Beginning, Part Two

So, where were we? Oh yeah…

…a friend of mine and I did our own mini book club with Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

I had just seen Brene’ Brown’s TED Talk, “The power of vulnerability” and was so stunned and amazed by some of the things she said (for example, “you can’t selectively numb your feelings”) that I immediately went in search of her latest book.  The description made the little bird in my chest flutter, let out a little chirp.  I knew immediately that my friend and I needed to read this book.  We’d been getting together informally for months to talk about this exact issue.  I emailed her and told her we needed to read this book.

So, over the summer, we read and we met and we talked and we cried and we laughed.  We started to actively work on some issues we were having, supporting and encouraging each other along the way.  This book, among other things, made me realize that I had been in a long-term abusive relationship–with myself.

That might sound weird to those of you who are masters of self-care and loving kindness, who already love yourself.  However, for me, it was a complete breakthrough/breakdown.

I rarely make New Year’s Resolutions, but just this year I made one: to be a better friend to myself. That nagging feeling I’d had that I could have any thing I wanted if only I would let myself had a much deeper truth: I hated myself.  I had been bullying and abusing myself for years.  I knew that I didn’t take care of myself very well and wasn’t that nice to myself, but I had no idea how serious a problem it was until I read this book.

Thank goodness I wasn’t doing it alone.  I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t have someone to immediately talk to about it, someone who completely understood and didn’t make me feel like a freak.

One of the issues she and I worked on together was our writer’s block.  We were both stuck, and needed help.  The process of reading and working with the book opened up a new option for me.  I can’t even quite explain it yet, but there was some “well, why not now?” thing that happened.

It was kind of like I lost my mind a little.  I was set to teach a Writing for the Web class at Colorado State University, a class I’ve taught many times before, but this time was different.  I had an idea about how I might approach the process, encouraging my students to first start by identifying their passion, their purpose in life.  I told the Universe as I put together the course: “if you want me to really do this, and you know what I mean, you have to help, and make it totally obvious and clear–pretend I am dumb.”

And holy cow did the Universe keep up her end of the deal!  So much synchronicity was happening as I worked on the class and for the first few weeks I was teaching. Some of the articles and blogs I had my students read led directly to revelations and plans in my own life.  I feel a little guilty, because I am getting so much out of this class that it’s starting to seem like it’s my own little moment in time and they are just along for the ride.

One thing I did (leap of faith!) was buy a ticket to the World Domination Summit.  Some of my favorite bloggers and writers were there last year, and even though it was a lot of money, I just did it.  Then I saw that Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen were going to be there again this year.  So, I took another leap and signed up for their Mondo Beyondo class that just started on Monday.

Then, I saw that on Brene’ Brown’s blog, Ordinary Courage, she’d done an interview with Andrea Scher.  Towards the end, Brene’ said that she was going to take Andrea’s next Superhero Photo class.  Holy cow! Are you kidding me?!  I could take another awesome class with Andrea, AND Brene’ would be in it with me?!

You know how when you see someone you really love and you squeal like a little girl and run towards them to hug them, and almost knock them down flat with the force of your joy?!

WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last week, I had my students set up blogs for a semester long blogging project they’ll be doing.  One girl raised her hand and said, “Can I just say how excited I am about this? I have been wanting to start a blog for the longest time, and ever since you said we were going to get to in this class, I’ve been so excited.”

Hey, me too…I think I’ll start a blog.  Why not?  And especially, why not now?!  And holy crackers, I have been blogging for the last three days straight!

  • Where are you stuck? What have you been longing to begin?
    Why not now? 

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