Project Reverb prompt: “It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others. How did you take care of yourself in 2014? How will you take care of yourself in 2015?”

The ways I took care of myself in 2014: I stopped starving myself, stopped dieting and restricting, and stopped weighing myself, all in an effort to stop hating my body, to quit trying to force it to look and move and behave the way other people wanted, expected. I continued therapy for my disordered eating, which is never just about the food. I risked making other people uncomfortable by being myself. I gave away less — less money, less time, less effort, less worry, less attention, less of myself. I was a little bit better about resting, allowing myself down time, not expecting so much of myself. I trained to be a yoga teacher and I was not a perfect student. I “lowered the bar” in all the ways I could find to do so. I asked for help. I rejected external expectations and judgments. I tried to let go of my agenda whenever I could. I let myself cry and fall apart, but I didn’t move in and live there. I studied and practiced. I said yes. I said no. I took vows. I said I was sorry. I stopped apologizing for myself. I ate what I wanted, wore what I wanted, did what I wanted. I made room for myself, created space. I showered. I flossed. I drank lots of water. I took supplements. I read more books and took more naps. I explained exactly what I needed to feel loved.

The ways I’ll take care of myself in 2015: I will continue to discover and practice what it means to be truly healthy and well, even when it goes against the expectation of others. I will be my own expert, guru, healer. I will seek help and support when and where I need it. I will move the way I want to move, the way that brings me joy and makes me feel good. I will continue to forgive myself. I will be gentle and generous. I will listen deeply. I will keep my heart open. I will be my own soft place to land. I will feel what I feel but not feed it. I will feed my true hungers. I won’t abandon myself.

Reverb14 prompt: “As you enter into the new year, what would you like to do/make/have/be more often? How will you bear witness and celebrate the tiny milestones? How will you respond on the occasions when your intentions do not come to pass?”

More: reading, rest, naps, ease, courage, openness, wisdom, kindness, laughter, cooking, hiking, love, publishing, teaching, connection.

The best way I can bear witness and celebrate: to pause. To take a moment to be fully present and still, to not move forward until I have fully noticed and honored my experience.

I will respond with gentleness and forgiveness when my intentions don’t manifest, when things don’t go how I imagined or planned or expected. I will let go, drop my agenda, surrender my expectations with an understanding that sometimes Life knows the way better than I do.

Project Reverb prompt: “Who was your hero this year? Tell us why. What makes a hero in your eyes?”

My hero this year was ME. What I was able to accomplish and withstand this year (the past few years really) is pretty amazing. I was my own champion, protector, advocate, defender, guardian, angel.

When I first read this prompt, that’s the answer that immediately arose, but I laughed and kept looking. I thought, “how arrogant would it be to answer I’d been my own hero?” and kept contemplating the prompt. I was thinking about people who have supported me in the past few years, and Rachel Cole and the book club I did with her came to mind, so I checked my calendar, unable to remember if that was this year or last. That led to looking at my schedule, seeing all the things I’d done in the past year, specifically yoga teacher training and getting a new puppy and trying to figure out what was wrong with Sam, along with everything else that I do, all the other difficulties.

I carried myself through this year. I provided support, made sure I had the help I needed, was my own soft place to land. Sure there were lots of people who helped and loved me, but I was always there, through it all, ready to do whatever was necessary — I never abandoned myself.

Reverb14 prompt: “The hectic pace of our lives can make it difficult to remain connected to the things and the people that matter the most to us. We get wrapped up in our work or our busyness and connection falls by the wayside. How have you created and/or sustained connections in your life this year?”

I have regular dates with friends. I make sure to spend the time face to face. I’m very selective about who these people are, and I am uplifted by our time together. They are smart and funny and kind. However, as an HSP introvert who is very busy, I don’t have the space or energy to give this to very many people. And yet, I have many other relationships that are very real which I sustain through technology both old and new — letters, phone calls, texts, emails, Skype, social media. These connections are a different flavor, but just as real — for example, my connection to a sangha through the Open Heart Project.

With my tiny family, I make sure my evenings and weekends are typically free so we can spend that time together. I’ve also had to learn to sustain a connection to those I’ve lost or see very rarely, and that has taught me that even if you never see them again, the relationship and the love remains as long as you remember, as long as you keep a place in your heart for them. Things like metta practice and prayer, simply taking a moment to think about someone and send them love maintains a connection.