Gratitude Friday

1. Sam. I’m not sure what I’d do without him right now, THE dog, (well, I know what I’d do — probably rescue two more dogs immediately). I had Little D on top of Dexter’s crate, along with his ashes, collar, and a clay paw print. Sam noticed it there and asked to have it. At first I said no, just like I did when Dexter was still here, “no, that’s Dexter’s toy.” It only took a few minutes of that sweet face, the way he’d look at me, look at the toy, look back at me, sitting so polite and patient, before I gave in and let him have it. We played for a few minutes and then he got in his crate with it, which is when I took this picture. Sam is his own kind of sad about losing his brother.

2. The promise of our garden harvest. Most of our strawberries didn’t survive the heat, some of the flowers I transplanted are a bit droopy and wilted, and most of our lettuce was eaten by bugs, but there are baby cucumber and zucchini squash, tomatoes and peppers, and Eric has been using our basil when he makes pizza.

3. Tribe, smart, creative, loving friends, both online and in the flesh, all real, who are working on the same things I am, doing the same practice, setting the same intentions, giving me support and offering inspiration, making me smile.

4. Books. I just ordered the new Neil Gaiman novel, The Ocean at the End of the Lane, (his wife wrote a really good blog post about it, The Ocean at the End of the Lane (A Book & Marriage Review)), and Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche’s new book, The Shambhala Principle: Discovering Humanity’s Hidden Treasure, and I can’t wait to read them. I am so grateful that there is so much beauty and wisdom so easily accessible.

5. New Girl, Season One, now available on Netflix streaming. I had missed the first part of the season, started watching late on Hulu.com, but now that it’s on Netflix I can catch up, (I clearly had missed WAY more than I realized). I love that show. The comedy happens in the context of people caring about each other, living together, and in the mess of that relationship, utterly beautiful and awkward and full of grace and completely complicated, the comedy naturally arises rather than resorting to stereotypes and meanness like so much other comedy seems to do. It’s smart funny, heart funny, real funny.

Bonus Joy: Yoga and weight training. I hadn’t been for a few weeks because first I was sick, then Dexter. It was good to get back to it.

1. Hiking. Woke up this morning to no Dexter. No cuddles in bed, no happy dance while I made his breakfast, no invitation to play with his baby. I am realizing with him gone how much he did to lift my mood, bring me joy, every moment I was with him. He was just such a happy dog, full of so much energy, even with cancer. We couldn’t stand to take our normal walk this morning to Lee Martinez Park without him, so we went to Big South and hiked for four hours instead. It was a beautiful hike, good to be somewhere different.

2. Samson. Eric and I took turns on this morning’s hike walking the dog, the dog we have to share, the dog who has brought us out of our grief over two losses now (he came to live with us four months after our Obi died), Mr. Sam. I can tell he’s trying so hard to know what to do, now that he is the only dog, and I’m making sure to do what I can to love him double and let him know that it’s okay, he doesn’t have to do anything, just be the goofy loveable dude he’s always been.

3. Home to Heaven, kind and wise caregivers like Dr. Cooney who will come to your home to help you let your loved one go, to release them gently from their suffering, all the while asking you all kinds of questions, letting you tell stories about how they came into your life, what you love about them, giving you all the time you need. Other than a brief moment when we thought Dexter might throw up (his belly hadn’t been feeling too good all day and the sedative made him feel a little woozy), it was an easy death for Dexter, peaceful and gentle, and I am so grateful for that.

4. Kind, generous friends. I’m not talking about just my local people, I mean all of you out there, people I barely know or have never even met, all of my kind and gentle readers and friends sent us so much love and support yesterday and into today. Knowing we are so loved, being sent so much good energy, made things much lighter — I did not have to carry this sadness alone. We absolutely were not alone in our loss, and I am so so grateful.

5. Eric. I have no idea how I would have made it through Dexter’s (and Obi’s) cancer and loss without him there to support me, to suffer with me, to cheer me up, hold me when I cry, cry with me, help me make the hardest of decisions. Having the right partner, a good fit and a good person, is such a blessing.

Bonus Joy: We didn’t make it a whole week this time, but still I am so grateful for our final days with the sweet Mr. Dexter. These are the last two pictures I ever took of him. I miss him so much, but I’m so glad he won’t have to suffer anymore.