Tag Archives: Pema Chödrön

Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: Life is beautiful.

bee

Driving home the other day, I saw a large, golden mare standing in a field of grass, just down the street from my house. She was big enough to be a Clydesdale, but I don’t think they are ever that color. The sun rippled in her blonde mane as she bent her head to bite at the grass. Her person sat on the fence and watched her while a little boy rode past on his bike watching her too–all three of us, watching her, amazed. The sun was resting just at the top edge of the foothills, on its way down, washing everything in golden light.

And after work on Monday, after a long, hard day, when I was feeling completely exhausted and a little sad, I sat with Dexter on the couch, my head buried in his soft belly, feeling his heart beat against my forehead, and he bent his head towards mine, touching my face with his nose, and he sighed, and my whole body softened.

Looking into her eyes, having her look back, see me, both our hearts so open and grateful and brave, I tell her how thankful I am and that I adore her, our hands touch and tears fill both our eyes, even as we smile, our love and thanks a brilliant offering to the whole world.

Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. ~Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

2. Truth: Life is brutal.

This morning, while the dogs and I were walking, we heard the chaos and commotion of sirens, wave after wave, so it clearly was something bad. When we got back home, I went online and saw that someone’s car had gone off the road and into the river up the Poudre Canyon and one person had drowned. We had walked that morning along the same river where he’d died.

I saw a man sitting on the side of the road next to a Walmart shopping cart containing an army rucksack stuffed full. He was on the sidewalk in the shade, drinking a beer. When he got up, it was clear he was drunk, he stumbled and almost fell over, and then staggered down the sidewalk, clutching his beer in one hand and steering the cart with the other. I wondered where he was going, what was in his bag, who loved him.

Every person who has ever gone to prison, been an addict, broken a promise, or made a mistake was once loved by someone, probably is still, someone who can’t understand “how this happened” and doesn’t know what to do, who grieves and suffers and wishes.

And cancer. All the chaos it causes, the hearts it breaks, the suffering it generates.

On the other hand, wretchedness–life’s painful aspect–softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody’s eyes because you feel you haven’t got anything to lose–you’re just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us… ~Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

3. Life is precious, because it is both beautiful and brutal.

Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both… Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together. ~Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

One Wish: That even though we all have to take the hurt and the harm with the radiant and the wonderful, we know the preciousness of each moment, every breath. We feel the tender heart of sadness, but we keep it open, we stay mindful and present, not wanting to miss a single minute of it. And that we know we are basically good, that kindness and wisdom are always there.

M is for Meditation

M is for Meditation

I’ve been at Shambhala Mountain Center all weekend, at the “Fearless Creativity” writing and meditation retreat with Susan Piver, so it was pretty clear what I should write about for the letter M. I’ll write a post later about how utterly amazing the retreat was, about how much I adore Susan Piver, and the impact this weekend has had on my writing practice, but for now let’s talk about the other practice I did this weekend, that I do daily: meditation.

Many of us are slaves to our minds. Our own mind is our worst enemy. We try to focus, and our mind wanders off. We try to keep stress at bay, but anxiety keeps us awake at night. We try to be good to the people we love, but then we forget them and put ourselves first. And when we want to change our life, we dive into spiritual practice and expect quick results, only to lose focus after the honeymoon has worn off. We return to our state of bewilderment. We’re left feeling helpless and discouraged. It seems we all agree that training the body through exercise, diet, and relaxation is a good idea, but why don’t we think about training our minds? ~Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

“The process of undoing bewilderment is based on stabilizing and strengthening our mind,” says Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. “Shamatha meditation is how we do that.”

I started a regular meditation practice five years ago. Sometimes it seems like only five minutes, and other times it feels like 500 years. The style of meditation I practice is shamatha, which means “calm awareness” or “peaceful abiding.” The focus is on the breath and the eyes remain open, inviting reality and the environment in to the experience, engaging with it but not grasping or attaching, and accepting reality as it is, not rejecting, trying to change it, and not hoping that conditions were different. Peaceful abiding, calm awareness. Being with what is, as it is. Opening your heart to the vast space, the stillness and the silence, even when your internal or external environment might be otherwise.

It’s through this training of the mind that we can regain a connection to our innate sanity, our compassion, confidence, wisdom, and strength, on and off the cushion. The practice trains our mind away from a discursive, fearful, aggressive relationship with reality, away from a confused perception of the way things are.

the view from my cushion this weekend

In some traditions of meditation, the goal is to reach a state of removal from reality, transcendence, a bliss state even, the goal being to check out, to remove yourself from the experience of reality. I won’t lie, this sounds appealing, but what happens when you come back, off the cushion in your post mediation life? How will this have helped you cope with the real deal, the shit and stink of life, what’s really going on? I prefer shamatha, the instruction to relax and be gentle with yourself, but also to open your heart and connect with reality, your current state, your life and everything in it, to experience things as they are in this moment, bravely and with confidence.

This for me is such good news, that there is a method, a way, a practice for training your mind to be with what is, come what may, to be confident and peaceful. I don’t have to fight reality, deny it, abandon it, transcend it, reject or renounce it—I can be in my life, bravely and confidently. Yes, it is messy and unkind, brutal at times, and I am at times confused, suffering, dirty and stinky, but I am also brilliant and precious. And I am grateful to have a practice of meditation that makes it all workable.

Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That’s the ground, that’s what we study, that’s what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest. ~Pema Chödrön