Category Archives: Gratitude

August Break: Day Nineteen

4 Replies

Dexter got to come home yesterday. We marveled all day about how on a sedative he was the same boy, only to discover when we gave him what we thought was his second dose of the day that they must have forgotten to give him one in the morning, because he passed out for almost four hours. This morning, we decided to only give him half the dose. He’s supposed to stay on sedation for three days, to keep him “quiet” and calm, to help him heal. I am simply thankful to have him back home, even if pretty much all he’s doing is sleeping.

Last night, Dexter went to his crate and got his Little D, brought him into the living room where I was and chewed on his leg “bones” (the beans in his feet). This made me very happy. The strange gift of this crisis is that it makes waiting for biopsy results not such a big deal–when you think your dog won’t make it through the night and he does, you are simply grateful for that small grace, the gift of getting to see him one more time.

P.S. This is my 400th blog post.

August Break: Day Ten

4 Replies

Yesterday, I bought myself flowers. The name on the wrapper was “salmon babies.” I love having fresh flowers in the house, especially on my writing desk. They are a constant reminder of how beautiful life is, but also how short and fragile. The Buddha said “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” And yet, I was feeling so guilty about the money I was spending ($9.99 plus tax) that I almost put them back.

This week is sadly the last of the summer session of Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab, and yesterday we got our final secret mission: buy yourself flowers. I didn’t read the email until after I returned home, still feeling guilty and shameful about the purchase, the indulgence. When I did read it, I cried–every message I received from this course made me cry. I’m not exaggerating: every one, every time.

The theme of the course was rest, play, and kindness. It was all about practicing self-love and self-care in areas I’ve previously avoided, ignored, rejected even. The permission, the invitation to allow these things to manifest in my life, to actively cultivate them filled me with gratitude and joy, overwhelmed me with tender sadness and relief.

I bought myself flowers, and felt bad about it, and then the universe sent me a message: caring for myself is not selfish, loving myself isn’t something to feel guilty about, rest isn’t lazy, play isn’t a waste of time, and the abundance and joy I welcome into my life won’t diminish anyone else’s share.