Category Archives: Dexter

Gratitude Friday

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This post is a mashup of The Little Bliss List and Joy Jam, and as such is meant to celebrate: the little things that brought me hope and happiness this week, the sweet stuff of life, those small gifts that brought me joy this week. By sharing them, I not only make public my gratitude, but maybe also help you notice your own good stuff and send some positive energy out into the world.

1. Feathers and friends, reminding me that I am not alone, that I am connected and loved, which makes me stronger, happier than I would be by myself. The kind of friends who will give me a “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” magnet for no reason (other than they love me and want me to stop being so hard on myself), who will take me out to lunch for my birthday, who email me randomly to let me know they are thinking about me, who “like” my facebook and blog posts, or who give me the most loving hard time when I don’t make it to yoga and a hug when I do.

2. Fall Break! It turns out I have so much work, so much to get caught up on that I actually have to work a day or two next week, but that didn’t stop me from feeling the full on joy of the Friday before a break as I walked to my car this afternoon to head home and walk the dogs. I let myself pretend for just a minute that I wasn’t going to come back on Monday.

3. Christmas Cactus blooms. Actually, mine are confused, because they always bloom closer to Thanksgiving, but they are gorgeous anyway, and make my paid work office a happier place.

4. The best husband, the kind who sneaks out on a cold morning and scrapes the ice off my car for me, and leaves me love notes that say things like “be nice to yourself today,” and who just wants me to be happy.

5. Long walks with my dogs. Seriously one of the best things ever invented.

Bonus Joy: Another week with Dexter.

 

Book Writing Saturday

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This past week I felt whelmed, a curious mixture of overwhelmed by everything there is to accomplish but underwhelmed with excitement about actually doing it. I had very little energy or motivation. I felt tired, confused, scattered and sad. Dexter was the tiniest bit worse. My hair is falling out again, as it does when I let stress creep in. The weather has turned cold and sloppy. It doesn’t help that I am coming down with a case of the crud.

And yet, that’s not the whole story. There were a hundred other moments that were amazing, beautiful, and full of kindness, (one being Mary Anne Radmacher calling me “fiercely gentle Jill”). So many that all the stuff that wasn’t so great didn’t even end up mattering, (well, except for that part about Dexter).

Tulku Thondup describes mindfulness as “the giving of oneself to the moment.” And as so many other wise beings have said, if you are in the moment, there is no problem, everything is workable. Geneen Roth said,

A gentle question to ask yourself: am I alright now, in this very second? And if you are, say that. “In this moment, I am alright. I am fine.” It allows you to cut through the stories and the anxiety and fear. Stop everything and take in the alrightness of just this moment. There will always be problems, so many problems, but if you stay grounded in your own presence, in your own alrightness, you can deal with them from a clear space.

This morning, Dexter and I took a long walk together while Eric and Sam where hiking at Lory State Park. Dexter’s left eye has been runny this past week, and I sometimes wonder which way his tumor is growing. Will his face start to swell, or is it pushing towards his brain? What are those last days, that final moment going to look like? But usually, I don’t waste my time with such speculation. I walk with him, play with him, pet him, love him, and even as we are good-bying, I surrender to the space of us still together.