Monthly Archives: September 2013

Gratitude Friday

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sanfranbridge051. Spit & Polish. I am only beginning to process the wonder of this workshop, this retreat. I was writing this morning in my journal, listing all the specific things I was grateful for about this past weekend, and I filled two pages. The short version is two supremely wise and kind teachers, a magic location, a group of willing and creative participants, and amazing support staff which included a sweet dog with tiger stripes, a gray muzzle, and ears that stood up only sometimes.

2. 27 Powers Court. As I said, this location is magic. It reminded me of when I finally took my meditation practice seriously enough to create a shrine. I knew that it would enhance my practice, but what surprised me is how that sacred space came with me when I left my meditation cushion, that I carried it with me, took it out into the world, a warm glow in the center of my chest that hummed with energy. 27 Powers Court is like that.

3. Eric, a partner who supports me going even though he hates me being gone, takes care of things at home and where I am, supporting me the whole time I’m away by doing things like telling me not to worry about the parking ticket I got or being fully present and comforting while I tell the story, through tears, of the shame and fear I felt when I thought I’d gotten on the wrong ferry and the workers treated me like I was drunk and the people in the cabin laughed at me, how he made me feel like it was okay in a moment when I just wanted to come home, how he encourages me to go after my dreams.

4. Fall, soup and biscuits for dinner, socks, being cold.

fallfood5. Milder weather in Colorado, less rain, flood waters starting to recede. It’s going to be a long recovery and there’s so much damage, to landscape and roads, to homes and hearts, but the rain has stopped, this storm has passed.

Bonus Joy: Getting to spend time with friends in California, some that I’d never met in person before, even though I already loved them.

Wishcasting Wednesday (on Thursday)

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Change

image from Jamie’s post

I spent all day yesterday resisting Jamie’s wishcasting prompt: What do you wish to change? Change = to make or become different. It’s a risky, slippery concept for me, can quickly take me from good intention to judgement and criticism, to focusing on everything that’s wrong, practicing rejection and denial rather than working with what is from a place of curiosity and openness, understanding and acceptance.

For example, if I say I wish to change how I care for and relate to my body, it’s not long before I’m making a list of rules, shoulds, and restrictions, which leads to self-loathing, beating myself up, regret and depression, focusing on all the ways I’ve let myself down, rejecting the body I have now, denying it love and acceptance because it’s not good enough, because I want it to be different, because I wish to change it.

Wishing for change is also risky for me because it can so easily shift my focus to the future, pull me out of the present moment into planning and strategizing, doing, doing, pushing and pulling. In this state, there is no ease, no rest, no balance, no kindness.

Of course, I wish for change in all sorts of ways, specifically in the ways that the current state of things might be causing suffering. Alexandra Franzen always says she wants to leave the world a better place than she found it, to leave the people she encounters better than she found them, so I suppose this is a good, simple way to frame this wish: I wish to change things for the better, and in so doing may I release my agenda, avoid judgement and attachment, and ease suffering, in myself and in the world.