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Three Truths and One Wish

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1. Truth: What you focus on will be your life. What you look for and what you love, you will find and receive. If you focus on how bad everything is, your life will be bad. If you hang out with people who do not honor your worth, you will experience worthlessness. If you spend your time smashing yourself to bits, you will experience yourself as broken and ruined. Whatever you invite will come and whatever you reject will go. You generate your own suffering, but you can also generate love. It’s your choice.

art by hugh macleod

According to Buddhist wisdom, we generate our own suffering, generate our own experience of reality. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to see how this can happen. Imagine someone giving you a dirty look or a disrespectful gesture or saying something nasty. How does that feel? Oftentimes, our response is to shoot anger and aggression back at the person. Even if we keep ourselves from acting out directly, we carry the irritation and bitterness with us, and that single bad moment or act can spin out into such a big deal, it ruins our whole day. We might find reasons to act out in negative ways ourselves, repeating that original person’s bad behavior, maybe even in situations where it isn’t warranted. Our boss is a jerk, we don’t say anything to him, but we go home and pick a fight with our spouse. Such negative energy generates suffering, even more so if we continue to feed it.

Now imagine someone smiling at you, giving you a compliment or a helping hand. How does that feel? When we feel seen, when we are given kindness, even or especially when we don’t deserve it, it can change your whole perspective. We feel connected and we begin to generate kindness, sharing it when we can. It’s like that poem from Hafiz:

How did the rose ever open its heart
and give to this world all of its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being,
otherwise we all remain too frightened.

“140 Ways to Change the World” is a good place to start, a list that will help you to generate “the encouragement of light” rather than more suffering. These are easy things you can do right now, no special equipment or training required.

2. Truth: Gratitude is a path to contentment, happiness, and joy. For a convincing argument in support of this truth, read Leo Babauta’s “Why Living a Life of Gratitude Can Make You Happy.” I am reminded of this truth every Monday morning when I do my “Something Good” post. It reminds me that when you focus on the good, there isn’t time or space for anything else, because there is so much to appreciate and love, so much good work to do. If you need a place to start, check out this list on Tiny Buddha, “60 Things to Be Grateful For In Life.”

3. Truth: If you want your life to change, change your attitude. This is, in truth, the one and only thing you can control, and therefore the only thing you can really change. It’s so simple, that it’s almost irritating: sometimes if you want to be happy, all you have to do is…well, be happy, (important note: I very clearly say “sometimes” here, because there are categories and levels of depression that require you to seek help–if you find yourself there, please ask for help). Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the Tibetan meditation master who founded Shambhala, used to say about working with strong emotions like aggression or depression, “You could always just cheer up.” He also says, in his book Sacred Path of the Warrior:

When you live your life in accordance with basic goodness, then you develop natural elegance. Your life can be spacious and relaxed, without having to be sloppy. You can actually let go of your depression and embarrassment about being a human being, and you can cheer up.

Some of my most favorite blog posts ever might be helpful to you in this case, a series that Jen Lemen wrote about “How to Be Happy,” the first one being “How to Be Happy Come Hell or Highwater.” Also read “How to Be Happy (Part Two),” “How to Be Happy (Part Three),” “How to Be Happy (Part Four),” and “How to Be Happy (Part Five).”

One Wish: I wish for all of us the change of heart, shift in perspective necessary to allow the love and light to flood in, to fill us so full that we spill over and light & love ripples and radiates out from us, sending that encouragement on to others, so they can fill and spill, and even more will be encouraged and lit up, and on and on and on.

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Three Truths and One Wish

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Truth: Being real is better than being perfect.

“I must learn to love the fool in me – the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” ~Theodore I. Rubin, M.D.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of trying to keep up, comparing and competing. And there really is nothing you can do that will make everyone love you, or even make some people love you most of the time. Approval and appreciation are fickle things, and even if you can get a person to tell you directly what it is they want from you, they might be confused and you most likely will get it wrong in the trying, and in the end neither one of you will be satisfied. This is all good news, because it means that you can give it all up, let go, and just:

art by egirldesign

Truth: You can start now.

There’s no reason to wait. You know what to do. Don’t waste anymore time beating yourself up about all the mistakes you’ve made and time you’ve wasted. Get out of your own way. Be where you are, embody what is real. Take a breath and look around, really look, see what you are seeing. Open your heart. “All the love that we are seeking is nowhere but here, tucked into this very moment,” (Julia Fehrenbacher from her Kind Over Matter guest post, “Peace is Right Here“).

Photo by Steven Depolo

Truth: You can create your life.

You can save yourself. You can accept and love yourself. You can create a life, rather than simply reacting to what happens, rather than denying or drowning in it. I don’t mean to say it will be easy, because most likely it won’t be.

Deep in the wintry parts of our minds, we are hardy stock and know there is no such thing as a work-free transformation. We know that we will have to burn to the ground in one way or another, and then sit right in the ashes of who we once thought we were and go on from there. ~Clarissa Pinkola Estés.

art my Dallas Clayton

One wish: that we all embody and manifest who we are.

Be who we really are, fully and utterly and completely love and accept ourselves, all the messy and stinky and beautiful bits. “Embrace your inner weird. This is the stuff that makes you interesting and gorgeous and exciting to be around. Get excited about the stuff you love. Wear whatever you want to wear. Ignore what everyone else is doing…be one of the gloriously happy weird ones,” Goddess Leonie.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.