Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

At 10 p.m. last night, when I should have been sleeping, I remembered I forgot to post my weekly gratitude list. It’s funny how that can happen, how you get so turned around in the best kind of way that you don’t even really know what day it is.

1. Cool weather. This has been the least hot summer, and I am fine with that.

2. Strawberry, peach, watermelon, cucumber, and tomato season. Yum.

3. Libraries. I am making an effort to not own so many books, and being able to find what I want at the library helps. The best is when I can find it at the Colorado State University library because as someone who is classified as faculty (although nontenured), I can check things out and keep them for a whole year if I want.

4. These two. Ringo is growing up and Sam is already grown and they get along so well. It’s getting easier again to have two, and two really is the right number for me.

5. Good friends. Coffee and conversation with one, a letter from another, and one with a birthday and pie.

Bonus Joy: My CSU office is still in boxes on the back of a truck somewhere, which keeps me from going back to work too soon, keeps me from feeling any guilt whatsoever about what needs done.

In today’s August Break prompt, Vivienne McMaster suggested,

I’d love to invite you to take a selfie today, in which you settle into your self. How does it feel in your body today? What is weighing heavy on your heart or what is making you smile today? What could you most use to hear today? Let’s put a hand to our heart, close our eyes, get quiet for a moment and tell ourselves that.

I didn’t want to take a selfie today. I’ve been fussing about it ever since I checked early this morning to see what was scheduled for today. I held my phone up to my face right away, but I looked so tired and the light was all wrong, so I decided to wait. I told myself to go to yoga first, shower first, read the email Susannah would send with the prompt first. Later I bargained with myself that I could just use one that I’d taken already, like maybe the one Eric liked so much, the one where he said “You should use this as your blog and profile picture. This is a beautiful pic. Seriously.”

Finally, I just decided to get it over with. I went into my meditation room, sat on the spot on the couch where Ringo has been curling up and napping in the morning, and did just what Vivienne suggested. I closed my eyes, put my hand to my heart, and told myself I didn’t need to try so hard. And this is the picture I took: tired, tender, unwashed, and unfiltered.