Category Archives: Reverb14

Reverb 14: Day 17

reverb14withtextProject Reverb prompt: “What sort of work did you do in 2014? Was it new to you? Did you take on new responsibilities? Change jobs? Or take on a new task at home?”

This past year, my job at CSU shifted. I became the Communications Coordinator for the English Department. Some of what I do is the same as before, but I am also now in charge of a department blog and other various departmental communications, with two interns to help me. It’s been a nice change, a perfect blending of what I’m good at and what they need.

I also became a yoga instructor. Even though I’ve practiced for eight years now and been a teacher of other things for almost 15 years, teaching yoga was something altogether new. What makes it so fundamentally different is the way it embodies what I’m teaching. Sure I could teach just by leading with my words and walking around the room giving adjustments, but typically I’m practicing right along with my students, a living example of the poses. Considering the body issues I’ve been working with recently, this was a big challenge, a good opportunity, a chance to practice self-compassion.

Reverb14 prompt: “How can you stop being an a**hole, get out of your own way and make room for more of your magic to happen in 2015?”

I can stop pushing myself. It’s ironic to give that answer since in giving it, in this very moment I’m pushing myself. I’ve had a really rough week (my father-in-law almost died and my husband flew to Oregon to be with him and his mom, who after 21 years of marriage are my parents too), and with an unexpected shift to being responsible for everything at home and the stress of not knowing what was going to happen in a week when I already had way too much to do has worn me down. I’m so tired today and have been hungry for lunch for at least an hour, but I keep pushing myself to get just a few more things done. It’s a way of living that just isn’t sustainable and I need to stop before I crash — check myself before I wreck myself. It’s essential that I slow down to get more done, which is a complete paradigm shift from my current “go faster, do more, keep going” model.

Reverb14: Day 16

reverb14withtextProject Reverb prompt: “There’s the old saying that a photo is worth 1,000 words.  Give us a photo with that impact that sums up some significant event of your 2014, or give us 1,000 words about a pivotal moment in 2014.”

Reverb14 prompt: “Like many folks, I picture myself as a modern day Wonder Woman, trying to use my superpowers, to do lists and pure force to get what I want. In 2014, I found that my effort wasn’t often tied to my desired outcomes — except when it was. In 2015, is there something you’d like to try harder at because you believe it would make all the difference? Conversely, what is something you could stop trying so hard at that might actually help you manifest what you’d like?”

I’m going to try harder to be well, to be a better friend to myself. This involves so many things. It means taking care of my physical health. It means eating well. It means moving my body. It means resting and getting enough sleep. It means practicing. It means prioritizing myself in a way I just haven’t. It means trusting myself. It means listening, fully and deeply. it means slowing down and being still. Being well, healthy and strong and sane, will directly impact what I have to offer. What I have to give will be better, more helpful if it has a strong foundation of self-compassion.

What I’m going to stop trying so hard to do is push, perform, please. No more poverty mentality, no more idiot compassion. I just can’t anymore. It’s not sustainable, and it doesn’t feel good. There isn’t anyone who wants me to wreck myself in order to give something away.