Gratitude Friday | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Morning walks. The moon was out this week and we went early. It was so quiet and the light was gorgeous. It was also very cold and one day was so windy we stayed close to home, making loops around our neighborhood so if it got worse we could get home fast.

2. Canceled plans. I am still not fully functional, after my hospital stay and then COVID and then a colonoscopy, which means my schedule has to look a lot different than usual. Old me would push through, keep all the appointments and commitments I’d made at the expense of my health and wellbeing. I don’t do that anymore. If we had plans but I really feel like I need a nap, the nap is going to win.

3. Clean sheets. I’m going to take a shower after a few more loads of laundry and then take a nap, so I made sure to put clean sheets on the bed this morning. It’s one of the ways I take care of myself where the impact far outweighs the effort.

4. Ringo. I let him pick another toy from the box I gave him for Christmas and he was very happy. I’m happy because we’ve gotten a lot of play out of it without too much damage. Ringo can be really hard on toys so when we get something he hasn’t had before there’s no way to know if it will have staying power, but this one took a whole three days to lose its squeak and he hasn’t quite figured out how to shred it yet.

5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. I can tell from the pictures I have to share this week that I was tired, didn’t do as much, because it’s all pictures of our walk and of Ringo sleeping — two of my favorite things, no matter how I’m feeling. And Eric is my favorite always — the way he takes care of me, the way he makes me laugh, the way he loves me, the way he humors my need for many many hugs and sitting on the couch together doing nothing.

Bonus joy: Beaver’s Market, grocery fuel points, having easy access to so many things because of the internet, stickers, birds in the feeder, a warm shower, the hydromassage chair, the pool, sitting in the sauna with Eric, training with Shelby and the gang, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, watching TV, baking, eating what I bake, cooking with Eric, peanut butter, a big glass of clean cold water, green tea, matcha lemonade, naan, a new notebook, bilateral beats, having met my insurance deductible so basically everything I have to do until the end of June is covered, wool socks, clean pjs, lemon, lime, oranges, raspberries, roasted veggies, napping, down blankets and pillows, prescription glasses, vaccines and masks and prescription medication, heat when it’s cold and a/c when it’s hot, other people’s dogs and kids, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.

1. Morning walks. I finally got to go on one this week. It’s been super cold, which makes it better for Ringo to go on a run with Eric than a slower paced walk with me, and I still don’t have much energy as I’m recovering from COVID, but the one I got to do was gorgeous. I love winter here.

2. Being on the other side of a medical procedure that was necessary but no fun. The colonoscopy prep wasn’t anything you’d choose to do but it was so much kinder to me this time around. I could actually sleep and didn’t spend the whole night violently ill. I also had a friend doing the same at the same time, so we were texting throughout the process and that somehow made things easier, like I had a “colonoscopy buddy.” My results were positive, the situation that caused the abscess was what we expected (and not cancer or Crohn’s disease, which can cause the same symptoms), and everything else was normal, fine, as it should be, all good. I’ll talk to my doctor after she reads the full report to see if I need surgery, but I’m so happy to be on this side of things. I told the anesthesiologist when I woke up, “I was dreaming about my dog.” I’m going to write and post more later about the process because I learned some things that seem worth sharing.

3. Going back to the gym. Having COVID and then being exhausted from having COVID and a colonoscopy prep to do, I hadn’t been to the gym in three weeks. I went today, did the hydromassage chair, stretched out in the pool, and sat in the sauna. It felt good, and wore me out. Tomorrow I’ll try some yoga and Monday maybe aqua aerobics and small group training. I’m doing everything at half speed until my energy comes back.

4. Making art with Janice and Mikalina. Creative practice, play, and community are so important to the more solitary, “serious” practices I do, and to my mental health in general.

5. First responders. Early on Monday morning the carbon monoxide detector in our garage went off. We were pretty sure it was a malfunction, that the detector was failing because it was so old, and the one inside the house was functioning but not alerting AND the faulty one would alert even outside in the open air, but just to be sure, we called and had the fire department come out to check. They were happy to do so, gave us the all clear and made us feel much better about it all. Ringo however DID NOT approve of those guys in those weird suits, hats, and masks in that big truck talking to his favorite human AND going inside his house while he had to stay in the car.

6. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. Eric and Ringo took such good care of me this week.

Bonus joy: good neighbors who came out in the early morning cold to check on us when they saw the fire truck in front of the house and us sitting in our car, all the nurses and doctors and other various staff who are there when you need them and give so much support and assurance (the woman who checked me in yesterday said “nice to meet you” after getting me all settled — how sweet is that?!), being able to cook for myself especially when I’m craving something specific and can easily look online for a recipe and follow it and have it turn out and be so satisfying — extra so because “I made it myself!”, gingerbread, birds in the feeder, so many possible comfortable places to sleep in our house when we need somewhere other than our bed (must be what Ringo feels like, as he’s got at least six places to sleep that are JUST for dogs and is also allowed on any of the other furniture we use), that the time Ringo threw up his breakfast almost three weeks ago was just a fluke and not the sign of anything else, good movies and TV, listening to podcasts and music, sunshine in the winter, texting with my mom and Chris and Chloe’ and Mikalina and Chelsey and Jeff, talking to Eric’s mom on the phone, having a friend who is a local surgeon, all of Eric’s D&D friends, mashed potatoes, when I start a new notebook and get to pick a sticker to put on the front, Vitamin Water (Squeezed flavor), wipe and ointment, down blankets and pillows, clean sheets, playing with Ringo, “singing” with Ringo, warm socks, soft shirts, indoor plumbing, pizza, cake, walnuts and almonds, oranges, green tea, meditating with Joel, wild-ish writing with my Friday morning sangha, paint, pens, pencils, a warm shower, watching Antiques Roadshow and Tiny House Hunters with Eric at night, sitting with him on the couch, hugs, making each other laugh, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.