Project Reverb | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

Project Reverb prompt: “Did you have an “ah ha” moment this year? Was it a big one? Or just a small enlightenment?”

My life is one “ah ha” moment after another, sometimes with moments of stillness between but other times rapid fire, one after the other in quick succession with barely any time to process one before another comes. That has a lot to do with me, with my perspective. I am open to it, waiting for it, expecting it. I am constantly looking for meaning, studying, watching and listening, wanting to figure things out. This year I realized I can’t do all the things, that my current approach is unsustainable. I became a beginner again and found that there’s so much to learn from that position, so much I can offer by being there. I was reminded that my focus, my foundation has to be self-compassion in order to do what I came here to do. Practice is essential, the only dependable constant. And all that matters or means anything is love, love, love.

Reverb14 prompt: “In the busyness of the everyday, taking time to nourish the soul doesn’t reach the top of the ‘to do’ list as often as it should. What nourishes your soul? How would you like to incorporate more of this into your life in 2015?”

The origin of the word nourish is a Latin word that means both to feed and to cherish. Spoiler alert: nourish is my word for 2015. I’m going to seek out nourishment in every aspect of my life. As for my soul, there is a lot of reading, studying, writing to do in order to foster a connection to my inherent wisdom, compassion, and power, seated in my soul. Kindness and gentleness in the form of forgiveness, self-compassion, quiet and stillness and rest are also a way to incorporate more nourishment into my life in the next year. And practice, as always, is at the center of it all.

Programming note: I am leaving late this afternoon for Shambhala Mountain Center to do a writing and meditation retreat with my dear friend and meditation instructor Susan Piver. The internet connection on “the land” is pretty sketchy, so I’ll be taking the next few days off, back to blogging either late Sunday or Monday, catching up then with the Reverb days I missed. Have a wonderful weekend, kind and gentle reader. I adore you. ❤

Project Reverb prompt: “What sort of work did you do in 2014? Was it new to you? Did you take on new responsibilities? Change jobs? Or take on a new task at home?”

This past year, my job at CSU shifted. I became the Communications Coordinator for the English Department. Some of what I do is the same as before, but I am also now in charge of a department blog and other various departmental communications, with two interns to help me. It’s been a nice change, a perfect blending of what I’m good at and what they need.

I also became a yoga instructor. Even though I’ve practiced for eight years now and been a teacher of other things for almost 15 years, teaching yoga was something altogether new. What makes it so fundamentally different is the way it embodies what I’m teaching. Sure I could teach just by leading with my words and walking around the room giving adjustments, but typically I’m practicing right along with my students, a living example of the poses. Considering the body issues I’ve been working with recently, this was a big challenge, a good opportunity, a chance to practice self-compassion.

Reverb14 prompt: “How can you stop being an a**hole, get out of your own way and make room for more of your magic to happen in 2015?”

I can stop pushing myself. It’s ironic to give that answer since in giving it, in this very moment I’m pushing myself. I’ve had a really rough week (my father-in-law almost died and my husband flew to Oregon to be with him and his mom, who after 21 years of marriage are my parents too), and with an unexpected shift to being responsible for everything at home and the stress of not knowing what was going to happen in a week when I already had way too much to do has worn me down. I’m so tired today and have been hungry for lunch for at least an hour, but I keep pushing myself to get just a few more things done. It’s a way of living that just isn’t sustainable and I need to stop before I crash — check myself before I wreck myself. It’s essential that I slow down to get more done, which is a complete paradigm shift from my current “go faster, do more, keep going” model.