I saw this quote from Alex Elle on Facebook this morning, “I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.” I had a two part reaction to it: a deep down yes, and resistance. I look at the last few years of my life and I know for sure that even though horrible, hard things have happened, it’s because of them that I am so strong, capable of coping with what comes. At the same time, I’m a little angry and worn down from all the work and the suffering, and I want to reject the “gift” that it’s been, what I’ve gained because of it. I just want to be happy. I just want things to be easy.

Reading about Cattle Dogs, trying to understand Ringo’s temperment a bit better, I keep seeing people say something like “they are so hard, so much work, but so worth it.” Again — deep down yes, and resistance. He is challenging me, a strong willed and sometimes pushy dog who is super smart. I need so much help to figure out how to best teach him, provide him with the structure and care he needs to become the dog I need. And yet, sometimes I think to myself “what have I done?” I told Eric the other day, “what keeps me from giving up entirely is I know this is the dog we are supposed to have.” Eric answered, “even if he isn’t, he’s the dog we do have so we can’t give up.”

I move towards gratitude, even joy, and definitely surrender. I trust the deep down yes. I am mindful of the resistance while not getting too attached, not letting it hook me. And today, I rest.