Category Archives: Middle Path

Three Truths and One Wish

I took a slightly different approach to this post today, (rather than thinking and fussing about it, rejecting and revising, until the perfect idea magically appears–not that there’s anything wrong with that approach. I’ll probably return to it next week): Last week, two of my favorite people, Susan Piver (of the Open Heart Project) and Patti Digh (of 37 Days), put together The Week of Inward Looking, “7 questions from 7 teachers to help you contemplate your way across the finish line into 2012.” The people involved guaranteed it would be a meaningful experience, and it was.

So my idea for today was initially to “cheat” a little and give you seven truths I’d gleaned from the week of prompts, but what I realized as I worked with the questions is that the truth I was getting at was not staying neatly organized, one unique truth per prompt, but rather it was all tangled up and everything was connected. The prompts were about body, shadows, organization, serving, creativity, spirituality, and on being an artist.  My answers kept circling around the same truths. They are:

1. Truth: Health means tending to heart-mind, body, and spirit. These may not each need equal time or effort, but balance definitely needs to be maintained.

For example, as an academic (my paid work) and an artist (my calling), it’s easy to spend too much time in my “head.” I have thought of my body as simply a vehicle for my consciousness, like a car, and I’ve only provided the most basic of maintenance to keep it running. As such, I often view my body as a problem. It needs cared for and tended–showers, food, sleep, exercise, etc.–attention that is an interruption, an irritation.

Because of this, I also see my body as a disappointment–why is it so weak, so fat, so tired? I smash it to bits for not keeping up, for making me look bad. I have been disembodied. Even after practicing yoga and meditation and dog (which requires much walking and “body-ness”) for so many years, I still treat my body as my enemy. When it attempts to communicate reality, I do what I can to distract it or deny it.

It’s only been in the last four months that I started to realize I can’t continue this way. I am instead actively sinking into my body, giving it equal time, enough time, accepting it as the oracle it is–my direct connection to what’s really happening. Being in my body means being anchored in the present moment, the place where my life is.

To be healthy, we all have to find our middle path, our middle way, and fully and wholeheartedly embody our life, tending as necessary to our heart-mind, body, and spirit, and maintaining balance.

2. Truth: Being the best version of your true self is being fully awake and alive, and YOU are necessary.

image by dan, freedigitalphotos.net

“We are so accustomed to disguising our true nature from others, that we end up disguising it from ourselves,” (La Rochefoucauld). When you hide who you are, or try to change it to please others, you can end up getting so good at it, you forget who you are, and that isn’t living.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others,” (from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson).

And yet, the choice to be authentic is difficult. In an article in the January 2011 issue of fear.less magazine, the author Steven Pressfield (“The War of Art”) says “I think we’re all terrified of that, to be what we’re meant to be. Because then all the responsibility lays on us and we can’t hide behind anything.”

Maybe worse yet, if we are trying to do what we think others want or need from us or what they are comfortable with, it hurts when they don’t accept or love us, but if we are wholeheartedly being “ME”–the very best and brightest we have to offer–and they don’t accept or love us…that’s a whole other level of hurt. And yet, we must open up to it, tell the truth of who we are, and welcome whatever comes after, because it at least will be real.

“Who you are is infinite; you are a child of The Uni-verse and you have been sent here with a specific gift that is only yours to express. The events that happen, happen to shape us, to mold us and to help us step into who we are supposed to be. You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed. You are eternal and a part of a living Uni-verse that supports you. Give us your gift,” (from The Daily Love).

As Oscar Wilde so simply put it you should “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Come out of the shadows. Stop hiding your light. We need you. You need you.

3. Truth: You are the only one stopping yourself from having the life you long for, and you have to get out of your own way.

If you are waiting for something to happen, stop waiting and happen. Write that shitty first draft, paint the picture no one else will care about but you, consider what you “long to say with your life” and say it. Stop waiting for rescue and save yourself. Create and do for yourself because it feels better than doing nothing. Wake up, open up. Be brave. Make something meaningful and share it. You have the chance to heal and help, to touch and transform the heart. Save yourself. Be willing to fail, to fall, and when you do, get back up, try again–no matter how many times the wave knocks you down, don’t give up, giving up means drowning.

