February | 2017 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

Image by Eric

1. Eric made it home safe, after being in Arizona for three days. And luckily, my knee held up doing all the dog walking while he was gone, and the dogs were so good for me.

2. Good food. This week it’s been split pea soup in my favorite dog mug and bran muffins with raspberries and dried strawberries.

3. Flowers in the bathroom, extra special ones because Eric was going to be gone.

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4. My surgery going well. I know, you might be saying to yourself, “what surgery?!” and you wouldn’t be wrong — I haven’t said anything about it here. It’s not the type of surgery you really want to talk about, to anyone, ever, and I was really nervous about it because it’s the first time I’ve gone under anesthesia. Now that it’s over and I’m at home recovering, and that seems to be going okay, even though I’m tired and sore and sometimes feeling a bit sorry for myself, I am so grateful — especially for health insurance and paid sick leave, and two awesome interns that can take care of things while I’m gone.

5. My tiny family. The dogs have been being really good, keeping me company and not needing too much, and Eric’s been taking really good care of me, feeding me good food and taking care of everything so I can rest.

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Bonus joy: Oranges, sour cherry juice, clean water, hot water, soaking in the tub, good tv, clean sheets, staying in my pjs all day, good books, effective pain medication, friends who text me to see how I’m doing, emails from my mom, knowing that I don’t have to be responsible for anything right now and no schedule applies to me, naps with the dogs.

Image by Kevin Lee on Unsplash

1. Truth: I’ve been reading a lot lately. Because of a bad habit I picked up in graduate school, where I was required to read multiple books simultaneously, I’m currently reading: And Still I Rise: Black America Since MLK by Henry L. Gates and Kevin M. Burke, Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi, Notes of a Native Son by James Baldwin, Anything We Love Can Be Saved by Alice Walker, Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay, and I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. (Do you see a theme in that list?)

2. Truth: Reading for me is essential. It’s one of the foundational ways that I learn. Because I’m an introvert and a highly sensitive person, it’s the best way for me to encounter new information, especially if it’s going to make me uncomfortable or confused. I need that space alone, just me and the book, (and of course, somewhere in there the author). Sometimes I think I’m a writer because I’m fundamentally, first and foremost, a reader, love books SO much that the only thing that seems worth doing, the only thing I want to do besides read them is give others something to read.

3. Truth: What we need right now are those with the courage to tell the truth. The ones who will keep showing up, no matter what. Those who will continue to resist, persist. In Notes of a Native Son, James Baldwin says, “From this void–ourselves–it is the function of society to protect us; but it is only this void, our unknown selves, demanding, forever, a new act of creation, which can save us–‘from the evil that is in the world.'” I think of those right now who are willing to risk going against society, who brave going into the void that is their own open heart — poets, water protectors, protestors, journalists, comedians (SNL, anyone?), teachers, librarians, park rangers, scientists, etc. It’s becoming clearer and clearer that these are the ones who will save us, or die trying.

One wish: “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” May we persist, nevertheless.