1. Morning walks. As predicted, with the snow and colder weather, a few walks were postponed and at least one didn’t happen at all. And yet, when we did get out, it was so beautiful. I love how quiet it is on the trails when the ground is covered in snow. There are fewer people and animals and bikes out, but also everything is muffled by the blanket of white, except for the crunch of it underfoot.

2. Practice. Red Sage yoga got cancelled because they accidentally scheduled appointments in both the big rooms so we didn’t have a space (and outside wasn’t an option). My Friday morning writing sangha was much needed this week and didn’t disappoint. I got two new tiny brass horses, one mama and one baby, for my meditation shrine to represent Eric’s mom and his sister, both gone now.

3. Good food. I met with a nutritionist this week. My ED is acting up because I’m holding space for so much and it’s so heavy and it felt like I needed some support in that area. Add in Hashimoto’s, menopause, arthritis, and an overactive nervous system, and it’s easy to get off balance and hard to find my way back. I did discover a new take out place and am currently obsessed with their Spicy Sesame bowl — Jasmine Rice, Gochujang (sesame, soy, sugar), Seared Chicken Breast, Caramelized Onion, Roasted Broccoli, Shredded Carrot, Purple Cabbage, Spicy Vegan Kimchi, Green Onion, Cilantro, Gochujang Mayo (soy), Sesame Seeds. It is SO delicious and satisfying.

4. My brother. He has taken on so much in the past year and a half. He already has his own tiny family, two daughters and two grandkids, that he takes such good care of, and then our mom and dad got added to that caretaking, and while it’s been hard for him, so complicated and exhausting sometimes, he keeps showing up, no matter what. This week in particular, my mom’s caretaking situation fell apart in a pretty spectacular way, so he’s been caring for mom and his two grandkids, 6 and 4 years old. I’m helping as much as I can from a distance, in part getting things going for moving my mom to a care facility because keeping her at home is no longer workable and never was sustainable. I’m so sad and worried about all the things, hoping as hard as I can that it all comes together and works out, but in this, because of him, I’m not in it alone.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I am SO lucky to have this refuge, this safe place, this comfort and joy and love. I am very aware that not everyone is so lucky and I never take it for granted. 

Bonus joy: training one last time with Shelby (she got a new job, yay for her and boo for me), texting with Chloe’ and Chris, having options, candles and twinkle lights, tiny brass animals (still not entirely sure why I’m so obsessed), pistachios, a warm mug of green tea, the banana bread Kerri gave us, peanut butter and chocolate, acupuncture, aqua aerobics, sitting in the sauna, snow tires, poetry and poets, libraries and librarians, comedy, true crime, listening to podcasts, down blankets and pillows and coats, online ordering, sharing videos with Shellie and Kari, other people’s dogs and kids, a massage with Dana, naps, hugs in the kitchen, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.

1. Morning walks. It was pretty cold some mornings, so a few weren’t as early, and with lots of snow and ice still on the ground, we had to reroute from our usual spots. Eric was gone for a few days this week, and walking with Ringo is always such a comfort.

2. More snow. It’s almost all gone now, but it made me so happy while it was here.

3. Eric being back home. It was a sad, sad week. Eric’s mom had been in the hospital and his dad called on Monday to let him know there was nothing more they could do for her and they were talking about contacting hospice and sending her home. Eric flew out the next day and was able to spend the night with his mom at the hospital. The next morning, she died. She’d struggled with lung disease for years and this past one had been particularly difficult for her, so it wasn’t a complete surprise but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier. I’m so glad Eric made it there, and so glad he was able to help his dad with what came next. When you have a good one, no one loves you like your mom, no one gives you that exact same feeling of “home.” After 30+ years, she was my family too, and without her I wouldn’t have my little family, my home. It’s so weird, sad, and awful that I won’t ever get to see her again.

4. Practice. This was the first Friday morning in a while that everyone made it to our writing group. It was so nice to have everyone together again. I canceled my yoga class, as it was the morning after Patsy had died and I was too in my own feelings to hold space for other people.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. When you lose someone, it makes you even more grateful for who is still here.

Bonus joy: getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna with Eric, the hydromassage chair, zooming with Chloe’, texting with Chris and Stacey, canceled plans, honey mustard pretzels, clean sheets, listening to podcasts, laundry, a warm mug of green tea, my weighted blanket, libraries and librarians, poets and poetry, watching TV, down blankets and pillows, soft merino wool shirts, headlamps, other people’s dogs and kids, people who leave their Christmas lights up and on all winter, the lights in Old Town, pizza, Japanese gardens, sharing reels with Carrie and Kari and Shellie, that my experience with my dad ended up helping Eric when the time came for him to experience something similar, the people who show up, the people who stay, my Shakti mat, blankets, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.