One wish: I wish for all of us gentleness, kindness, and bravery as we enter into 2012. I wish them in the way that Susan Piver describes them “gentleness (defined as opening to and accepting yourself from moment to moment, feeling what you feel without judgment or agenda), kindness (feeling, knowing, and acting as if all beings are just like me in that they seek love and happiness), and bravery (inviting my fears, confusion, and personal nuttiness as part of the path).”

What I’ve Learned on this Vacation


Having time off from my paid work, time at home and away, is such a gift. Sinking in to that space allows me to be wholly mindful in a way that I don’t seem to manage otherwise, and I learn so much from it.

I committed myself this week to doing a whole “Review, Reflect, and Resolve” project, but found myself getting irritated, and tired, and frustrated, and anxious–not at all the experience I’d expected. It was taking too long, wasn’t going as smoothly as I had imagined, and I felt scattered and unfocused–until I realized why: I have been blogging about my “life rehab” here, and this has been an ongoing process of reviewing, reflecting, and resolving my life. I have already taken steps, I am already doing the work, and there’s no need to separate that out as a special, isolated practice because it is, all of it, MY LIFE.

And yet, it’s good to be clear and mindful, about who you are, what you value, where your particular strengths are, what you have to offer, how you can help, and what you want your life to look like. And when you are connected directly to that, when you absolutely embody who you are and what you value, there’s no need to make any other special statement about it. Instead you simply sink into it and rest–it’s where you live. As Leo Babauta suggested in his post “Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge,” we can let go of goals and projects and improvement, and “instead…be happy with ourselves,” what he calls a “revolution of contentment.”

I didn’t completely abandon my review, reflect, and resolve, but I have reframed it. I am putting pages into the 2012 weekly planner Eric got me to be able to carry a physical reminder with me, of who I am and what I value and what I hope to manifest. I am so excited for the possibility and transformation of the new year, and think this “book” I am making will remind and inspire me when I need it. What I’ve learned while being on vacation is that to approach a year of “retreat,” I need to remember the qualities of retreat I hope to manifest: practice, balance, rest, and transformation.

I’ve been reminded that I need to make time to tend my body: eat, shower, sleep, exercise, meditate, do yoga, walk with the dogs, spend time with Eric.

I’ve been reminded that I need to make time to tend to my spirit: meditate, do yoga, walk with my dogs, study and read, be creative, write.

I’ve been reminded that I need to make time to tend my heart: served most effectively when there is balance in the way I tend the other two, because in that way/those ways, I am generating and manifesting love and kindness towards myself, but I’m also practicing keeping my heart open, being mindful, vulnerable, present, and brave. I am able to connect my core values (kindness, bravery, silliness, creativity, curiosity, and presence) directly to my actions.

You might wonder where “mind” is on my list of things to tend. I have come to understand that concept (through my study and practice of Buddhist principles) that the brain is an organ of the body, so would be part of what you are referring to when you talk of that physical collective. The “mind” or consciousness is centered with, and directly connected to the heart. Together, they join wisdom (mind) and compassion (heart) in a single, central location. This space is our fundamental nature, our basic goodness–who we “really” are, underneath, before, and beyond anything else. So when I referred to “heart” earlier, I meant heart-mind.

For my year of Retreat, my resolve is to sink into my practices, know and manifest my core values, be open-hearted and brave, have faith in a sacred alignment between what I want and what I have to offer, be mindful of my middle path (the pause and the gap, balance and freedom), rest and restore and rehab. Transformation is one element that has special meaning to me, as I realized the other day that every butterfly is first a pupa in a cocoon–fat, soft, round, vulnerable, and completely still. You simply cannot transform and grow wings without that time in stasis, and therefore, you must retreat if you are looking to transform. Yes, I might feel a bit sad or even embarrassed by my blobby, fat, slow self while the rest of the world is happily crawling around chewing on stuff, or floating in the sky on their beautiful wings, but I have to remember I am exactly where I should be, things are unfolding just as they should. It is right, true, and completely natural.

Just like savasana pose in yoga, this quiet and stillness and surrender is necessary to integrate the body and mind with the practice, to assimilate and process the practice into an embodied whole.  In the same way, off the mat, deep change needs a balance of deep rest and contemplation to allow our innate wisdom to work, for integration to happen.

In between inhalation and exhalation,
In between joy and pain,
In between remembering and forgetting,
In between who we think we are and reality,
There is a pause.
Seek refuge there.
~Goswami Kriyananda