1. Morning walks. Yesterday in my Wild Writing group, I wrote: “It’s an everyday kind of grace, the morning walk.” I won’t share more of that particular entry because it went to a darker place and is something I’m writing about in the book I’m working on, so want to save it back, see where else it might go. In another section, I said: “This morning I noticed now that the grass is getting green, everything else, all the lingering variations of winter, suddenly just looked brown.” Winter started late here so it’s been shorter than usual, milder, and yet like a flower seeking the light, I feel myself turning towards spring, longing for the leaves and blooms to come back. One of the things I love the most is what we started calling “yard time” during the first year of the pandemic. It simply is sitting in the backyard together doing nothing, so when it gets warmer and we can comfortably, it makes me so happy.

2. Practice. The implosion of my Buddhist sangha and the interruption of my teaching  efforts due to COVID, burnout, and grief have made the last few years of my practice a little lonely, a bit confusing, and sometimes pretty frustrating. The only thing to do has been to be still, pause, rest, and reconsider just about everything I thought I knew — to wait. This doesn’t come easily to me as I am impatient. My previous (unworkable and unsustainable) strategy was to keep pushing through until I got where I wanted to go or collapsed. That’s the thing about practice, it allows you to meet the current moment just as you are and stay open to it, to let go of the outcome and be present, to trust that if action is warranted your innate wisdom and compassion will guide you. In the book I’m reading by Kaira Jewel Lingo (We Were Made for These Times: 10 Lessons for Moving Through Change, Loss, and Disruption), she says, “I have found the practice of staying present, openhearted, and accepting of changing life circumstances to be incredibly helpful through my own major life transitions and challenges.” Ditto.

3. The support of good friends and good food. Those with whom I make art, write, text, workout, and laugh. All the new recipes I’ve tried and how yummy and satisfying most of them have been. Both elements nourishing and sustaining me.

4. Books and the ability to read. This has always been one of my greatest joys and also one of the primary ways I make sense of the world and my place in it.

5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. This space and these connections keep me going while also allowing me to rest.

Bonus joy: The hydromassage chair, the pool, the sauna, flowers blooming, that spot on the couch, being able to recognize that something is no longer working for me and let it go, paint, berries, new underwear, watching old movies with Eric (this week we rewatched The Money Pit, Mr. Mom, and the original Dune — which to be honest was pretty awful), good TV (Sort Of and Julia on HBO are really good), listening to podcasts, cleaning out closets and cabinets, making space and clearing the way for something new, the trail system in Fort Collins, hot coffee with cocoa and tiny marshmallows, socks, a warm shower, a glass of clean cold water, smoked paprika, garlic, the smell of basil, limes, pain meds, gummy supplements, dental floss picks, paper, house plants, flowers in the bathroom, pictures of other people’s babies and dogs, the way Ringo loves to roll in the grass, that guy on his bike who was nice enough to wait for Ringo and I to get off the bridge before he rode by, the way Ringo comes to check in with me throughout the day, vaccines and masks, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.

1. Morning walks. We saw some friends last week and they were talking about a trip they just got back from, another one they were planning, and also about how they’d never be able to afford a house here (I’m not sure we would have been able to in the current market, as our house is worth about 3 times what it was when we bought it 20 years ago) but that they’d rather be renters and travel, see the world and have adventures. I get it, but for me, I’d rather know a place, see it through the seasons, the years, have adventures that are about depth rather than distance. It never gets boring to me being in one place because rather than static, things are always changing and alive, and being able to remember what was and notice what is new and be in love with a specific single place is my jam.

2. Practice. Making art with Calyx and Janice, Wild Writing with Laurie and our writing sangha, meditating in the quiet dark of the morning, sitting in front of my HappyLight with a hot cup of coffee, cocoa, and tiny marshmallows while I write in my journal.

3. Spring. The daffodils and crocus are blooming, the grass is getting green, and we’ve been able to hang out in the back yard on the nice days, which is one of Ringo’s favorite things.

4. Good neighbors. Our next door neighbors are moving to Ohio to be closer to family and they really have been the BEST neighbors, good friends for the past 14 years. As they clean out their house and pack up, we’ve been getting some good stuff — our favorite being some toys that belonged to their dog, who passed a few years ago and was so loved by us. One night this week when it was nice out, I made dinner in our “outdoor kitchen” (i.e. an electric skillet I put on our patio table) and the whole time I was cooking, our neighbor on the other side was with his dog in his backyard playing his guitar — they are super good neighbors too.

5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. It really is everything I ever wanted.

Bonus joy: Dinner with Chelsey and Jon, texting with Chloe’ and Mom and Chris, pay day, strawberries and raspberries, Ringo so soft after getting a bath, how much Ringo loves his physical therapist Teri, ordering pizza and watching a movie with Eric, the hydromassage chair, the pool, the sauna, small group training with Shelby, gummy supplements, a big glass of cold clean water, listening to podcasts, watching TV, sitting in the sun in the backyard with Ringo and Eric, paint, a warm shower, clean sheets, new socks, being retired/not having to work at CSU anymore, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.