1. Morning walks. Things are really turning green right now, getting rowdy in all kinds of ways — like the line from this poem, “April comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.” We missed one walk because we got snow and cold yesterday, but on the others we saw a heron and some deer and of course stopped by Your Best Day Ever to visit Theresa, get some love and treats for Ringo.

2. Mom. There was a hiccup with Mom’s catheter this week that caused a false alarm, a phone call to advise us she may be in kidney failure which led to me consulting Dr. Google, even though I already knew what they would say because kidney failure is exactly what prompted us to place Dad in hospice care, and wondering how soon I might be on my way to Oregon again. Turns out, as my brother had already suspected, that they just needed to switch out her catheter, which had simply gotten “disconnected.” It’s so hard, knowing Mom wishes I was there and knowing at some point things will take a turn and this will all be over, feeling so stuck in this liminal space, this in-between. And yet, I’m still so grateful she is where she is, has such good care and because of that, my brother gets some relief, and that I’m home in my favorite place.

3. Practice. Yoga at Red Sage, writing with my Friday morning sangha, sitting in my practice room early in the morning.

4. Therapy, again. I’m getting closer to finding a therapist. I’ve been in and out of therapy for 35+ years. Lately, with everything going on in my own life and the world, I’ve been feeling the need to go back, but that meant finding someone new, which is always such a complicated and even discouraging process. I already have a primary care doctor, masseuse, acupuncturist, and nutritionist, along with a Pilates and Yoga instructor on my “care team,” but it’s been feeling like I’m going in regularly to get my teeth cleaned when this whole time I’ve been walking around with a broken leg (heart?).

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. The more I lose, the more that goes wrong, the more certain I am how good I have it here, with them.

Bonus joy: getting to spend time with Stacey and Heather, seeing Chloe’ irl, videos and pictures of Hendrix, other people’s kids and dogs, good food, making each other laugh while practicing yoga, aqua aerobics, sitting in the sauna, the hydromassage chair, lounging in the backyard with Ringo, sitting on the couch with Eric, hugs in the kitchen, listening to podcasts, watching TV, going to Mt Everest Cafe with Eric, making a new recipe and it turning out to be really good, sunshine, forsythia, a warm shower, a nap, down blankets and pillows, my Shakti mat, poetry and poets, libraries and librarians, comedy, true crime, documentaries, the chance to start over again, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.  

1. Morning walks. Saw my owl friend again this week, same spot just one tree over. Eric and Ringo saw an egret on one of their afternoon walks, something we don’t normally see here. We are in that weird time known as “false spring” where one day it can be in the low 80s and a week later there’s a chance of snow. There’s still another month at least before we can think about planting anything new, but things are starting to bud out and bloom.

2. Mom’s birthday! We didn’t expect a month ago that we’d be celebrating this WITH her, but here we are. She’s been getting lots of good wishes and gifts this week, is going to start thinking her birthday is every day if it keeps up. Everyone who has visited in the past few days has marveled at how well she’s doing. I wish I could be there with her today and I miss her, but all things considered, it’s a good day.

3. Dad’s birthday. Mom’s is today, and Dad’s is/was tomorrow. We had a complicated relationship, probably because we were too much alike. He wasn’t the happiest person and he could be such a jerk sometimes because of it, but I miss and love him and always will.

4. Ringo. Eric and I were talking today about how well he’s doing for being eleven years old, with arthritis and all sorts of allergies. Obi wasn’t with us long enough to get old, and even though we lost Dexter and Sam too soon, they at least seemed their age. With Ringo, it can be easy to forget he’s a “senior” dog. One thing I’m particularly grateful for is Dr. Foster and how much the changes we made to his diet and supplements has improved his quality of life. He hasn’t had a wonky belly in ten months and that feels like a miracle.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Content, happy, comfortable, safe, loved, peaceful — all the good things are here.

Bonus joy: good food, good TV (I just finished Dying for Sex and it was so good!), books from the library for my Kindle, listening to podcasts, finally finishing most of the laundry, lounging in the backyard with Eric and Ringo, texting with Chloe’ and making plans to see each other in person next week, Sunday morning Pilates, getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna, the hydromassage chair, my gym dad Frank, yoga at Red Sage — I adore those humans SO much, slow mornings, a warm shower, marionberry gummies, down blankets and pillows, a white noise machine, a sunrise alarm clock, my HappyLight, my weighted blanket, stained glass, bird feeders, daffodils and tulips, my Merlin Bird ID app which this week helped me identify and then see a pair of Cooper’s Hawks (“In many cultures, a hawk visit can have a spiritual meaning. Some believe it means you are being watched over, others say hawks are sent as a reminder that you are resilient, and are there to remind you that you can get through anything life throws at you”), rice, bread, a big glass of clean cold water, prescriptions and vaccines, other people’s kids and dogs, the way cats purr, streaming content, practicing with my Friday morning writing group, how many small ways there are to be kind, citrus, tacos, naps, my Shakti mat, wireless internet, grocery shopping, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.