Tag Archives: Power

Full Sturgeon Moon Dreamboard

The Full Sturgeon Moon asks: What is your intuition telling you about your dreams?

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Shinning, glimmering, reflecting
just below the surface
in the waters of deep knowing
something comes alive.

Notice, be aware,
pay attention.
What truth is there?
What message?
What wants to be born?

The red of the root,
bottom of the spine,
unconscious,
fierce sleeping power.
The enemy of ignorance.

Greatest joy,
natural pleasure,
delight in controlling passion,
and blissfulness in concentration.

Hands held in the Gyan mudra,
waking up the root,
grounding the practice,
calm, concentrated —
the heart opens.

Follow your path into teaching,
in your life and in the world.

Easy, effortless,
where the heart is,
exhale powerful healing,
strength and balance.

You’ve read the books,
write the books.
Grab your boots,
your pen, and your mat.
Write the world,
blood and breath are your ink.

Full Buck Moon Dreamboard

Jamie isn’t hosting this month’s Full Moon Dreamboard, (she’s taking a break from blogging after losing her sweet mom), and I’m a couple of days late making mine. I almost skipped it. I’ve been feeling depressed this past week (missing my Dexter) and not wanting to do much of anything but lie on the couch, eat all kinds of wrong, sleep and watch tv and feel sorry for myself — but after doing this practice for more than a year, it just felt wrong to not do one, to not share it. I appreciate the comfort of this practice, the routine, the space and clarity it provides.

Jamie said last year about the Full Buck Moon, “There’s such gorgeous, lively energy under the Full Buck Moon! On the new moon, as we began gathering for our dreamboards, I invited you to ask yourself, ‘What are my most powerful dreams? Who am I when I am powerful?’ The Full Buck Moon is a time for stepping into that power. Now is the time to set intentions for bold action and big dreams, the time to take action and assert your presence in the world. Now is the time to take a stand and say, ‘Here I am! Here is what I’m dreaming!'”

The Full Buck Moon asks: “What are your most powerful dreams? Who are you when you are powerful?”

fullbuckmoon13

My teacher, Sakyong Mipham, said once,
“We think we are rocks, but we are gold.”
Awake, open, free.
Called to shine.

“I am constantly humbled by the ocean —
it teaches me that we can never control nature
or anything.
Rather, it is all about dancing with these dynamic waves
in ways where you are
poised between sensitivity and power.”

It’s not about being tough.
It’s about being tender, awake, open.

“Each of us feels
some aspect of the world’s suffering
acutely.
And we must pay attention.
We must act.
[Called to shine.]
This little corner of the world
[of our heart]
is ours to transform.
This little corner of the world
[of our heart]
is ours to save.”

I am the water, reflecting your light,
You are the echo of my heart’s song.

“We are all inextricably connected
to a field of awareness that is
infinite, unbounded, and eternal.
Meditation, yoga, and other practices
[writing and dog]
give us direct access
to this field of silent awareness.

By allowing our intentions
to drop into this state of silence and joy,
we put ourselves into the best position
for those intentions to manifest.”

There is a song in my heart,
a sleeping Bodhisattva,
but now it is dawn,
morning is here,
the sun is golden in the sky,
reflected off the water,
and it’s time to shine,
time to wake up.

Self-Compassion Saturday: Laurie Wagner

Again I caught myself this morning thinking “you should have these posts written earlier, ready to go.” But first there was meditation, a half cup of coffee and the writing of morning pages, and then there were dogs to be walked and I wanted to get to the Farmer’s Market before all the strawberries were gone. I let go of the should, gently set it down on top of the pile of mail I still haven’t looked at, certain that my dear friend and teacher Laurie Wagner, of all people, knows the importance of going on a long walk, taking a pause, focusing on the moment as it is, as it arises, and would completely understand how a strawberry is so much more than a piece of fruit.

strawberries

Laurie Wagner is the creator of 27 Powers, “a writing teacher + coach, author of 7 books, mixed-media artist, fervent collage-maker, mother of two, and a one-time amateur racquetball champion.” I’ve written about Laurie before, saying in that post that “Laurie’s energy is radiant, vibrant and raw, lighting up and electrifying the space, however virtual it might be. She is at once your favorite grade school teacher, most popular camp counselor, beloved childhood friend (the one who climbed trees and loved books), best girlfriend, and precious mother.” She’s recently dubbed herself “Tender Truth Serum, In Human Form” and I couldn’t agree more.

