1. Morning walks. It was another week of especially cold mornings and more snow on the ground. It most likely is the last of the negative temperatures but not necessarily the snow. One morning, Ringo and I walked a short section of trail we hadn’t walked before and it reminded me how much he loves exploring new places. I suspect part of his excitement was that a fox or something just as wild and stinky must have recently passed through.

Here are some pictures Eric took, on one of his icy walks with Ringo. We’d had freezing rain the night before and then that got covered with a layer of snow, so the trees were especially sparkly and when the sun hit them and they started to melt, it looked like it was snowing again. 

2. Practice. Doing yoga at Red Sage, writing with my Friday morning sangha, and adding a few more tiny brass animals to my meditation shrine, two horses in memory of Eric’s mom and sister.

3. Being able to help my brother from 1200 miles away. Things are moving ahead for settling my mom in memory care. I thankfully was able to do a lot of the initial contacts and paperwork and such from here in Colorado. I’m a bit nervous that Mom may have advanced to the point they won’t accept her, and that we’ll have to start the whole process over, this time to find a skilled nursing placement or even hospice. In the meantime, Chris has been Mom’s primary and only caretaker — and as anyone who has cared for an adult sized loved one understands, when they are sick or injured or even dying, it’s A LOT of work simply to keep them safe and comfortable, clean and fed. May whatever is best for everyone involved in caring for my mom happen quickly and easily. And if you have any to spare, I’d take your good wishes for the same, kind and gentle reader.

4. Pilates. I finally found a place that had the teachers, classes, prices, and equipment I was looking for, and it’s less than 10 minutes away. I went to my first session last Sunday. It felt so good!

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Everything else can feel heavy and hard, but THIS is always my soft place to land.

Bonus joy: KIND dipped clusters, tortilla chips, poetry and poets, libraries and librarians, ALT National Park Service, stickers (especially this one), true crime, comedy, listening to podcasts, watching TV, blue sky, hanging out with Chloe’ on Zoom, texting with Chris, looking at old texts from my mom and dad, the brief glimpses I get that things might be okay, my infrared heating pad, grocery shopping, being able to cook, school pictures of my dad when he was little (seriously, he was so cute), other people’s dogs and kids, streaming music, making myself mixtapes, people who shovel their sidewalks when it snows, naps, a warm shower, houseplants, popcorn, hugs in the kitchen, laughing with Eric, when Ringo sighs (sometimes it means he’s super comfortable and sometimes it means I’m annoying him), having an 11 year old dog who still acts like a punk teenager, the way Eric steps in to pick up my slack, when Chelsey texts to check up on me, sharing videos and memes with Kari and Shelly and Carrie, that banana bread Kerri gave us, walnuts, down blankets and pillows, soft merino wool shirts, reading in bed at night on my Kindle while Eric and Ringo sleep.

1. Morning walks. As predicted, with the snow and colder weather, a few walks were postponed and at least one didn’t happen at all. And yet, when we did get out, it was so beautiful. I love how quiet it is on the trails when the ground is covered in snow. There are fewer people and animals and bikes out, but also everything is muffled by the blanket of white, except for the crunch of it underfoot.

2. Practice. Red Sage yoga got cancelled because they accidentally scheduled appointments in both the big rooms so we didn’t have a space (and outside wasn’t an option). My Friday morning writing sangha was much needed this week and didn’t disappoint. I got two new tiny brass horses, one mama and one baby, for my meditation shrine to represent Eric’s mom and his sister, both gone now.

3. Good food. I met with a nutritionist this week. My ED is acting up because I’m holding space for so much and it’s so heavy and it felt like I needed some support in that area. Add in Hashimoto’s, menopause, arthritis, and an overactive nervous system, and it’s easy to get off balance and hard to find my way back. I did discover a new take out place and am currently obsessed with their Spicy Sesame bowl — Jasmine Rice, Gochujang (sesame, soy, sugar), Seared Chicken Breast, Caramelized Onion, Roasted Broccoli, Shredded Carrot, Purple Cabbage, Spicy Vegan Kimchi, Green Onion, Cilantro, Gochujang Mayo (soy), Sesame Seeds. It is SO delicious and satisfying.

4. My brother. He has taken on so much in the past year and a half. He already has his own tiny family, two daughters and two grandkids, that he takes such good care of, and then our mom and dad got added to that caretaking, and while it’s been hard for him, so complicated and exhausting sometimes, he keeps showing up, no matter what. This week in particular, my mom’s caretaking situation fell apart in a pretty spectacular way, so he’s been caring for mom and his two grandkids, 6 and 4 years old. I’m helping as much as I can from a distance, in part getting things going for moving my mom to a care facility because keeping her at home is no longer workable and never was sustainable. I’m so sad and worried about all the things, hoping as hard as I can that it all comes together and works out, but in this, because of him, I’m not in it alone.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I am SO lucky to have this refuge, this safe place, this comfort and joy and love. I am very aware that not everyone is so lucky and I never take it for granted. 

Bonus joy: training one last time with Shelby (she got a new job, yay for her and boo for me), texting with Chloe’ and Chris, having options, candles and twinkle lights, tiny brass animals (still not entirely sure why I’m so obsessed), pistachios, a warm mug of green tea, the banana bread Kerri gave us, peanut butter and chocolate, acupuncture, aqua aerobics, sitting in the sauna, snow tires, poetry and poets, libraries and librarians, comedy, true crime, listening to podcasts, down blankets and pillows and coats, online ordering, sharing videos with Shellie and Kari, other people’s dogs and kids, a massage with Dana, naps, hugs in the kitchen, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.