1. Morning walks. We finally figured out what the beavers had been working so hard on: a new dam. The mud had tiny beaver hand prints. It’s close enough to the trail that if it floods over, the rangers will most likely have to dismantle it. I realized one day how often we’ve been seeing the heron because Eric pointed one out and I didn’t even stop to take a picture. There’s been a real uptick in bear sightings but we haven’t run into any yet.

2. Rain. It’s storming right now and we’ve had the windows open and the whole house fan on for the past few hours instead of the a/c. We had a huge storm a few days ago that caused a lot of flooding because the rain came down so hard and fast. After such a dry, hot summer, rain seems like magic.

3. Bosco. Chloe’s little family got a new puppy and he’s adorable. He’s the same kind of dog as his big brother Pancho, who for his first three years was Ringo’s best friend. Once Pancho got too big, too grown up, Ringo decided they couldn’t be friends anymore and it was very sad for Chloe’ and I. Pancho weighs around 120+ pounds so Bosco is going to be a big boy too. Even though they are a lot of work and can bring a lot of chaos, there’s just something about a baby dog.

4. Yellow. The changing leaves and blooming rabbit brush as fall nears, the roses Eric bought me, the placemats at one of our favorite restaurants, peaches, and one of the colors in every kitchen counter love note Eric made me this week.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Eric had lots of meetings and such this week and classes start next week and with one extra commitment this semester on top of everything else I won’t get to see him as much. Ringo’s wonky belly seems to have cleared up finally and he’s doing really well otherwise for an old man almost 13. I sure wish my anxiety would calm down about him being old, especially considering having an old dog was something I wanted, worked and wished for. I feel very lucky to have this “problem” and the resources to make this effort, the luxury to be able to focus so much of my effort and energy on calming the f*#k down.

Bonus joy: getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna, getting the laundry done before it gets too hot, texting with Chloe’ and Chris, getting to see Chloe’ and the dogs, the blueberry jam Ralf made, a warm shower, naps, watching “easy” TV (it’s really all I can handle right now), listening to podcasts, peaches, cheeseburgers, lemonade, grapefruit Bubly, onion buns, pickled red onions, asian cucumber salad with peanuts, cooking with Eric, taking a new class at the gym and seeing two gym friends there, having the whole pool to myself, being able to text my neighbors about dumb stuff, watching Eric trying to snoop on the new neighbors moving in across the street, a big glass of cold clean water, sleeping in, cleaning up the house a bit, all the cards people sent about Mom, having saved voicemails so I can still hear her voice (“Hi Jill. It’s Mom.”), poetry, knowing that Ringo trusts me, ibuprofen (see “taking a new class at the gym”), the massage chair, scheduling a massage at the gym and finding out the person I see there when I can’t get in to see my person took over the Monday and Wednesday morning yoga class and committing to start going again, patchouli, blooper reels, down pillows and blankets, reading in bed while Eric and Ringo sleep (which I’m going to go do right now).

1. Morning walks. Just the past few days, even though we are still having high temperatures in the upper 90s and even over 100 degrees, there has been a subtle shift towards fall. We’ve been regularly seeing a lot of heron and the tiny family of deer, the mama with her three babies — at first we weren’t sure if all three were hers, but this morning we saw all three nursing from her. Ringo was also pretty proud of himself this week to find a deer bone. He pulled me off trail, refusing to budge when I tried to get him to turn back, insisting there was something out there he needed to see, which is pretty impressive because the bone was completely clean and he could still smell that it was something special.

2. Practice. Yoga at Red Sage, writing with my Wild-ish group on Friday morning, making some art, pulling a card from one of my tarot decks, sitting with what I’m feeling, writing in the morning with a hot cup of coffee and a warm mug of green tea and a dog on the floor behind me or under my desk at my feet.

3. Knowing when to quit, when to say no. This came up a few times this week. I have been very thoughtful recently when something arises and I want to quit or say no because I’m pretty vulnerable and want to be sure it’s a helpful response and not just me wanting to run away or give up.

4. Peach season. Everything tastes better in season, most vegetables and fruits if you can get them are so much better they almost count as completely different varieties when they are picked fresh, are actually ripe when harvested. Even so, there are a lot of things I’ve grown used to getting from the store even after the moment has passed locally. Peaches are one thing that is an exception, something I only enjoy when they are in season locally, so I am currently eating as many as I can, and this week, Eric made me another square pie using our “outdoor kitchen.” The pie is long gone but later I’m going to have peaches with my oatmeal.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I am still struggling with the memories of being with my mom as she was dying, can still feel myself in that room sitting next to her listening to her struggle to breathe, and that’s been hard. I haven’t been sleeping very well and I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety along with the grief. That said, I’m so glad to be home, to be here while that is happening, to have Eric and Ringo’s company no matter how I’m feeling.

Bonus joy: cheese, getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna, opening all the windows and turning on the whole house fan in the morning while it’s still cool outside, our “new” bed and in particular the wool topper, clean sheets, a warm shower, the way my shampoo and conditioner smell, my wool Haflinger slippers, clothes that are soft and loose, my purple down blanket with fleece on one side, down pillows and blankets, the way lotion and lip balm feels when your skin is dry, stretching, other people’s kids and dogs and gardens, flowers, birds, the way the squirrels that live in our neighbor’s tree are so unafraid of Ringo and will hang out in our yard even when he’s around even though sometimes he chases them for a bit of fun, leftovers, being able to cook outside when it’s too hot to turn the oven on inside, strawberries, cheese (yes, I already mentioned it but for some reason I’m sort of obsessed with it this week), salt, libraries, poetry, good movies and TV, listening to and watching podcasts (but I’m still confused — if you can watch it, doesn’t that make it a talk show?), good books, new music (did you know Will Ferrell’s son is a singer? and he’s pretty good too), earplugs, Ringo coming to tell me it’s time for his lunch (he’s standing behind me right now making the request), reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.