I get to finally meet Laurie in person in September, get to hang out with her three different times over the course of three months. I’ve been having dreams about it, and in each one, I am talking to someone else in a crowded room, turn to see her for the first time and burst into tears. When I imagine meeting her, there is a sense of intense joy, but also an odd mix of relief and sadness, as if there’s a part of me saying “where have you been? I’ve been waiting, looking for so long.” It’s enough to almost make me believe in reincarnation, like she was my guru, my beloved, or my mother in a past life and I’ve been searching for her ever since.

As a teacher, Laurie has a particular kind of magic, power, love. It makes me think of what Thich Nhat Hanh said, that “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” Laurie’s teaching loves you in just this way. When I find myself in a moment of not knowing what to say, or being afraid to say what I know is true, all I have to do is imagine Laurie, touch in to her energy, and I am brave, free to write what is wild and raw and beautiful. I’m so happy to share her answers to my self-compassion questions with you today, so happy for you to meet her if you hadn’t already.

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image by andrea scher

1. What does self-compassion mean, what is it? How would you describe or define it?

Because I am imperfect, because I am flawed, I allow myself to make mistakes. I will bumble things and the wrong words will come out of my mouth. I will hurt you and I will hurt myself. But because my heart is good, I’ll know that I never meant to. And it’s this “never meant to” that enables me to forgive myself and to forgive you too. I believe in the words, “ I’m sorry.” What else is there to say?

My husband and I had a therapist who told us that the only two words couples need to say to one another are, “I’m sorry.” So my husband and I made these little badges that said, “I’m sorry.” Whenever we failed each other – which was daily – we held these badges out to the other. We didn’t mean to hurt each other, but we knew we would. This is how we found compassion for each other and our marriage.

image from Laurie's website

image from laurie’s website

2. How did you learn self-compassion? Did you have a teacher, a guide, a path, a resource, a book, a moment of clarity or specific experience?

I’ve always been incredibly hard on myself. My Father was hard on himself. We looked so valiant, so full of humility – but it wasn’t for either of us. Sure we both had a desire to learn and to grow, but I think we were just as afraid that we needed to be perfect so we wouldn’t get creamed by people. My desire to be perfect has a lot of FUCK YOU in it – as in “FUCK YOU – now you can’t touch me.” Anyone with an alcoholic parent will understand this.

Someone once said of me that I was the most tender, tough person they knew. I think that’s true of me and age has helped me to become even a little more tender. There’s just so much each day that I can’t control and that I have to shake my head at. It’s getting easier to let go because holding on – trying to get a perfect dinner on, AND get to the gym, AND meet a friend, AND edit those papers, AND be a good mommy is more and more impossible. Self-compassion for me might be emailing every appointment I have over a week and canceling everything. It helps that I surround myself with wonderful people – people who are on the self forgiving path – people who love me – who don’t want to see me cream myself because they know that that doesn’t bring the best out of me, or you, or anyone.

image by andrea scher

image by andrea scher

3. How do you practice self-compassion, what does that experience look like for you?

Recently I fell into the nasty habit of smoking cigarettes. It had been a rough spell in my life and one thing I know about myself is that I tend to reach for immediate gratification when I’m stressed. Coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, shopping. Not in excess, but those are my go-to’s. Sure, I’ll take a bath, or sometimes lie down, but I know myself. The cigarette thing was ugly and I knew it had to come to an end. So I blogged about it. I outed myself instead of holding it inside like some cherished, slimy secret that I was going to feel lousy about. Outing it allowed me to come clean – not in a punishing way – but with compassion and understanding for myself. A lot of people wrote to me about their own tendencies to do something similar. We’re all in the same boat, just different details. I’m not a bad person for smoking, it’s just a bad habit.

