Category Archives: Open Heart Project

Gratitude Friday

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mcmurrypondsgold021. Fall weather, sunny and cool. The light is amazing and everything is tinged gold. Wool socks, soup, and flannel are all finally appropriate choices.

2. Communicating with Sam. I don’t know if we are closer because Dexter is gone or if I’m paying closer attention for some other reason, or both, but Sam understands and can communicate so much more than I realized. Although, when he stands in front of the TV, whining and talking to the various animals he sees, I don’t know if he’s the smartest dog we’ve ever had or the dumbest.

hikingsam3. Clarifying my new CSU project, being happy enough with it to think that maybe I’ll be at that job longer than I used to think, that I can make it fit with the bigger sense of my life and work.

4. Where we walk. I realized yesterday, as I was Instagramming pictures of the fall colors and naming the locations on our morning walk, that we go through three parks and four natural areas on our route, that we simply open the front door and go, get to visit all these beautiful places. One thing I didn’t get a picture of yesterday was the three white-tailed deer we startled in the fog, who ran from us, leaping, tails raised high, like giant bunnies.

one of four

one of four

5. Open Heart Project. This evening, we will start our second annual virtual retreat. Susan schedules time for creating and resting, along with meditation and dharma talks and discussion. I can’t wait.

Bonus Joy: Eric. Two specific things this week made me stop and think how incredibly grateful I am for him. One is I’m reading a book Brene’ Brown recommended, Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up, and it’s making me realize how good we have it, because so many of the issues the book works with are things we just don’t struggle with, or that we worked out already — not to say we are perfect by any means. The other was I noticed he’d recaulked the bathtub while I was away at my retreat. He’s always doing stuff like that, taking care of things, and not bothering to brag on himself for it, like I probably would. In just a few short weeks, we will have been married for 20 years. Partnering with him was the smartest thing I ever did.

weddingus

yep, we eloped and wore green

Wishcasting Wednesday

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from Jamie's post

image from Jamie’s post

This week Jamie asks, “What sign from the Universe do you wish for?” I’ve thought about this, contemplated it all morning and into the afternoon. It’s harder to answer than it might have been even just a few months ago. Is it because I don’t feel particularly confused? Is it because I don’t have any big decisions facing me? Or is it because I am in communication with the Universe, feel like it’s sending me messages and signs all the time?

The dance between confusion and clarity was the theme of my morning practice on this particular day, before I even saw the wishcast prompt. World Domination Summit (WDS) tickets went on sale this morning and I knew I’d be feeling the tug, the “I want one! I want to go! Should I go?,” especially when I started to see all the cool kids posting that they’d purchased theirs.

But I already knew I wasn’t going, had decided, got clear about that a long time ago, and no good would come of trying to force it to fit, from pushing myself to make it work. And yet, this morning I looked up the date for the July intensive weekend for my upcoming yoga teacher training, silently wishing it fell on the exact same weekend, giving me a clear sign that I was meant for other things, that my path was going another direction. I checked, and WDS is the weekend just before that intensive, the weekend we’ll be driving back to Colorado from “our” beach house in Oregon. That was close enough for me. I had wanted a sign in blinking neon, confetti and balloons and a big “ta-da!” but the message was clear even without — “not this, THAT.”

I knew before I looked that Jamie’s prompt would somehow be related to that choice. I have this sense of things recently, a deep knowing and complete trust that I am being guided, helped, supported. Things happen all the time that feel like I have a built in GPS, a guidance system always pointing me towards the truth. Before I meditated or did my writing practice, I pulled a card from my tarot deck, like I’ve been doing each morning. It was the 5 of Wands,

Scattered, Lack of Focus, Lost…a card of conflict. You may find yourself scattered, distracted, tending to everything and nothing. Since wands deal with our dreams & goals, it usually means this conflict resides within. Your energy moves outward in many directions, yet you are suffering inside. Take this card as a warning: find ways to bring calm and focus to your mind or these troubles will only increase.

This weekend is the second annual Open Heart Project virtual retreat. Susan has scheduled in, as she does, time for creativity and for rest, relaxation, along with meditation and dharma talks. I had started negotiating with myself this morning, that blogging would count as creativity, or that I could skip resting to get done what needed done, that I didn’t need to do the full retreat, but then I pulled the 5 of Wands and it was clear to me that I needed to commit, that not doing so wasn’t even an option. I had received a warning directly from the Universe that I needed to “find ways to bring calm and focus” to my mind, or else.

So it isn’t so much “What sign from the Universe do you wish for?,” not wishing but rather pure gratitude that I’m feeling towards the Universe today, so thankful to be helped, to be given the gentlest of nudges in the right direction, the most compassionate reminders. And yet if I could wish for one sign, I would wish that for the fourth time, the Universe make sure the right dog finds us, that when we finally start looking for real, are ready, that the Universe make it clear which one is for us, which one needs us as much as we need him (even if it’s a her).

And P.S. Dear Universe, please make this one a cuddler, full of joy like Dexter was and full of love like Obi was, and one that will adore Sam as much as we do.