Category Archives: Change

Three Truths and One Wish

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I was reading author Laura Resau’s blog today.  We are reading her latest book, “The Queen of Water” in my book group (I stayed up until 11 p.m. reading last night! Typically, I get in bed “to read” around 8:45 p.m. and am asleep with my face in the book ten minutes later), and she is going to come to our next meeting, (she lives locally, and one person in our group knows her–so lucky).

I stumbled across a post she wrote about the space where she writes: a silver camper from the 50’s that’s parked in her driveway.  I love it so much, it hurts.

I cried reading about it.  I posted a status update on Facebook that said:

Dear Uni-Verse (One Song),
I cried when I read this, http://lauraresau.blogspot.com/2010/07/trailer-tour-at-long-last.html. What do I need to do? I am ready to do it, I just don’t know how. You know the specifics of my situation, the details, so please send the appropriate help, and pretend like I am really stupid and make it really clear what I am supposed to do. Pretty please.
Thank you and amen.
Love you.
Love,
Me

Then, as I was thinking of what three truths and one wish I would post, it came to me.

1. Truth: You know what you want. I do. I really do. A deep down knowing, an ancient thing that I have tried to deny, tried to pacify, a truth I have betrayed time and time again. I read this description of Laura’s writing space and her process, and my stomach hurt.  It wasn’t simple envy or jealously. My whole body said “yes, this is it, this is the thing.”

2. Truth: You can have what you want. I have no idea how this is going to work, how I am going to get there, or what the specific details will be, I just know that somehow I will get there. I have to. I’ve known for a very long time that the only thing stopping me, is me.  But wow, do I have some stories to tell about why I can’t or shouldn’t.

3. Truth: You know what to do. Take the tiniest step, take a deep breath, take another step, another breath.  Keep moving, keep showing up.  Jennifer Louden, mother goddess of comfort and wisdom, wrote a blog post just today called “Are You Avoiding Your Heart’s Desire?” Gulp. yes. In the post, she says “To find and live your unfolding heart’s desire, your deepest truth, requires burning.”  I have lit the match.

  • I wish to burn, dismantle, come apart and fall to pieces, become who I am, finally arrive where I always have been. When Jennifer says “Finding and living your calling is all about peeling the onion of your resistance and your sputtering ‘but but but’ until you get to the heart of it,” I want to say “amen” and begin.  Onions will be peeled, fires will burn, and there will be crying and gnashing of teeth and smoke, but I think it will be so worth it.

Photo by Dottie Mae

Thank you and Amen, Day One

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I have been spending the day missing Blogtoberfest, my inspiration for publishing a blog post every day.  I am writing every day for National Novel Writing Month, but since that project is intended to be a draft of a birthday present for Eric, I can’t really share it here–the boy reads my blog.  I toyed with taking the day off, not publishing a blog post today, but after a month of doing it faithfully, I’m not ready for that just yet.

Then I was reminded of a facebook meme that runs the month of November, 30 Days of Gratitude.  There are lots of other gratitude projects and resources out there.  For example, “Zoom in on Gratitude: 30 Day Photo Challenge” (can’t wait to try that one next), and Britt Bravo has lots of ideas on her website, “Have Fun * Do Good.”  So that’s what I think I’m going to do the rest of this month.  I’ll still do Monday’s Something Good and Tuesday’s Three Truths and One Wish, but on the other days, I will offer up my gratitude.

Photo by vistamommy

Gratitude, Day One: I am grateful for practice.  To train and repeat, to come back again and again with mindful attention.  No expectations of perfection, but rather with the intention of continuing to show up, to not judge what happens as “good” or “bad,” but rather to simply keep going, to be, again and again.

I have many practices in my life: yoga, mediation, walking the dogs, and writing.  Each of them gives me the opportunity to meet and work with myself, wherever I am.  Every time I step on the mat, sit on the cushion, enter the park as I hold my two boys, or pick up my pen, I begin again.  I am rooted, centered, steady, and present, and even when I am not, I am trying.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.”
― Pema Chödrön

This baby Robin learned to fly in my backyard this spring. To learn to fly, you have to practice.

  • What do you practice?