1. Morning walks. Everything is so green, the trees getting leaves, other things blooming, the landscape changing again, the geese and ducks and foxes having babies, the osprey hunting and nesting, the turtles out where you can see them, the robins and meadowlarks returning, the river fast and full of snow melt from the mountains. It brings me such comfort, such joy to know a place so well, to know what is coming and when, to see things make subtle shifts with time. These trails, this water are as much home to me as the house I live in.
2. May. It’s a strange month — everything is coming awake, alive, and yet it’s also a month of loss. My friend Kelly, my grandma, and Sam all died in May. It’s also the month the lilacs bloom. Life is like this. I told my therapist this week that “I’m not okay and I’m also totally fine,” both/and. Today is the 12th anniversary of Kelly’s passing. She was beloved by so many, including me, and her loss broke so many hearts — and completely changed my life, saved it. Her passing lit up my life and made me see it in a way I hadn’t — precious and temporary. She’s one of the reasons I haven’t given up, and I miss her so much. I’m so grateful, so lucky to have known and loved her, and it’s still sometimes so hard to believe she’s really gone for good. “When we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind,” ~Unknown.
Kelly and baby Ari
3. Support, in particular the assistance I get from my therapist and nutritionist. Loving and feeding myself shouldn’t be so hard, but it is, and I’m grateful for the help.
4. The sky. Every morning, one of the first things I do is step outside and look up at the sky. It changes but it’s constant, and wherever I am all I have to do is look up.
5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. Eric is officially on summer break now and I am loving how attached to me Ringo got over the past few months. He’s finally my dog just as much as he’s Eric’s, which is more important now that there’s only one dog.
Bonus joy: making art with Calyx, texting with Mom and Chris and Chloe’, good TV, how soft new grass is, how many blooms are on my lilacs this year (because for once there were no late freezes or storms to beat them up), eggs, our whole house fan, toast, clean water to drink and shower in, listening to podcasts, naps, good books, poetry, clean laundry, clean sheets, my weighted blanket, wool and down, birds in the feeder, yellow, meditation practice, writing in the morning, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.
3. It’s Time to Rage on The New York Times by Roxane Gay. “Without the right to abortion, women are forced to make terrible choices. These burdens disproportionately fall upon poor and working-class women without the means to travel across state lines to receive the care they need. Despite promises from the anti-abortion movement to support pregnant women and children, the ‘pro-life’ lobby appears to be invested only in the unborn. The same mostly male politicians who oppose abortion so often do everything in their power to oppose rights to paid parental leave, subsidized child care, single-payer health care or any kind of social safety net that could improve family life.” In related news, Here’s how Americans can fight back to protect abortion rights by Rebecca Solnit. Also, this site is helpful for directing your help: Abortion Funds in Every State. And, check out this Twitter feed that gives some answers to the questions “what do we do now/how do I help?”
11. Roxane Gay Brief But Spectacular take on effective ways of being heard. “Roxane Gay has used writing as a means to untangle and communicate her own trauma since childhood. Now a successful author, professor and mentor to many, she advises young women and aspiring writers on how to harness their voices. Gay shares her Brief But Spectacular take on effective ways of being heard.”
12. Karine Jean-Pierre will become White House’s 1st Black press secretary. “She will be the first Black press secretary in White House history and the first openly gay person in this high-profile role, speaking for both the president and the U.S. government in press briefings that are watched by the world.”
13. New Study Shows Trans Youth Are Extremely Unlikely to Detransition. “94% of trans youth in the sample identified as trans five years later.” Compare that to the “success” of dieting: “In a meta-analysis of 29 long-term weight loss studies, more than half of the lost weight was regained within two years, and by five years more than 80% of lost weight was regained.”
18. Dementia Made a New Man Out of My Dad. “Raised in Apartheid-era South Africa, my mixed-race father had no shortage of scars. But as dementia overpowered his brain, I met a man I never knew existed.”
20. In Grief Is How We Live Nowon The New York Times. “Any therapist will tell you that death is not the only occasion for grief. We can mourn the loss of anything to which we have become attached: a pet, a job, a home, a way of life. In bereavement, what is best about us — our ability to love — becomes the source of our suffering. It’s a wonder that all grief isn’t prolonged and that anyone is able to love again rather than wander through life stunned by its cruelty. And it’s surprising that anyone actually believes that there are stages and time limits to grief or that we know enough about how it works to know what to expect of it.”
23. New Report: The global decline in democracy has accelerated. “Freedom in the World 2021 finds that the annual gap between losses and gains widened in 2020, and fewer than a fifth of the world’s people now live in fully Free countries.”
25. Detox Your Mind: 5 Practices to Purify the 3 Poisonson Lion’s Roar. “Five Buddhist teachers share practices to clear away the poisons that cause suffering and obscure your natural enlightenment. Introduction by Lion’s Roar’s editor-in-chief Melvin Mcleod.”
30. 103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known. “Today is my birthday. I turn 70. I’ve learned a few things so far that might be helpful to others. For the past few years, I’ve jotted down bits of unsolicited advice each year and much to my surprise I have more to add this year. So here is my birthday gift to you all: 103 bits of wisdom I wish I had known when I was young.”
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 