Monthly Archives: December 2011

Day of Rest

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Dexter and I are at home, resting, while Eric is at Lory State Park hiking and running with Sam. Last night, when we came home from dinner out, Dexter was limping again.  In the last three months, he’s cracked a toenail and spent a few days limping, three different times. His toenails aren’t to blame this time. Instead, he did too much and strained his paw.

Dexter on Arthur's Rock, Lory State Park

On Friday, Eric took both dogs to Lory State Park and they ran/hiked up to the Towers, a ten mile trail, half of which is really steep. Dex was fine yesterday morning (and the hike isn’t out of the ordinary for him), but then we found four tennis balls in the little dog park, and even though we’ve had to cut down on Dexter’s fetch time in the last year because he ends up hurt, it’s so hard to say no when it makes him so happy, so after the hike, the tennis balls, and two walks yesterday, it was just a little too much. It’s so sad, because he wants to keep going, do everything he’s always done, but he’s reached an age that we sometimes have to step in and force a time out. When we got up this morning, he wasn’t limping anymore, and really wanted to go with Eric and Sam, but we thought it best that he stay home and rest. Even healthy, almost young, working breed dogs need a day of rest from time to time.

Which has me thinking again how important it is for me to cultivate time for rest. I’ve been thinking about adding another regular feature to the blog, so starting today, Sundays on A Thousand Shades of Gray will be “Day of Rest.” I’m going to try again to cultivate and keep a sabbath day in my life, a day of prayer and rest. On these days I’d like to offer you, kind and gentle readers, something that might help you in that same pursuit.

image by Kevin J. Charles

Today, it’s “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.” There are so many items on this list that resonated with me. For example, #1 is “Stop spending time with the wrong people,” which I have been working on this year. The explanation says, in part, “Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.” There were many others on this list that had me tearing up, nodding my head, and whispering “yes, that too.”

On a day of rest, pick just one item from this list that particularly resonates with you. Contemplate it, consider what it means to stop doing this one thing, reflect on where in your life you could apply it, meditate for even just a few minutes on how your life might change if you were to actually stop–then let go of it and simply rest.

Mantras, prayers for this day of rest:

  • You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect…You already have everything you need to be happy, right here and right now, (read “you’re already perfect” by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net).
  • “You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha, (read “How to Love Your Authentic Self” by Lori Deschene of Tiny Buddha).

On this day of rest,

May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you awaken to the light of your true nature.
May you be free.

Message from the Universe

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I first heard the idea of picking a word for the year in a Twitter post from Daniel Collinsworth, open-hearted and brave author of the blog Metta Drum, in which he said “I have chosen a life theme for 2012. I will talk about it in my final blog post of 2011, near the end of this month. Do you have one too?”

I thought about it, and posted this response, (tl;dr: my word is retreat). Then Hannah Marcotti, the sparkly, joyful, magical author of Hannah’s Harvest posted about her word. She explains that this practice, selecting a guiding word, “replaces the resolutions, goals, plans. A guiding word is what you look to when you feel lost, uncertain how to move forward. A guiding word puts action into your world, it lights the fire under your purpose. A guiding word is a gift to yourself for the New Year.”

photo by dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

And since I picked my word, I have been getting messages from the Universe that this is good, this is the right word. First was my “Heart Advice: Quote of the Week” email from Pema Chödrön, (not directly from her, but rather a teaching selected from one of her books published by Shambhala Publications–you can subscribe to the email here), “Not Too Loose, Not Too Tight.” This is one of my favorite teachings from Pema, one that I need to hear over and over.  Here’s the exact quote:

My middle way and your middle way are not the same middle way. For instance, my style is to be casual and soft-edged and laid-back. For me to do what usually would be called a strict practice is still pretty relaxed, because I do it in a relaxed way. So strict practice is good for me. But perhaps you are much more militant and precise. Maybe you tend toward being tight, so you might need to find out what it means to practice in a relaxed, loose way. Everyone practices in order to find out for him- or herself personally how to be balanced, how to be not too tight and not too loose. No one else can tell you. You just have to find out for yourself.

I’ll repeat that last bit, for me as much as for anyone else reading: “Everyone practices in order to find out for him- or herself personally how to be balanced, how to be not too tight and not too loose. No one else can tell you. You just have to find out for yourself.” This is at the heart of why I picked the word retreat.

I push to get more done, make improvements, keep working, harder, faster, better–but this is too tight. I burn out from this way of being, and I slip into sickness, exhaustion, numbness, and depression–and this is too loose. I need to learn what balance is, where the middle way is for me. I need to stop using other people’s measures, external criteria for what is enough, for who I should be and what I should do.  I need to stop looking outside myself for validation, acceptance, permission, and love. I need to get still and quiet, practice and pray and meditate and listen, learn to love myself, to be content.

And then on zenhabits.net, Leo Babauta posted “Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge.” The link came to me just as I was caught up in all the end of year reviews and goal setting ideas I was seeing online, printing out and bookmarking, planning to add more to an already over-scheduled, overdone, overwrought list of must do, should do, have to–caught up in trying to improve myself.

This post felt like Leo had written it just for me, was speaking directly to me, and it had all the power of the Universe behind it. Leo asks, what if instead of constantly trying to improve ourselves, we “learned to be happy with ourselves?”

Would that be horrible, if we were just content and didn’t need to better ourselves every minute of every week? Would we be lazy slobs, or would we instead be happy, and in being happy do things that make us happy rather than make us better? And in being happy, perhaps we would show others how to be happy? And crazy as it might sound, maybe we’d start a little mini-revolution of happiness, so that people wouldn’t feel so inadequate, or need to spend every dime on products, or spend all their time on self-improvement.

A revolution of contentment.

Leo goes on to say, “Realize that you are already perfect. You are there. You can breathe a sigh of relief.”

For so long, I tried to skip ahead, jump past or ignore my self-hate, tried to find and do my “great work” in spite of it.  I really thought this would work. But as long as I don’t value and love myself, I cannot generate anything of great value or love. As long as I smash myself to bits, obsess about food and use it to numb out and cover up the pain, there is no clear path for the wisdom, no kindness. It’s like a dancer living in a house with a hoarder–no clear path, no space, no air, no room, and a real chance that if she tries to dance, someone will get hurt.

And finally, working with questions from “The Comfort Queen’s Guide to Life” by Jennifer Louden, considering the difference between pleasure (a short term fix) and happiness (something true and lasting), I uncover the conflicts in my life. For example: pleasure is eating food, but happiness is being healthy, and pleasure is being loved, known, and adored, but happiness is loving, knowing, and adoring myself.

These are the things I need to work on, figure out, sit with, love, accept, and let go. I’ve tried to short cut the process, tried to live the life while leaving myself behind. This is why retreat–repair, rest, rehab, reflection–is my word for the next year. 2012: the end of the world as I know it.