Project Reverb prompt: “Five Moments | Tell us about five moments you don’t want to forget from 2013.”

1. When Dexter came out that last day. I was sitting on the back step, Eric was playing in the yard with Sam, and Dexter had spent most of the morning in his crate, not feeling good at all. He came out, tail wagging, and stood on my leg, wanting me to pet him, which he hadn’t really wanted earlier. It was a brief moment of peace in an otherwise awful day. The sun was shining and we were together. Everything was okay.
2. Dancing to “Amazing” by One EskimO in Laurie’s front yard. Looking up at the sky and knowing.

3. Reading my second dohā at a retreat with Susan Piver. A dohā is a “spontaneous song of enlightenment,” a poem that comes to you without planning. I wrote my first at my first retreat with Susan, a collection of lines I’d written down as I took notes over the weekend that on the final morning clearly formed a poem when collected together. I didn’t want to force it on that second retreat, even though I hoped it would happen again, and it did.
4. Being called “obese” by someone who was supposed to be helping me. The surge of feeling that came in that moment, the deep knowing that she was wrong, the disappointment that she hadn’t seen or heard me, couldn’t help me, followed by the certainty that I knew what to do, that I was my own expert, that I’d save myself, aware that somehow I had always known that.
5. The Blue Lake hike I took with Eric and Sam. Knowing I could hike ten miles, not because I’d been sure at the start but because I did it.

Project Reberb prompt: “Covet | What did you covet this year? Are you working towards getting that or just admiring it from afar? Is it a tangible thing or just an idea? Tell us about what you’ve got your sights on.”

I covet a certain life, a specific kind of “making a living.” People like Rachel Cole, Andrea Scher, Laurie Wagner, Susannah Conway (etc., etc. — I could list so many others) are doing it, living it. Teaching, writing, making art, coaching — doing creative and healing work that eases suffering.

It’s a blend of process and offering that lines up exactly with what I value, my mission, what works for me. You show up, practice, are in the process, allowing whatever arises, staying curious and open, telling the truth, and out of that comes something useful and helpful and sometimes even beautiful. There is ease, but it also requires bravery.

I am absolutely working towards this, every day. I practice, I study and train, I keep my heart open. The parts I can see, am sure of are the Self-Compassion Saturday ebook, the book that will come after that, at least five ecourses that are in the works, yoga teacher training which leads to a particular in person workshop I have in mind, a new puppy, a trip to the beach, more healing, clearing space.

Maybe the biggest obstacle is patience. All these things take time, energy & effort, and require that I pace myself so I don’t burn out.

After journaling about this, I pulled a tarot card. In relation to what I’d written, it made perfect sense. Nine of Wands, “Strength, Stamina, Confidence,” a card that essentially says hang in there, don’t lose faith, all your hard work is about to pay off. It was also extra sweet that the image looks sort of like a Christmas tree.

Merry, Merry, kind and gentle reader. No matter how you are spending this day, may you find peace and know love.