Tag Archives: Overwhelm

Day of Rest

These past few days, I have felt worried, anxious, and overwhelmed. In an effort to get myself to relax, to show myself how ridiculous the demands I’m making on my time and my heart-mind really are, I made a list of everything I want to do, everything that has to get done, all the shoulds and have tos, all the someday dreams and potential regrets. It was insane. I was writing and writing, and had to turn the page to finish the list, and stopped before I was really done. Looking at the language of overwhelm, written in my own loopy hand, my pen both pressed hard into the page and moving as fast as it could, I saw the full measure of my confusion.

I took a deep breath and wrote myself a new list.

Instead of trying, give up.
Instead of struggling, surrender.
Instead of doing and working, rest.
Instead of judgement, offer love.
Instead of worrying, be gentle.
Instead of hoping, be present.
Instead of fear, relax.
Instead of resisting, be open.
Instead of attachment, let go.
Instead of being sure, live in the question.
Instead of anger, tenderness.
Instead of overwhelm, joy.
Instead of becoming, be.

Taking My Time

I’m in this strange space, this odd state today. It feels a bit like being hungover or jet lagged. I think it’s actually World Domination Summit love lag, a possibility hangover accompanied by waves of wonder and magic aftershocks that has brought about a sabbath, a day of rest that fell midweek.

I’m exhausted, existing in a whole other time zone, another reality. All I could manage today was walking the dogs, a shower, eating, and a long nap. This kind of day used to send me into fits. I’d power past the tired and overwhelm, keep working anyway, to the point of collapse or illness, chanting “have to, should, must, already wasted too much time.” I’d drag myself, push and pull and bully and smash myself to bits to get from this moment to the next, not stopping until I’d reached the goal, which I never did because I was always adding more things, having more ideas, creating more tasks for myself.

which way is up?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?
~Josh Pais (by way of Danielle LaPorte)

This goal thinking, this endless to-do list, this rush toward the real thing, the important moment, the big accomplishment, the grasping and reaching is exactly the thing that wastes time. It denies this moment, the one I’m in now. Denies my need for rest, to go more slowly, to ruminate and contemplate, to enjoy the ride. It says “hurry up” when I want to lollygag, fool around, dawdle. It rushes to get somewhere else when I long to be here, now.

So for today, I’m allowing myself to take it easy, to go slow, to accept that even if it means I miss out on something, it’s okay. Because what I definitely won’t miss is this moment. It’s all there is, and that’s such a gift, because in this moment there is the sound of the ocean and bird song, sun and a light breeze, two soft and sleepy dogs resting at my feet, my boy on his way to the store to buy vanilla ice cream to go with the peach cobbler he made while I napped, the tap of my finger on the keys and words to string together, and you, dear reader, to tell all this to. There is love and there is time, and that’s more than enough.

I am enough.

what tired looks like