1. Truth: Yesterday I went on a six mile hike at Mount Margaret, up by Red Feather Lakes, a place that just so happens to be one of my most favorite on the planet. Those of you who have been following the saga of my injured foot and everything I’ve been doing to get back “up to speed,” to heal, know what a big deal this is — I hiked SIX miles, with Eric and my dogs.
2. Truth: I have a difficult time giving myself credit. It doesn’t seem to matter how hard I work, how much I get done, how much effort I give, I’m not satisfied, don’t feel like it’s enough. Like today, I meditated, wrote, did five loads of laundry, went out to breakfast with a few friends, and to physical therapy, and instead of seeing all I’ve accomplished, I fixate on the time I spent on the couch watching a movie with a heating pad on my leg (physical therapy helps, but it also hurts) and beat myself up for not going on the afternoon walk with the dogs. Right now, I’m giving myself a hard time for not drinking enough water today. I’m not as much of a bully with myself as I used to be, but I’m certainly not my best friend.
3. Truth: Vacation is complicated. It takes lot of effort to allow myself a true break, real time off and recreation, to let go of the responsibility, to allow myself to exist without having to earn it. Even during the rest of the year when I’m working, I struggle with allowing myself rest or joy or pleasure. And if I lean that direction, I don’t fully experience it, I hold back just a little, can’t sink into in completely without some guilt.
One wish: May we allow ourselves to be, as we are. May we be with whatever is and not abandon ourselves. May we cultivate a sense of friendship with ourselves. May we know that we don’t have to earn the right to be here, that we can want what we want, and even have what we want. May we know in our bones that we are allowed rest, joy, pleasure, and love.
Six miles!!!!! Holy cow girlfriend, that’s amazing!! (not sure I could even do 6 feet at the moment!) Especially after all you’ve been through with your poor foot. I’m impressed and if you won’t give yourself pats on the back, then I will! Big congratulations sweet Jill! As for the rest of what you wrote, I’m only recently letting myself off the hook (sometimes) for not being the person I think I SHOULD be. And I’m 71 – you’re starting early. You will get there – promise! ❤
Jill, I relate so much to what you write about doing too much, feeling like it’s not enough, being challenged by the notion of truly relaxing/vacationing. I am also a Yoga teacher and I frequently laugh at ( with?) myself as I notice how much I need to learn what I teach. You too?
Keep writing about it all and sharing it. You are helping more of us than you can know. Give yourself credit for that! Heck, you inspired me to start a blog!
I know what you mean, Melinda — I always wonder if my students realize that most of what I teach, I do because it’s what I’m struggling with, what I need to learn. ❤