Three Truths and One Wish

A warning for you, kind and gentle reader: this post is completely and utterly unplanned. When I realized this morning that it was Tuesday, but that I also was two days behind on Reverb12, I thought there was no way this post was going to happen. I had no idea what I wanted to say (this is pretty typical) and Eric walked the dogs for me this morning, so that strategy for coming up with something wasn’t going to happen, and I wrote off this post. And then, just a little while ago, thinking about maybe starting to work on my second reverb post, my fingers started itching to tell some truth, so here we are…who knows what’s going to happen.

1. Truth: Waiting for your life to happen, for the magic to work itself, for your fairy godmother to arrive and fix everything is a bad plan. Your invitation isn’t in the mail, an owl isn’t going to show up to take you to Hogwarts, you don’t need another degree or a fancy set of letters after your name, you shouldn’t wait until you’ve lost 10 pounds or have more money or time. If you are waiting for something to happen, stop waiting and happen.

2. Truth: Resisting, refusing, or even running away from the thing you know you want, the work you long for, the experience you dream of, the life you’ve always wanted generates suffering. That suffering grows in equal measure to your denial, your rejection. That hunger will demand to be fed by something, that longing will find satisfaction somehow, and as Brene’ Brown says, “Unused creativity is not benign. It turns into grief, judgement and shame.” Unexpressed love becomes toxic, turns to poison.

3. Truth: You can start now, you should. There is nothing else you need to wait for, nothing can stop you from taking that first step. The obstacles have no real power, you may begin, you can start now, start over now, take one tiny step. If you need permission, here it is: Go ahead. This is who you are meant to be. You know what to do. Deep breath and go.

One wish: That you know, from this moment on, that what Tulku Thondop says is true, “Every person has a unique view, need, and ability,” and you realize that because this is true, the world needs you, we need you to manifest your ability, embody your unique view, the world needs you to open your heart and give your gift. If you don’t, it will be lost to us forever. Do what you came here to do. We are all counting on it.

1. Truth: I was going to skip this post today. This week has been insanely busy, overwhelming, and it’s only Tuesday. I got my hair cut yesterday and fell asleep in the chair. There is so much to do–Reverb12 posts to write, grading to do, appointments that need made, meetings to attend, doggy health issues that need addressed–I woke up with a headache and there is work work work to get done, so much to stress and fuss about, the familiar mantra repeating with each step, “I’m so tired, I’m so tired,” and yet when I walked the dogs this morning, three ideas arose, spoke their truth, insisted on being shared.

2. Because I already have so much to worry about, I haven’t been worrying about Dexter. He’s been having good day after good day with hardly any symptoms of his cancer, so with so much other muck and mayhem, it’s easy to forget he’s still dying, that this is a season of good-bye.

3. This means when Dexter finally does start to get worse, I will have to restart the letting go. It won’t be entirely new, but it will have to start again, to begin again, I will have to revisit the grief, the tangibility of his loss, have to face it again, anew, like waking up from sleep, having forgotten the bad thing has happened, only to have that awareness touch you, remind you, surprise you with it’s immediacy and weight, even after all this time, fresh and raw.

One wish: that no matter how busy or overwhelmed or stressed out or tired or sad we might be, that we can feel some relief, some measure of ease, even if only for a few breaths, even if for only a single moment, that we can stop and recognize the gift of life, that we can love and appreciate it, all of it, beautiful and brutal, tender and terrible.