Tag Archives: New Year’s Resolutions

Resolve

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In Colorado, the wind today is fierce, gusting at around 50 miles per hour, knocking down trees and ruining dog walks all over town, even as the sun shines on. I imagine that the wind is the universe blowing away the yuck not invited into 2012, everything we’ve let go, released, and let loose. The wind is clearing out space for something wild and precious to be born.

image by susannah conway

And like the Hopi Elder’s Prophecy says:

“This could be a good time! There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word ‘struggle’ from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

In other words: if you have been waiting for something to happen, stop waiting and happen. Jump into the river with me, won’t you?

There are a few guiding principles I adopted this year when completing a “review, reflect, and resolve” practice, (a process I have never undergone before, at least not with such care, mindfulness, and intention).

1. I am already whole. I am enough.

  • “The self-assured strength that grows from knowing that we already have what we need makes us gentle, because we are no longer desperate” ~Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
  • “We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake” ~Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

2. This is not just about New Year’s, this is not limited to a single date or thing: this is my whole life–connected, integrated, embodied, and manifested as complete and enough.

3. Don’t make resolutions, but have resolve and be authentic. This is my life.

2012: Year of the Water Dragon

image by Will Clayton

This will be a year of power and wisdom, but also one of compassion. It will be a year of great possibility, energy, vitality, excitement, unpredictability, exhilaration and intensity. The spirit of the dragon is passionate and brave, generous and fortunate, but must take great care or it can be destructive and dangerous, causing much damage to all involved.

Before class, one of my yoga teachers always asks us to set an intention, something that can focus and guide and center us, through the class and the rest of our day. My resolve and intention for 2012: Retreat is the theme of the year (rest, balance, practice, and transformation), a year in which I will tend to my body, spirit, and heart-mind.
I will do so through:

*Creativity: writing my blog, writing, making art, showing up and being open to what arises, being an expression of kindness and love and wisdom in the present moment, a healing and helpful act, to touch and transform the heart.

*Trust: faith in the worthiness, wholeness, and uniqueness of “me,” practicing and embodying self-love and self-care. Belief that everything is unfolding exactly as it should and I know what to do. “Who you are is infinite; you are a child of The Uni-verse and you have been sent here with a specific gift that is only yours to express. The events that happen, happen to shape us, to mold us and to help us step into who we are supposed to be. You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed. You are eternal and a part of a living Uni-verse that supports you. Give us your gift,” (“How to Get Unstuck from Past Trauma” on The Daily Love).

*Health: accept my weak places and parts, my resistance, attachment, and bad habits, (time monsters, shadow comforts, fear, shame, addiction, and self-hate), love what these things have taught me, be grateful, and let go. Ask for help if I need it. Lovingly, gently, kindly connect to my body, embodying attention, awareness, and strength through practice and presence.

My own two feet

My own two feet

I stand here, my two feet planted firmly on the earth, “one foot in the grave and one foot in the shower” (song lyric from “Falling Awake” by Gary Jules), open-hearted and vulnerable, but brave and ready to happen. Jump into the river with me, won’t you?

Good night beautiful year.

What I’ve Learned on this Vacation

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Having time off from my paid work, time at home and away, is such a gift. Sinking in to that space allows me to be wholly mindful in a way that I don’t seem to manage otherwise, and I learn so much from it.

I committed myself this week to doing a whole “Review, Reflect, and Resolve” project, but found myself getting irritated, and tired, and frustrated, and anxious–not at all the experience I’d expected. It was taking too long, wasn’t going as smoothly as I had imagined, and I felt scattered and unfocused–until I realized why: I have been blogging about my “life rehab” here, and this has been an ongoing process of reviewing, reflecting, and resolving my life. I have already taken steps, I am already doing the work, and there’s no need to separate that out as a special, isolated practice because it is, all of it, MY LIFE.

And yet, it’s good to be clear and mindful, about who you are, what you value, where your particular strengths are, what you have to offer, how you can help, and what you want your life to look like. And when you are connected directly to that, when you absolutely embody who you are and what you value, there’s no need to make any other special statement about it. Instead you simply sink into it and rest–it’s where you live. As Leo Babauta suggested in his post “Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge,” we can let go of goals and projects and improvement, and “instead…be happy with ourselves,” what he calls a “revolution of contentment.”

I didn’t completely abandon my review, reflect, and resolve, but I have reframed it. I am putting pages into the 2012 weekly planner Eric got me to be able to carry a physical reminder with me, of who I am and what I value and what I hope to manifest. I am so excited for the possibility and transformation of the new year, and think this “book” I am making will remind and inspire me when I need it. What I’ve learned while being on vacation is that to approach a year of “retreat,” I need to remember the qualities of retreat I hope to manifest: practice, balance, rest, and transformation.

I’ve been reminded that I need to make time to tend my body: eat, shower, sleep, exercise, meditate, do yoga, walk with the dogs, spend time with Eric.

I’ve been reminded that I need to make time to tend to my spirit: meditate, do yoga, walk with my dogs, study and read, be creative, write.

I’ve been reminded that I need to make time to tend my heart: served most effectively when there is balance in the way I tend the other two, because in that way/those ways, I am generating and manifesting love and kindness towards myself, but I’m also practicing keeping my heart open, being mindful, vulnerable, present, and brave. I am able to connect my core values (kindness, bravery, silliness, creativity, curiosity, and presence) directly to my actions.

You might wonder where “mind” is on my list of things to tend. I have come to understand that concept (through my study and practice of Buddhist principles) that the brain is an organ of the body, so would be part of what you are referring to when you talk of that physical collective. The “mind” or consciousness is centered with, and directly connected to the heart. Together, they join wisdom (mind) and compassion (heart) in a single, central location. This space is our fundamental nature, our basic goodness–who we “really” are, underneath, before, and beyond anything else. So when I referred to “heart” earlier, I meant heart-mind.

For my year of Retreat, my resolve is to sink into my practices, know and manifest my core values, be open-hearted and brave, have faith in a sacred alignment between what I want and what I have to offer, be mindful of my middle path (the pause and the gap, balance and freedom), rest and restore and rehab. Transformation is one element that has special meaning to me, as I realized the other day that every butterfly is first a pupa in a cocoon–fat, soft, round, vulnerable, and completely still. You simply cannot transform and grow wings without that time in stasis, and therefore, you must retreat if you are looking to transform. Yes, I might feel a bit sad or even embarrassed by my blobby, fat, slow self while the rest of the world is happily crawling around chewing on stuff, or floating in the sky on their beautiful wings, but I have to remember I am exactly where I should be, things are unfolding just as they should. It is right, true, and completely natural.

Just like savasana pose in yoga, this quiet and stillness and surrender is necessary to integrate the body and mind with the practice, to assimilate and process the practice into an embodied whole.  In the same way, off the mat, deep change needs a balance of deep rest and contemplation to allow our innate wisdom to work, for integration to happen.

In between inhalation and exhalation,
In between joy and pain,
In between remembering and forgetting,
In between who we think we are and reality,
There is a pause.
Seek refuge there.
~Goswami Kriyananda