Author Archives: jillsalahub

Unknown's avatar

About jillsalahub

Writer & Contemplative Practice Guide holding space for people cultivating a foundation of a stable mind, embodied compassion and wisdom. CYT 500

#reverb13: Day 11

6 Replies

reverb13Project Reverb prompt: “FAIL | What just didn’t work out this year? Is that okay with you? Or are you going to try, try again?”

Taking on too much. All you’d have to do is walk into my office at home right now and you’d be able to see it, the chaos and the overwhelm. It doesn’t work out, but I keep doing it. I posted on Facebook yesterday that “I’m feeling like the Jenga tower must feel at that moment when no matter what piece the next player pulls, the whole thing is going to come down.”

I continue to aspire to pare down, lower the bar, simplify, but saying “no” to really good stuff is hard. Right now I am in an Intuitive Eating book group, getting daily emails from four holiday programs (all intended to bring calm, ease to the season), taking part in all three Reverbs, and I took on an extra three people to buy gifts for. Oh yeah, and I have a full time job.

I also failed taking care of my body this year. I haven’t fed it what it wanted, when it wanted. I haven’t given it the rest it needs but rather pushed it past its limits. I haven’t let it move the way it wants to. I was talking with my trainer yesterday, and clarified something for myself by saying it out loud to him — My body actually wants 2-3 hours of intentional movement a day. I’m one of those people who actually loves exercise, getting out and moving around. Even on a rest day, my body at least wants a walk. And yet, because I am so busy and tired, I can’t give it this. I push and then I struggle.

It all boils down to this: I haven’t been honoring my hunger or fullness, in any aspect of my life.

Reverb13 prompt: “What challenges lie ahead in 2014? How might you meet them boldly?”

The challenges that I’m aware of: Yoga teacher training, an ebook about self-compassion, a new (to us) dog, spending money more mindfully, resisting ecourses and new books, new responsibilities at CSU, continuing to practice intuitive eating, working with anxiety that keeps showing up, a crisis of confidence and an awareness that love is never safe.

How to meet them boldly? Show up, keep my heart open, be present, pace myself, soothe and comfort myself when I feel overwhelmed, practice self-compassion, honor my hunger and my fullness in all areas of my life.

Besottment Prompt: “10 things you were thankful for in 2013?”

Besides the 5-6 things I’ve listed each week in my Gratitude Friday lists,

  1. Eric — how could I do it, any of it, without him?
  2. Sam — he’s helped me through my grief twice now.
  3. Dexter’s easy death, the extra time we had with him.
  4. Friendship, love and connection, support and guidance.
  5. Self-compassion, for all those who’ve taught me and for the chance to practice.
  6. Kind and gentle readers.
  7. Intuitive eating.
  8. Smart phones — I was skeptical, but now I can’t imagine not having it.
  9. Financial stability, in a time when it seems so many are struggling.
  10. All the good things, all the amazing people and the brilliant stuff they create and do. I make a list every Monday and am always gobsmacked.

#reverb13: Day Ten

2 Replies

reverb13Reberb13 prompt: “Living life on auto-pilot can feel disorienting and dull. How did you cultivate a life worth loving during 2013? How can you turn off your auto-pilot button in 2014?”

I aspire to be awake and present as often as possible. However, there were ways this past year in which I was clearly disconnected, specifically from my body, and thus from the present moment. Yoga helps me to stay grounded in my body, attached to my breath. It reinforces a sense of “I’m here, right here in this body, in this moment, breathing in and out.” I feel present, and free without feeling unhinged — connected and grounded, free but in my body on the earth. Nia and walking my dogs does this too, and meditation. Intuitive eating also keeps me connected but free.

Project Reverb prompt: “Inspiration | What inspired you this year?  How do you think this will impact the year to come?”

Yesterday, I talked about “who” inspired me, today it’s “what.” I was inspired by projects like Kid President and Why We Rescue, along with creative practices, making something simply for the joy of making it. And music, poetry, and story always inspire me, people like Mary Lambert, Maya Stein, and Anne Lamott showing up and telling the truth, making a brilliant mess.

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt: “Was there anything you were feeling nostalgic for in 2013? Anything that you were feeling nostalgic for? Something you were yearning for from your past? A memory that wouldn’t leave you, or tradition that you wish you could continue?”

I almost always feel nostalgia for time at the beach, summers in Oregon, dinners at The Farm, but the thing I thought of this morning that had me in tears, which means it’s the real deal, is that I am nostalgic for a time before I was so aware of what can go wrong, the depth of loss and grief, a naive time when I thought love was safe.