Here’s another:

Last week in my writing class I inadvertently hurt a student’s feelings. She began crying, got up from the table, slammed a door and wrote an entire piece about how mad she was. As she read her piece my little tin heart was beating so loud. I was scared. I’d F’d Up – the part of me that wanted to be the best teacher in the world was very uncomfortable. It would be clear that I wasn’t perfect. After she read, I simply apologized in front of the whole class and hugged her. What else could I do? I’m not perfect. But my heart is good. I make mistakes. I learn. What more might I do?

laurie_grass_boots_700

image by andrea scher

4. What do you still need to learn, to know, to understand? What is missing from your practice of self-compassion, what do you still struggle with?

Self-compassion is something that I get to practice multiple times a day. Every morning when I wake up, I place my hand on my heart and I say, “help me.”

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I’m sure you can see, kind and gentle reader, why I am looking so forward to sitting in one of these chairs at 27 Powers. I’m not entirely sure I won’t burst into flames (immediately after bursting into tears), but I’m so willing to risk it. To find out more about Laurie, to connect with her:

Next on Self-Compassion Saturday: Judy Clement Wall.

P.S. If you didn’t see the first post in this series, you might want to read Self-Compassion Saturday: The Beginning.

P.S.S. Special thanks to Andrea Scher for allowing me to share some of the amazing pictures she’s taken of Laurie.

Full Moon Dreamboard: The Full Buck Moon

When I got up this morning, the full moon was hanging, white and bright, over the ocean. I was surprised by its size, its light, and it felt like I was the only one, that it was just me, the dogs, the moon and her ocean. It was magic.

Jamie describes the Full Buck Moon this way: There’s such gorgeous, lively energy under the Full Buck Moon! On the new moon, as we began gathering for our dreamboards, I invited you to ask yourself, “What are my most powerful dreams? Who am I when I am powerful?” The Full Buck Moon is a time for stepping into that power. Now is the time to set intentions for bold action and big dreams, the time to take action and assert your presence in the world. Now is the time to take a stand and say, “Here I am! Here is what I’m dreaming!” Sharing your dreams here is a great way to start!

Full Buck Moon

The Full Buck Moon asks: “What are your most powerful dreams? Who are you when you are powerful?” It was hard to get a good picture of this one, being on vacation and without my scanner, and because my dreamboard was so full, it took up a double wide page.

The Power
Imagine having nothing to hide.
Imagine all you had to do was be yourself by doing the things you love to do.
More fun = does good.
Entertaining and surprising.
Immerse yourself in everything.

At home in nature, sit happens.
On the bright side, real shit happens.
Healthy self-reliance, sensitive simple laid-back girl power.
A quiet mind and compassionate heart.
Possibility, promise, and potential.

Choose kindness.
Keep calm, create.
Spread happiness, words.
Fall in love with balance.
Live your best life, a life you love.

Books have hearts and wings, along with kind words.
Life happened because I turned the pages.
As a writer, you ask yourself to dream while awake.
Women who make beautiful things,
transform the world as you transform yourself.
Magic and medicine.
That’s what the book is about: how we can bear what we cannot bear.
Love, loss, and what she learned.
The power of letting go.
Focus, harnessing inner strength.

The light in me sees the light in you
and recognizes the source of this light to be the same.
The weirdness in me bows to the weirdness in you.
We are all connected.

Your life, my life is a sacred opportunity.

Hi.
Welcome.
Om.
Namaste.
Thank you.
Amen.