1. I’m still here. I’m finding my groove during this “back to school” season, the first one in 20+ years I haven’t also been going back to school. I had a moment yesterday afternoon where I felt really lonely, but that had more to do with Eric having been gone for things three days and nights in a row. I subbed a yoga class that morning and two of the women came up afterwards and told me how much they enjoyed when I taught. I explained that I’d been given the opportunity to take over that class in the fall, but I wasn’t ready to add any other classes to my schedule just yet. I’m taking my time right now, allowing myself to go slow, to contemplate and rest. For the first time in a really long time, I’m not in a hurry, not rushing into the next thing. I don’t want to be distracted or busy. I want to really understand, on a deep level, the next right thing for me. I want to, for once, honor my energy level, my intuition, my needs and my longings. I’m not used to this, putting myself first, but I’d like to get really good at it.

2. Morning walks. This morning, we saw some things we don’t normally notice: a mama deer and her baby (still had spots), a tiny tiny toad crossing the trail, and a little brown field mouse. We tried walking along the river for a bit, but there are still WAY too many mosquitoes.

3. Recognizing that I haven’t just sat on my butt all summer. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I set the bar pretty high for myself. This summer, I had a huge to-do list of all the things I was going to accomplish. Then I realized how tired and burnt out I was and decided to honor that instead. That left me feeling like I haven’t really done much of anything, but the other day when I was putting away laundry, I realized I’d completely cleaned and reorganized my room, closets and dressers, the bathroom, and my practice room, and also made a start on my office and the garage. We also planted a bunch of new stuff in our garden, I’ve been cooking and reading a lot, and I’ve watched an awful lot of really good TV. I’ve practiced almost every day and have been teaching and have spent a ton of time at the gym, taking classes and such.

I “won” in one of my fitness classes for keeping up the pace and working really hard.

4. Getting clear about what I want to do. I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about how exactly I want to spend my time and energy, and even though I thought I already knew, I’ve gotten a lot clearer about it in the past few weeks.

5. My tiny family. Eric did the Tough Mudder last weekend and had a lot of fun. Sam continues to do really well after his back injury over a year ago and is a world champion nap buddy. Ringo can be so hard, needs so much, and I love him so much, am so happy he’ll probably be around at least another 10 years.

Bonus joy: doing box handstands in yoga, finding a Dave Matthews themed yoga mix to play for my small class (the two people there that day REALLY love Dave Matthews), working out really hard in my fitness class, subbing for two of my favorite yoga classes, sleeping in, taking naps, watching good TV, sitting in the sun in the backyard and lounging with the dogs, losing track of what day it is, cooking, reading in bed at night while the boys are asleep, grocery shopping, texting with my next door neighbor during a really unusual power outage and remembering I have really really good neighbors, helping Chloe’ clean, writing and giggling and crying with Chloe’ and Mikalina, the moments when I feel like everything is going to be okay.

1. Morning walks. We walked the dogs at CSU this past Sunday morning. This is the view from my old office, from the outside looking in. I expected to be just a little freaked out at this point that I didn’t have a job to go back to in another week, but I was wrong. I’m content, happy with my choice, looking forward to what comes next — and SO happy I’m not going back there, doing that again.

2. Practice. Yoga, meditation, writing, and dog. Practice can sometimes feel like a contradiction. The intention is to become comfortable with discomfort, to accept that the ground is always shifting, and yet what practice offers is something like stable ground, a strong foundation, a soft place to land. Ultimately one has to be able to hold space for conflicting truths, both/and.

3. Writing, and the good books other people write. The love I have for these two things, the obsession, feels part of my DNA, something you couldn’t take from me no matter what or how hard you tried.

4. Our garden. The new flowers we planted attracted so many bees, moths, butterflies, and grasshoppers. We are also finally getting some tomatoes and a bunch of cucumbers — which is why I’m making these sesame cucumber noodles for dinner tonight.

5. My tiny family. Sam and Ringo like to “help” me cook.

Bonus joy: fresh peaches, zucchini quesadillas with grilled onions, writing with Mikalina, good TV, good movies, good podcasts, aqua aerobics, Pilates, sitting in the sauna, the fitness class I’m taking (and the fact that I can keep up with the 20-year-olds), yoga, clean sheets, getting all the laundry done, sourdough toast with marionberry jam, vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and walnuts, watching dumb TV with Eric, the way we laugh at the same dumb things.