Gratitude Friday

atrium

The Eddy Hall atrium was wet and empty yesterday, but beautiful (I work on the third floor of this building)

I made a decision this week that since it was almost exactly a month until my birthday, I was going to spend the month celebrating, and without much effort on my part, every day since something really good has happened. I think it’s probably always true, I’m just paying closer attention right now, making sure. I want to share with you how that looked this past week, so the structure of this list is a bit different.

Saturday: I got a massage. I’ve been trying to get them more regularly because the issue in my foot travels up my body and everything is extra tense, out of wack. Massage really helps. I feel five pounds lighter every time, like I’m floating. It’s one of the things I have a hard time doing for myself, because it somehow seems like such a luxury, but in this case a massage is most certainly physical therapy, necessary.

Sunday: I took a three mile walk. It was so good to get back out with the dogs, to be outside. It felt so…normal. I made bran muffins, and I’m not sure exactly why (maybe because I used a different yogurt, maybe because I forgot to preheat the oven and they had to sit on the counter and wait to go in?), but they are one of the best batches I’ve ever made. I also roasted some butternut squash with olive oil and garlic — so good!

Monday: I took a sick day because I was feeling really tired, had no energy, just couldn’t make myself take a shower or put on real clothes, let alone leave the house, but that meant I got to nap and cuddle with the dogs, and that was awesome. I also got a really sweet package in the mail.

princessandthepea?

Tuesday: Maya Stein shared a poem that had been on Writer’s Almanac, “Want” by Carrie Fountain. It’s so beautiful, the reason for a word like swoon. Then I got an email inviting me to teach a writing class for Inky Path. So excited!

Wednesday: Had my last session with my therapist, took myself to lunch to celebrate, had coffee with a friend later in the day. We also finally turned the heat on. There’s something about the sound of the furnace running that is so comforting to me.

Thursday: Did work at CSU that felt more like my kind of work, was more creative and authentic and natural. It was the 22nd anniversary of Sarah McLachlan’s “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy” album, so I listened to it while I worked, reminded of how it was the soundtrack to the beginning of Eric and I’s marriage, how much we loved it and her, still do. We finally got the Honda back from the shop (just warranty work, nothing major), and one of the guys there asked if we were really selling it when we got a new car, asked how much we wanted for it — if he buys it, it will make things so much easier on us. Eric made homemade pizza for dinner, and after I was done eating, Ringo got up on the couch and cuddled with me.

Friday: I woke up to discover Adele had released a full video of her new song. She is so perfect. Her new album releases two days after my birthday. P.S. Mom, you know you are getting a copy of this for Christmas. 🙂

It was a good week. I hope you had one too, kind and gentle reader.

Three Truths and One Wish

mirrorme1. Truth: I posted this picture on Instagram last night, with the caption “Sometimes I feel so tired when it’s time for bed that I hang out in the bathroom on my phone for a bit just tryin to muster enough energy to brush my teeth. Don’t judge me. (P.S. I’ve made due, but I can’t wait for this pink bathroom to be redone).” All still true today.

2. Truth: It’s raining, and that’s bumming me out. I know it might seem especially crazy considering I spent the first 30-ish years of my life in the Pacific Northwest, and it hardly ever rains like this here, but rain makes me want to go back to bed and stay there.

3. Truth: I saw my therapist for the last time today, (unless I end up needing her again, which I’m not ruling out). She said all sorts of kind, encouraging, true things about me, and all I could manage to say in response was “thank you.” It was the most true thing, the most complete thing I could say.

One wish: That even if you are almost too tired to brush your teeth or it’s raining and you are sad or you are saying goodbye to someone or something important and you don’t know exactly how to do that or what to say, you feel gratitude deep in your bones for all of it — tender and terrible, beautiful and brutal — and you don’t ever, ever give up.