Category Archives: Time

Taking My Time

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I’m in this strange space, this odd state today. It feels a bit like being hungover or jet lagged. I think it’s actually World Domination Summit love lag, a possibility hangover accompanied by waves of wonder and magic aftershocks that has brought about a sabbath, a day of rest that fell midweek.

I’m exhausted, existing in a whole other time zone, another reality. All I could manage today was walking the dogs, a shower, eating, and a long nap. This kind of day used to send me into fits. I’d power past the tired and overwhelm, keep working anyway, to the point of collapse or illness, chanting “have to, should, must, already wasted too much time.” I’d drag myself, push and pull and bully and smash myself to bits to get from this moment to the next, not stopping until I’d reached the goal, which I never did because I was always adding more things, having more ideas, creating more tasks for myself.

which way is up?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?
~Josh Pais (by way of Danielle LaPorte)

This goal thinking, this endless to-do list, this rush toward the real thing, the important moment, the big accomplishment, the grasping and reaching is exactly the thing that wastes time. It denies this moment, the one I’m in now. Denies my need for rest, to go more slowly, to ruminate and contemplate, to enjoy the ride. It says “hurry up” when I want to lollygag, fool around, dawdle. It rushes to get somewhere else when I long to be here, now.

So for today, I’m allowing myself to take it easy, to go slow, to accept that even if it means I miss out on something, it’s okay. Because what I definitely won’t miss is this moment. It’s all there is, and that’s such a gift, because in this moment there is the sound of the ocean and bird song, sun and a light breeze, two soft and sleepy dogs resting at my feet, my boy on his way to the store to buy vanilla ice cream to go with the peach cobbler he made while I napped, the tap of my finger on the keys and words to string together, and you, dear reader, to tell all this to. There is love and there is time, and that’s more than enough.

I am enough.

what tired looks like

Gratitude Friday

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This post is a mashup of The Little Bliss List and Joy Jam, and as such is meant to celebrate: the little things that brought me hope and happiness this week, the sweet stuff of life, those small gifts that brought me joy this week. By sharing them, I not only make public my gratitude, but maybe also help you notice your own good stuff and send some positive energy out into the world.

1. Peonies. Can’t…get…enough…of…them.

2. Running. This is going to seem confusing to those of you who know how much I hate running. However, my friend Niight challenged a group of us to commit to 30 days of every other day either one mile of running or 20 minutes of yoga, and since I already do at least four yoga classes a week, and I’d wanted to start running again, this was a good opportunity to get some support for it. And it’s really working.

The plan is to run at least one mile on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday (the dogs are very supportive of this idea). We have a Facebook group where we post our progress (or complain, or whine, or bitch and moan–but maybe that’s just me?), and it makes a big difference knowing you’ll be checking in. I told them yesterday that “I was met by resistance, reluctance, revolt, refusal, and rage this morning…did…not…want…to…run. But I did, and then, just because I did, I ran some more, almost an extra mile. Why? Because I knew if I didn’t run, I’d have to come here and tell you that, and that might lead to stopping altogether.”

3. Corn on the cob. We had our first of barbeque season this week, and it was so good! Eaten over the sink, no waiting, just like it should be.

4. Hard goodbyes. I had to do one of these this week, but I am comforted in knowing that it was hard because we love each other so much, enjoy each others company, and are sad that we’ll be seeing each other much less now. When it’s hard to say goodbye, that’s a good thing, something to be grateful for, because it means there is love.

5. Vacation. Time off my paid work to spend time on my own work, time to relandscape the front yard, to nap, to hang out with Eric and the dogs, to clean and declutter (okay, so I haven’t done much of that yet), to sit in a lawn chair in the backyard with a book, to stay in my pjs for the whole day.

Bonus joy: I got a spot for Susannah Conway’s book event at Kelly Rae Robert’s Studio in July. There were only 35 spots, so this is precious. And it almost makes up for not being able to attend her event in Boston hosted by the adorable Susan Piver.