Dexter | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Flowers from my garden. As much as I am working on cultivating a garden I can eat, I also want a full season of blooms.

2. Easy and affordable access to healthcare. I am so grateful, especially after this weekend, to be able to get help 24 hours a day, seven days a week, from wise and compassionate caregivers.

3. Free Yoga Journals. On one of our morning walks this week, we went by a house for sale that had a full box of about six years worth of Yoga Journal magazine sitting out front on the sidewalk. I passed it up at first, tried to convince myself I didn’t need them, was in the process of decluttering, but ended up going back for them. Truth is, I’m starting yoga teacher training in January, they are my favorite magazine, and after I read them I always use them to collage, so I kind of did need them.

4. HGTV House Hunters and House Hunters International. I’ve mentioned before that being a highly sensitive person, I have to be careful what I watch. I can’t really watch anything with conflict or meanness or horror anymore, which means most TV is out. But I love HGTV. If I could have just that channel, I might consider getting cable again, but for now, thankfully, there are episodes available online.

5. Summer break. I had a dream last night that I was on vacation in Hawaii, but I’d spent most of my time working, being inside, that I was spending the last day there doing laundry and was so sad that I hadn’t enjoyed the trip more. I think that was my subconscious telling me that it’s time to start acting like I’m on vacation, (I’m not really very good at it). I’m listening to Beach House Radio as I write this, and missing the beach so much it hurts a little. This time last year, we were packing, getting ready to leave the next day for a whole month there, with no idea that our sweet Dexter had cancer, no idea it would be his last trip there with us.

Bonus Joy: Another week with Dexter. I almost hate to say it outloud, afraid I might jinx it, but he’s gone five days without a bloody nose. A few nights ago, he slept in bed with us the whole night, and his routine for getting in was exactly like the “good old days,” — go out to go potty, come back in and check that everyone is in bed, go find his Little D, hop into bed with us, play with his baby for a little bit, get petted, and finally breathe a deep sigh and fall asleep against my leg. It’d be easier to let him go if he weren’t so dang sweet.

1. Avocados. Yup, I’m still obsessed with them, keep finding new ways to eat them, places to add them. They are one of those foods that as a kid I would have said “yuck,” and because of that just trusted I didn’t like them, but at some point tried them as an adult and thought, “what?! why didn’t anyone tell me of this deliciousness?!” The same thing happened with fresh tomatoes from my garden, spinach and brussel sprouts and oatmeal — love them now, hated them then.

2. Peonies. Yes, still. The season is just about over, and I have realized I need to get at least three or four more plants to put in my front yard to even begin to be satisfied next year.

3. A haircut and some highlights. It feels healthier, looks like summer.

4. Sitting in the backyard with Dexter and Sam on a day when it didn’t get to be as hot as predicted. I was feeling anxious and sad about a few things, felt like the world was just way too complicated for me and I needed a time out. Dexter wanted to play and Sam was guarding the yard from invisible squirrels. The birds and the butterflies, the blue sky and clouds, the shade of the trees and the soft green of the grass — I finally felt like I could breathe.

5. The way Dexter came in last night to invite me outside, where Sam and Eric were already, gave me that look, that smile, that wag of the tail, and as soon as I agreed, he ran full speed, making circles around the yard like a mad man, butt tucked and ears back, big smile on his face, just like when he was a puppy.

Bonus Joy: Another week with Dexter. Even as our time together is clearly winding down (he has been having a bloody nose about every three days, sounds a bit stuffed up, and the top of his nose is looking a little swollen), he still does all the things he does with so much joy.