without obstacle. I wish this for myself as well, that I not only intellectually accept these three truths, but that I embody them, manifest self-love in my life, and that in turn, I am able to give love to the world.

What is love?

A few loving things you might consider doing for yourself, with yourself today that have the potential to generate more love in the world:

:: Read Daniel Collinsworth’s post on Kind Over Matter, “Random Acts of Unconditional Love,” in which he proposes “making it a day of random acts of unconditional love — small gestures of kindness for all the people you interact with throughout your day.”

:: Watch this video that Daniel shared at the end of his post. I watched it, and it made my whole day. So, even if you don’t read his post, trust me that it will be worth your time and watch this video, (but really, I think you should read his post too).

:: Join the “Generosity Day” Cause, “We’re rebooting Valentine’s Day as Generosity Day: one day of sharing love with everyone, of being generous to everyone, to see how it feels and to practice saying ‘Yes.’ Let’s make the day about love, action and human connection – because we can do better than smarmy greeting cards, overpriced roses, and stressed-out couples trying to create romantic meals on the fly.”

:: Read “The Last Thing We Want To Do Is Love” by Fiona Robyn at Writing Our Way Home:

image from Fiona's post

“In the midst of total uncertainty, we can love.” This is what Terrance Keenan has to say. He doesn’t say, we can feel that we are loved. He says, we can love.

Easier said than done. When there isn’t any ground under our feet, when we feel we’re being let down by people and situations and the whole world, the LAST thing we want to do is love.

And yet…What is the alternative? Closing down. Putting up walls. Looking after ourselves. Not seeing the pain of the other, not being softened by the pain of others, not dissolving into scary sweetness…

It happens to be Valentine’s Day today, which is mostly a contrived commercial holiday that is a pale, weak substitute for the full measure of love and generosity we are capable of, so on this day, instead of flowers or chocolate, live up to the full potential of your vulnerable, tender, brave, wide open heart. Gentleness is your superpower. You are a warrior of wisdom and kindness–act like it.

calligraphy by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Something Good

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:: Well-Fed Woman Mini Retreatshop in Fort Collins, Colorado: next Sunday, February 19th. If you’ve been on the fence about it, buy your ticket today. The feedback from attendees makes it clear it’s not to be missed. Read why it’s so important to me, what Rachel had to say, and what she says on her website about the event.

Update: I just got an email from Rachel that she’s put up a new post about the Retreatshop, pictures and praise. You should go read it, and then buy your ticket!

:: Slim, my new favorite person. Jamie Ridler posted something this weekend about Slim and his Kickstarter book project, (which I am going to contribute to as soon as I get the chance, because I want to read this book).

Seung Chan Lim, better known as Slim, holds a BS in Computer Science from Carnegie Mellon University where he studied under the late Dr. Randy Pausch [you may have seen his “Last Lecture“]. He also holds an MBA from Point Park University and has recently graduated with an MFA from the Rhode Island School of Design.

Slim says about the book:

What is the book about? At the heart of it is an inquiry into the meaning of making. I am deeply interested in how making works (as a process), what it means (to make something), and why it matters (to our lives). One of the central themes is the relationship between the act of empathizing with the act of making. The second theme is exploring how we can design a space that facilitates the act of making: what I call the empathic conversation.

He talks more about these concepts in this video.

You should take some time and look around on Kickstarter, “a new way to fund and follow creativity.” It’s a great idea and there are some really cool projects looking for funding.

:: Taking training walks with Sam. One of the things I am doing to work with Sam’s “issues,” as well as to bond with him and build my confidence, is to take short “Do you see that?” walks. The goal is to train him another way of noticing what he sees on a walk. So, instead of getting up on his hind legs, lunging, barking, yodeling, and slobbering like a crazy Cujo dog, I say “Do you see that?” and he looks at it, then at me and gives me a calming signal (for him, that’s usually licking his lips). I give him a click and a treat as a reward. His default seems to also include sitting in front of me, just to make sure I see that he’s doing what I asked for, doing what will get him the good stuff.

Other than my thumb being sore from feeding him treats (he’s got the mouth of a crocodile when he’s anxious or excited, something else we are working on), I feel pretty good about the work we did today. During our short, 20 minute walk, there were four sets of people and dogs (one off-lead), three cows, three bikes, two runners, and Walking Dude, and Sam figured out pretty quick what he should be doing. Thanks again to Sarah Stremming of Cognitive Canine for all her support and help, (and patience, considering she first suggested this training more than a year ago, and I got lazy).
:: Ani DiFranco at the Aggie Theater. Last time, my friend and I had to drive to Boulder. This time, we could practically walk to the show.


:: Anne Lamott, and more specifically, her “B+ is Just Fine” commencement address. Anne Lamott is right up there for me with Pema Chödrön as a woman who is older and wiser and loving and funny and can always make me feel simultaneously okay just as I am and inspired to be better, to both relax and get off my ass.

:: Making or taking vows. I wrote about his yesterday, but the more I think about it, the more I believe that it’s an important exercise. My most recent vows were easy–already written for me, clearly and lovingly explained by Shastri Dan Hessey, with the ceremony planned and hosted at my local Shambhala Center. As part of the process, we wrote aspirations before each vow. We made lists of what habitual patterns we wanted to purify and dissolve, what characteristics and qualities we wanted to cultivate, and how we would embody and manifest these vows we were taking.

And I’ve been thinking, it’s a good thing to do, no matter who you are or what your beliefs or practices. Write out your vows–how you want your life to look, what you want to be and do, what you pledge and promise. Maybe it’s simply a vow to yourself, or maybe a vow about how you intend to live your life–kind of like New Year’s Resolutions, but more serious, more sacred. And if you are honest, no nonsense, it can be a powerful statement of how you plan to proceed, how you will move through your life, and what you hope to manifest. You can make your own private ceremony and read your vows. If you have someone you trust, you can ask them to be there as a witness. I believe it is a powerful, profound practice, and you might consider doing it for yourself.

:: Cute baby owl, just because.