Category Archives: Three Truths and One Wish

Three Truths and One Wish

A Secret: I think today’s Three Truths and One Wish might just be a Something Good post in disguise, and it’s all about the love, Baby.

poster gift from Patti Digh to her mailing list

1. Truth: All the love you need, you already have. No need to look outside yourself, no reason to wait for someone to save you, no need to attach to any person, program, or possession–none of that, none of them, will give you anything you don’t already have. You are not a hole to be filled or wound to be healed, you are not empty or broken. You are enough, just as you are, and your fundamental nature is basic goodness, wisdom and love.

When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space. ~Pema Chödrön

Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself. ~Rumi

2. Truth: You are your own soul mate, the love of your life. There’s not some magic other half “out there” that will complete you, save you, make your life happy and safe, make you whole–(see truth #1). Yes, you might find a mate, a good and healthy match for you the enriches your life in so many ways, but it won’t fix everything, and it will bring struggle and suffering of its own. YOU are the only one who will always love you, be with you from birth to death, who knows just how to love you and give you exactly what you need.

You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck!
~Rumi

3. Truth: No one will ever love you like you do. If you aren’t utterly head over heels in love with yourself, if you aren’t showing yourself that level of attention and care, make changing that your mission. Whatever you want, whatever you need or feel is missing, figure out how you can give that to yourself. If you are waiting for someone to give you the love you need and deserve, stop waiting and love yourself.

Learning how to be kind to ourselves, learning how to respect ourselves, is important. The reason it’s important is that, fundamentally, when we look into our own hearts and begin to discover what is confused and what is brilliant, what is bitter and what is sweet, it isn’t just ourselves that we’re discovering. We’re discovering the universe. ~Pema Chödrön

Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love. ~Rumi

One Wish: If you aren’t already completely committed to loving yourself, that you discover that wonder, that strength, that wisdom, that joy, that contentment in your life, quickly and without obstacle. I wish this for myself as well, that I not only intellectually accept these three truths, but that I embody them, manifest self-love in my life, and that in turn, I am able to give love to the world.

What is love?

A few loving things you might consider doing for yourself, with yourself today that have the potential to generate more love in the world:

:: Read Daniel Collinsworth’s post on Kind Over Matter, “Random Acts of Unconditional Love,” in which he proposes “making it a day of random acts of unconditional love — small gestures of kindness for all the people you interact with throughout your day.”

:: Watch this video that Daniel shared at the end of his post. I watched it, and it made my whole day. So, even if you don’t read his post, trust me that it will be worth your time and watch this video, (but really, I think you should read his post too).

:: Join the “Generosity Day” Cause, “We’re rebooting Valentine’s Day as Generosity Day: one day of sharing love with everyone, of being generous to everyone, to see how it feels and to practice saying ‘Yes.’ Let’s make the day about love, action and human connection – because we can do better than smarmy greeting cards, overpriced roses, and stressed-out couples trying to create romantic meals on the fly.”

:: Read The Last Thing We Want To Do Is Love” by Fiona Robyn at Writing Our Way Home:

image from Fiona's post

“In the midst of total uncertainty, we can love.” This is what Terrance Keenan has to say. He doesn’t say, we can feel that we are loved. He says, we can love.

Easier said than done. When there isn’t any ground under our feet, when we feel we’re being let down by people and situations and the whole world, the LAST thing we want to do is love.

And yet…What is the alternative? Closing down. Putting up walls. Looking after ourselves. Not seeing the pain of the other, not being softened by the pain of others, not dissolving into scary sweetness…

It happens to be Valentine’s Day today, which is mostly a contrived commercial holiday that is a pale, weak substitute for the full measure of love and generosity we are capable of, so on this day, instead of flowers or chocolate, live up to the full potential of your vulnerable, tender, brave, wide open heart. Gentleness is your superpower. You are a warrior of wisdom and kindness–act like it.

calligraphy by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Three Truths and One Wish

The past few days, I have been stuck in worry and fear. I’m not as much of a worrier as I used to be. About thirteen years ago, I was having panic attacks and diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, so I know worry. Now the panic attacks are gone and I don’t worry that much (meditation, yoga, writing, and my dogs all contributed to the “fix”)–and yet, every once in a while, for some reason, my mind gets hooked by something and I find myself trapped in discursive thought, like my brain is on this giant hamster wheel, running and running with no rest.

1. Truth: When we are stuck in worry, in fear, it’s hard to see our way out. These negative thoughts and emotions, this place where our mind anticipates and attempts to avoid potential threats is sticky and deep. The power of our imagination fueled by panic and anxiety and fear is able to generate monsters and situations we can almost touch they seem so real. Worry and fear manifest in our bodies, generate stress, can sometimes even take us from dis-ease to actual disease. Our limbic brain takes over and all it knows is fight, flight, or freeze. Sometimes all we can do is sit with it, stay with it, give it our full attention until it passes, dissolves, releases us from its grip.

artwork by kristin noelle of trust tending

2. Truth: Worry is wasted. It makes us experience awful things that may never actually happen. I read somewhere that worrying is like praying for the things you don’t want.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” ~Corrie ten Boom

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” ~Dalai Lama

3. Truth: The real source of all worry, all our fear, is the Big Bad. What’s the Big Bad? Everything changes, and we all are going to die. This worry, this anxiety, this truth is what’s underneath every worry we generate. If we can somehow accept, even make friends with the Big Bad, the other worries fade, dissolve, because when we accept the realities of change and death, we can embrace and embody our life, we can live. I know, I know: easier said than done, but we have to try, because the fear can keep us frozen or numb, or both–and that is not living.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~Siddhārtha Gautama

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” ~Steve Jobs

One wish: That we can all be kind and gentle with ourselves when we worry, when we are afraid, and then, quickly and with ease, be released from worry, let go of our anxiety, relax and return to joy and gratitude, to life in the present moment.

Mindfulness practices, such as yoga and meditation and art making, are very effective for making peace with the Big Bad, for coping with anxiety and fear and worry. Here are a few other things written about worry that you might find helpful: