1. Ringo Blue. It’s his ninth birthday today. He and I have a deal that he’ll stick around for at least another four years, (and that still wouldn’t be enough). He is all the way recovered from being sick and it’s such a relief to see him happily being himself, even (or especially?) when he’s being a jerk.

2. Birthday love. My 55th birthday was yesterday. It’s so nice to be reminded in one big wave of all the people who love me, even though they are all really good at letting me know all the time.

3. Practice, which this week included making art with Janice, meditating with bilateral sound tracks, and Wild Writing with my Friday morning writing sangha led by Laurie.

4. Morning walks. We had a snow storm and frigid temperatures roll in towards the end of the week, so I didn’t get as many pictures — we walked early in the dark so we could beat the storm one morning, and the next morning it was only 7 degrees with fresh snow on the ground.

5. My tiny family, tiny house, tiny life. Eric doesn’t have to work next week because his campus is on fall break. I just remembered that this morning after we got back from the gym, (weekends are my favorite because it means hydromassage chair, hop around in the pool for a bit, then sit in the sauna). He is my absolute favorite person. He and Ringo are out napping on the couch together right now and that makes me so happy. Ringo is so cuddly when it gets cold, makes himself a pile out of blankets and pillows and it’s so cute!

Bonus joy: the cake Eric made me, birds at the feeder, white chrysanthemums — especially the fat full ones with spiky edges like you see in Japanese art and that are wrapped in plastic netting at the grocery store to protect the petals, my general practitioner — her skill and kindness and sense of humor, books, new music, the fancy headphones I got Eric for Christmas that he doesn’t really use so now I do, gingerbread muffins, vaccines, clean sheets, true crime, listening to podcasts, that corner of the couch, twinkle lights, texting with my neighbor, texting with Chloe’ and Chris, YouTube, a new blank notebook, my HappyLight, the sound of the furnace, snow, raspberries, bananas, toast, marionberry jam from Auntie T, the sound of Hendrix in the background during our Wild Writing and what Laurie said about that and how Chloe’ smiled, other people’s dogs — in particular Diego who we see at the cement ponds, all the great places we have to walk so close to our house, being able to use the internet and apps for things I used to have to use the phone or my whole person out in public to accomplish, the pool, prescription glasses, Dana from Scotland who I make talk extra by peppering her with questions because she’s so friendly but I also love her accent, the front desk staff at the gym, training with Shelby and the gang, snow tires, good toothpaste, peanut sauce, the Vietnamese spring rolls from Chili House, being retired, canceled plans, good TV, graphic novels, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.

1. Ringo. I’m just so grateful he’s recovering, has his spunk back. This morning I was listening to a meditation that used bilateral sound (a technique for nervous system regulation), which means you need to use headphones. I was sitting with my eyes closed when I felt warm breath on my face and then got a kiss on my chin — Ringo had come in to check on me. It’s the tiniest of moments that make all the hard ones bearable. It’s a sort of math that makes absolutely no sense, and I’m so grateful for it.

2. Feeding myself. I’m not as good at this as I’d like to be, especially early in the day, anything before lunchtime really. If you somehow missed it, I had two or three active eating disorders that started when I was about 14 years old and that I finally started therapy for about nine years ago, (yes, that’s about 40 years of disordered eating). I’m not sure I’ll ever be truly “recovered” but with a lot of therapy, support, and practice, I’m learning how to take better care of myself.

2. Morning walks, even the ones that happen in the afternoon. Most of the gold is gone now, but it’s still gorgeous out there.

4. Practice. Meditation in particular recently has been such a help, keeping me grounded and here.

5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. It doesn’t matter what else happens, as long as I have this. 

Bonus joy: the three hour nap I took yesterday which I obviously really needed, Wild Writing with Laurie and my Friday morning writing sangha, making art with Janice, texting with Chloe’, sunshine on a cold day, Eric and Ringo lounging in the backyard or on the couch together, hormone replacement therapy, anti-anxiety meds, vaccines, having easily accessible videos of my dogs who aren’t here anymore, being able to finally send Chloe’ cute videos and memes with kids and the reason why — the sweetest little boy, other people’s dogs, the barista at the Starbucks inside the grocery store, extreme discounts on Halloween candy, birds in the feeder (although apparently someone pooped inside it this week), other people getting therapy, spices — the smells and tastes, new music from some of my favorite artists, good TV, watching Diners Drive -ins and Dives with Eric, really yummy salads, honey roasted peanuts, the heater for the pool at the gym getting fixed, sitting in the sauna with Eric, texting with Chris and Mom, the hum of our furnace, being retired in that I never have to leave the house unless I WANT to, being able to email or text or use an app for all the things that used to be done on the phone or in person, stretching, a warm shower, the way Ringo makes himself a nest of blankets and pillows on the couch, having hair that doesn’t need constantly cut or styled or fussed with, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.