Day One Prompt: Through the window. I haven’t been a regular coffee drinker for at least five years, maybe longer. I’ve gone on and off it many times over the years, always quitting because I dislike being addicted to the caffeine. Eric is always sending me articles about the health benefits, telling me I should start again. On Saturday, I saw yet another article, this time about the benefits of coffee and chocolate. Sunday morning I decided to start again, not committing to anything long term, just to try again and see how I feel. One thing I do know, there’s nothing like the high from that first cup.
Remember how on Sunday I started an experiment drinking coffee again? As predicted, as the caffeine hit, my brain was on fire, so many ideas, such clarity and energy. Later, my belly was burning and churning, and that night I slept terrible, both things I could trace back to my morning coffee. So on Monday I took a break. I was going to wait a few days to try again, but my yoga class got canceled this morning and the closer the 9:15 am aqua aerobics class got, the less I wanted to leave the house (introversion + hsp + complex ptsd + s.a.d. + burnout = mild agoraphobia). So I decided to stay home, try another cup of coffee, and see how the day goes.
P.S. to my earlier coffee post: I had not one but three eating disorders for 30+ years before I even realized it. Once I did, I went to therapy, read a lot on the subject, and worked with Rachel Cole. This morning as I was meditating I realized a shadow reason for why I decided to try drinking coffee again. My EDs hope the coffee will act as an appetite suppressant, that I’ll eat less and lose some weight. I’m better than I used to be, but “recovered” isn’t a goal I have or something I’ll ever be. That’s okay. My EDs are a coping mechanism I developed to calm myself, process the chaos, control my experience, and keep myself safe. They are a part of me. I don’t need them to go away to be healing and well.
For the month of December, I’m taking part in December Reflections, hosted by Susannah Conway. I’m posting daily on Instagram, but when those posts turn into something “more” (like this one did), I’ll share here too.
7. Here’s What Each Introverted Myers-Briggs Type Really Wants In Life. This is scarily accurate for me: “Because what an INFJ really wants in life is for their ideas to matter. They want to make a difference [in the lives of individual people], but they want it to change how things work — the cause, not just the symptom.”
8. The Oracle of Black Friday, a recent newsletter from Meghan Genge in which she includes this awesome set of contemplations:
Answer these questions before you buy anything:
What – beyond the obvious – does this thing promise me?
What does that mean I actually want more of in my own life?
What do I feel when I think about owning this/ having this/ embodying this?
So what does that mean I want to feel more of in my life?
What can I do right now to help create more of what I want to feel/ have more of in my life?
9. Buddhism by the Numbers from Lion’s Roar. “Buddhism is full of lists and numbers. Find explanations of some of the most important of these, how they connect, and why they’re important.” I love this SO much.
11. The Art of Activism: Hard Conversations Book Club 2020. It only costs $5 and if you go to the sign up page, you get the reading list for free. “I am going into my 17th year of running book clubs about diversity and inclusion issues, including the Hard Conversations Book Club which meets monthly by teleconference. I would love to have you join us for the New Year. It’s only $5 a year to join and you will be challenged by the books chosen for the year in ways you might not have imagined yet. Reading in community deepens everyone’s understanding.”
15. Witness in Hard Rock Hotel Collapse Is Deported on The New York Times. “A construction worker who became a witness in a federal safety investigation into lapses at the New Orleans construction site was deported to his native Honduras.”
29. Beware of the feel-good news story. “Begging for sick days and walking 20 miles to work are not tales of inspiration. They are societal failures.”
30. The 1619 Project to Become Multi-Book Series. “The extensive project that marked the arrival of the first enslaved Africans in Virginia will be expanded into several books, including a graphic novel.”
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 