1. Truth: If you look long and close at just about anything, you will see how precious it is. In fact, I’ve heard various teachers suggest that love is nothing more than attention, that to give your full and focused attention to something or someone is how you love it. The Zen priest and poet John Tarrant Roshi said, “Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it we bless and are blessed.”

2. Truth: Today is my birthday. I’m 48 years old. I’m so grateful, so blessed by my life and so lucky to get to keep on living it, and yet I’m having a hard time understanding how that happened — how did I get to be 48 years old? How did all those years fly by so fast?

3. Truth: I’m curious what my 48th year will be like. I have some plans, could make some guesses about what might happen and how it will turn out, but in the end I have no idea, no way of knowing. For now, I’m keeping myself open to whatever might arise, practicing curiosity and patience.

One wish: That every year lived is welcomed with curiosity, remembered with gratitude, and spent giving attention to what is precious.

No turning back now

1. Truth: This bathroom remodel is both easier and harder than I thought it would be. I expected it to be a pain to not have anywhere to shower in my own house for an entire month, but I didn’t expect having people here every day smashing and banging and stomping around in their boots and slamming the front door and talking to themselves to be so stressful. Part of it is that our house is so small, there’s not really anywhere you can go to get away from it. I moved the dogs’ crates to the garage because that’s about as far away as you can get, but people have still been needing to get into the crawl space and the attic so they aren’t completely away from it. I’m working from home some of the time to be here for the dogs, to be sure they are okay, to answer questions about where to put outlets and such, and my office is right on the other side of the bathroom so it’s hard to get as much done. My CSU office seems more and more like an oasis, peaceful and calm and quiet.

2. Truth: I am hungry. There’s a health fair at CSU today where I can get a free flu shot and some bloodwork. When I signed up, I thought to myself “oh, I don’t drink coffee anymore so the fasting part won’t be a big deal and I won’t need to go in so early.” So I scheduled for 11 am. It was only later that I remembered fasting also meant no food. Here’s the kicker — because I get up at 5 am, typically by 11 am I’ve already eaten TWO meals. This is harder than I thought it would be.

3. Truth: I’m trying to be gentle with myself. As soon as I get my blood drawn, I’ll go get something to eat. Knowing that I won’t get as much done while this is going on, I can give myself a break, let myself off the hook. It’s okay that I don’t do so much right now, especially considering how much I normally do. Sure I have to go to the gym to shower every day, but while I’m there I can do some exercise knowing I don’t have to do so much because I’m going e v e r y day. I can take it easy, do what feels good, and then enjoy a hot shower. Who knows, maybe I could get used to this doing less and find a gentler pace at which to live my whole life, not just this month.

One wish: That whatever upset and disruption is occurring in our lives, we can relax with it and be gentle, giving ourselves the space and care we need.