Category Archives: Core Values

Pace Yourself

1 Reply

The other day, I was telling Eric how now that I was unstuck, I was having a hard time stopping, a hard time going to work because the work I was doing for myself was so compelling and fun, and he told me “You should pace yourself.”

Whatever…*eye-roll*

Turns out, he’s right.  I have been trying the past few weeks to do ALL the things, and I am starting to feel a bit tired, run down.  I am not being kind to myself.  I am pushing, demanding, doing too much.

If I am honest, this is a pattern, a habit of mine.  I have a form of artistic manic-depression. I have two speeds: off and bullet train.  I am either stuck, frozen, numb, asleep, or moving at the speed of light, “I’ll sleep when I am dead,” on fire, can’t stop.

Brotherly Love, Dexter and SamManic

I am thinking about this specifically today as I watch myself being greedy and grasping, and not listening to what I really need right now. Having discovered Danielle Ate the Sandwich and being utterly and newly in love with her, I want to go see her perform.  Not just that, but I want to go to every show she has in Colorado. She has three coming up: one tonight in Denver, one in a few weeks in Boulder, and another in Fort Collins.  And the whole reason I found out about her is I told a friend that I wanted to finally learn to play the ukelele I’ve had for almost four years now, and he’d sent me a link to a site with tutorials and told me about Danielle.  So now, not only do I want to teach myself to play, I want to write and sing songs, make an album, and go on tour with Danielle.

Wish

But I am feeling weak and run down today, and Eric is running a half-marathon tomorrow morning, so going to a show more than an hour away that will run late when what we really should do is stay home, be together and rest is just silly.

There are other examples.  It’s not enough for me to have a yoga practice.  I need to buy a month of unlimited classes at a new studio and try to go to as many as I can, sign up for a nine week “Yoga Immersion” class over the summer, go to 5-7 classes a week, plan to get certified to teach yoga, plan write a grant and teach yoga at the local battered women’s shelter, go on retreats.  This is not at all what yoga is about, this gluttony, and I know this.

I subscribe to five weekly newsletters that each send me daily challenges, meditations, things to consider. I sign up for three amazing classes, but I sign up in a way that for a few weeks at least, they will overlap and I will be in THREE classes simultaneously, while maintaining a full-time job, a marriage, two needy dogs, a yoga and meditation practice, etc. And that’s not enough, I’ll get certified as a meditation instructor, and put together yoga/meditation/writing workshops or retreats, I’ll get a Holistic Health Coach, no I’ll become one, and then I’ll get certified as a Life Coach…ugh.  I make myself tired just thinking about all the things I want.  When I wake up like this, find myself breathing again, I panic because I feel like I have already wasted so much time and I don’t know how much I have left. I have so much to do…

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying that I shouldn’t dream so big.  Obviously, I believe in that.  Dreaming and wishing and opening myself up to new possibilities and different options is propelling me after years of being stuck.  What I am saying is that I need to “pace myself.”

So, instead of going to see Danielle play tonight, I’ll stay home and rest.  I’ll listen to her music all day, but from a cd rather than live. I’ll slow down. I’ll notice how the knob on the drawer in my bathroom reflects the light like a rainbow comet trail. I’ll sit in the sun in the backyard with all three of my boys.  I’ll take a nap.  I’ll read.  I’ll catch up on my Mondo Beyondo assignments, maybe even grade a few papers for work–but only if I feel like it, if it feels right.  Later, I’ll go take a yoga class with Sarada if I feel up to it.  I’ll go to bed early.  I will open my heart and be kind, listen to what it is I need and do that for myself. 

I’ll pace myself.

  • How can you be gentle with yourself today?

Chakrasana: Wheel Pose

Leave a reply

One of my current favorite yoga poses is chakrasana, or wheel pose, sometimes also called upward or raised bow pose.

If I am feeling depressed, I can go into this pose and find relief. This pose causes an opening, a stretch, a clearing of space in my solar plexis, the spot above my belly button, but below my heart, or what’s known as the manipura chakra, our power center. The psychological functions associated with this chakra are personal power, will, knowledge, wit, laughter, mental clarity, humor, optimism, self-control, curiosity, and awareness; the emotions are purpose and sunshine, (http://www.chakraenergy.com/chart.html).

I was told once by a writing teacher that this is the spot where you find truth, somewhere between your heart and your stomach.  I find that this is the place where I can tap into my intuition.  In my Mondo Beyondo class, we were asked to consider a time when we listened to this wisdom and it “totally paid off.”

Now.  Right now.  And here.  It was intuition, the flutter of butterflies in my stomach so powerful it lifted me on to my toes, that brought me right into this very moment.

I stand firmly planted on my two bare feet.  My yoga mat has a hole in it, but don’t think it’s because I am sloppy or don’t take care of my things.  My dog Obi, who I lost to cancer almost two years ago, chewed this hole in my yoga mat when he was just a puppy, before he understood what the mat meant.  He’d later learn that it meant time to curl up and watch, or to join in with a few downward dogs of his own.  But at that earlier moment, it just looked like a big purple chew toy.

Yoga Feet

I listened to my intuition about my yoga practice.  One day, I was the only one who showed up for my Monday morning, 6:30 a.m. class, so I got a private session with Niight Wind.  I had been practicing yoga for almost four years at the time, but when Niight asked me to set an intention at the beginning of class, and “be here, be brave” floated up from that spot in my solar plexis, my whole yoga practice changed.  I am here, and I am learning to love myself because I listened to my own intention, and because a wonderful teacher invited me, opened up the space and offered her support.

I listened to my intuition when I made decisions on Obi’s behalf in terms of his cancer treatment: to try chemo, to stop chemo, and ultimately to let him go.  I would stare into his big brown eyes, and listen to that center of truth in my own body, and I would do what I knew was right, even as it broke my heart into a million tiny pieces.
Brown Eyes

I listened to my intuition over the past nine months when I joined an Artist’s Way Group, signed up for a series of Creative Non-Fiction Writing workshops, formed a writing group, read “Gifts of Imperfection,” read Superhero Journal and Jen Lemen’s blog and zenhabits.net and “The Art of Non-Conformity” and Everyday Bright, bought a ticket to the World Domination Summit, signed up for Mondo Beyondo and Superhero Photo classes, signed up for the Ordinary Courage class, started a blog, started writing and wishing and dreaming and daring to believe I might be worth it.

My own two feet

My own two feet

I listened to my intuition and offered the ideas, shared the kind word, felt the fear and did it anyway.

  • Be here, now.  Be brave.